[Solved] Abuse

Hi thankyou for the advice. I have been told I should make a formal request to my ex for contact to be reinstated I have done this via a message but been told to put it in writing and send it registered post and keep a copy. Is this advisable or should I just not contact her and attend mediation etc?

Thanks in advance Steve

As the mediation process has already started, I personally don't see any reason to communicate with her in this way, particularly as she has stated quite firmly that contact will not be reinstated.

However...

I'd be interested to know who has advised you in this course of action... if it was your social worker or a professional that is actively involved in your case, I would probably say go with it, just keep it civil, brief and to the point.

Hi it was the social worker involved who has been to see me again regarding his visit to her to give her the outcome of his assessment. Which was he and the police believed my daughter had been shall we say encouraged to say certain things and the allegations were completely unfounded and told her withholding contact was totally unecessary and damaging to my daughter she implied contact was ok without my partner being there which I instantly agreed to. To which she gave a reply stating I had hurt my daughter which the social worker agreed was ludicrous because at the time she was asked if she had ever had any concerns which she replied no never. How can I compromise with this kind of behaviour I am bending over backwards to do this to no avail. What good can she possibly do carrying on with these constant untruths? I am trying to keep a lid on things but it's difficult to say the least no one seems to care despite her constantly being found to be lieing how do I deal with this at mediation which I am sure she is refusing
Thanks Steve

I would check that your social worker is keeping a record of these conversations - that is really not going to do her any favours if it goes to court, and if she has any sense, she'll realise that and agree to a compromise to stop it going there.

Thankyou I can only assume these conversations will make up part of his assessment report as a matter of course? He has told me he will get a copy of this report by the end of the week. Even after her recent behaviour I would still hate my ex to get into any trouble as silly as that sounds, it would only upset my daughter and she is my prime concern in this whole mess. I obviously have the reply on my phone stating I had hurt my daughter when I offered contact without my ex which I believe are key facts which show my willingness to be reasonable. I will not contact her direct as I am all to aware of this being used as an harassment weapon is it more advisable to tell the mediator these facts? What key points are of most importance in your opinion? Many thanks in advance steve

Hi just a further update I met with the mediator today for my initial meeting after listening to a brief summary he rang the office and asked for an fm1 form to be sent to me which puzzled me he did not say why is this because he saw it was unsuitable for mediation? He did not say that but I am seeing it in a negative light I did stress that the social services and police were satisfied nothing untoward had happened and had closed the case I expected a few weeks wait for the form? In the past my ex has refused mediation does this have any bearing? Do I now find a solicitor and how much would this cost? Funds are tight to say the least and I can't bare the thought of having to wait and save or is it easy enough to apply myself? Sorry for all the questions but my head is a shed with it all and I just want a way forward and to see my daughter asap.
Thanks in advance Steve

It is easy enough to apply yourself to be honest. You need to be organised to know exactly what you would like, what you would compromise to and focus on what arrangements would be best for your child. The cost of a child arrangement order is around £220. If you are still not seeing your child then it would be best to ask for interim contact within your application.

Did the mediator sign the form? My partner has always had the mediator sign and give the form there and then so he can apply through the courts.

If you got any other questions there's many people on here that could advise, share experiences etc.

Hi no he just rang the office and asked them to send it straight out
Thanks Steve

Hi just a further update I met with the mediator today for my initial meeting after listening to a brief summary he rang the office and asked for an fm1 form to be sent to me which puzzled me he did not say why is this because he saw it was unsuitable for mediation? He did not say that but I am seeing it in a negative light I did stress that the social services and police were satisfied nothing untoward had happened and had closed the case I expected a few weeks wait for the form? In the past my ex has refused mediation does this have any bearing? Do I now find a solicitor and how much would this cost? Funds are tight to say the least and I can't bare the thought of having to wait and save or is it easy enough to apply myself? Sorry for all the questions but my head is a shed with it all and I just want a way forward and to see my daughter asap.
Thanks in advance Steve

I wouldn't view it as a negative, there could be more than one reason, he doesn't think mediation would work, or she has previously refused mediation.

You have to decide whether you want to instruct a solicitor to act for you, or self represent. If you decide to act for yourself, the court fee for the application is £215 and that would be the only outlay. If you want to use a solicitor the costs will be much higher and generally, you're looking at an amount in the thousands. You could try to negotiate a fixed fee with the solicitor, which might be helpful, but if you feel that you can't afford the cost, self representing is doable and we've had many members here that have done so with much success. We would of course do as much as we can to advise and support you.

To reduce costs, some people do a lot of the initial ground work themselves and employ a barrister for the final hearing, some use the services of a McKenzie Friend (MF) which is more affordable. If this is the preferred option, it's important to do your research and seek recommendations, as MFs are an unregulated body and there are some that it wouldn't be advisable to use.

Hi can someone advise on the form c100 section 1a it asks if the children are known to the children's services? Do I answer yes and give the social worker's name etc given the nature of my original post? Thanks in advance Steve

Hi please could you give me some advice, having put in my court application I got a call from the social worker saying he had been to see my daughter to ask her if she wanted contact to finalise his report. He said she was very vague and not at all the child he had seen 2 weeks before. He said he thought her answers were a result of mum's wishes and he would be going to see her at school away from her mum. Her mum said to him my daughter didn't want contact with me but he implied to me he did not think it was the case.
I really do not know what to do for the best if my daughter is being given negative reinforcement about me and being given what they call PAS how can I carry on the courts won't want to listen. Seems her mother will get her wishes and shut me out of her life I can do nothing. All I have ever been is a caring attentive father I am at my white end and on the verge of just walking away from it all so she isn't put through anymore as much as I love and miss her I am losing the will to fight on as hard as I try the law is in her mother's hands to use as she wishes and I am powerless to show the truth please help I don't know what to do for the best.
Thanks in advance Steve

It sounds to me that social worker has some insight into the mothers actions, hopefully visiting your daughter at school will help her to open up to him and tell him what she would like to happen.

The whole process can be such a strain and very stressful, most people have doubts that things will work out, it's normal to feel that way. Try and take some time out and go and do something you enjoy, recharge your batteries, but dont walk away, you would always regret it and your daughter needs you in her life.

If the report is favourable, the court will want to move the contact forward, try not to think too far into the future and justdeal with the here and now and putting forward the best case that you can.

Speak to the social worker about your fears for your daughter and that you had thought about stopping it for your daughters sake, as you are worried that if the mother is trying to influence her it will be causing your daughter a lot of distress. Explain that your daughter is your priority and all you want is to be a part of her life and because of that you will push on with it, but ask if there's any services available to help your daughter during this time.

You could contact her school and ask if she can be offered some pastoral care, someone that she can talk to in confidence about her worries, ask the social worker if that would be possible.

All the best