[Solved] Abuse

Hi just been catching up on your messages

Re school: are you registered with the school as the father? Ask them for a meeting maybe? You have a right to do this.

Re McKenzie Friends: I would say go with someone who isn't going to charge you for an initial call and see if you have any rapport with them. Anyone who takes a tough / aggressive stance - AVOID. MF's are unregulated and I've lost count of adversarial MF's at court who can aggravate proceedings. Try to get a recommendation if you can.

Re first hearing: Take a brief position statement with you on the day outlining the difficulties you have had, that the mother has not supported contact at all, and should not be placing the emotional burden on the child and that you have lots of text evidence that reflects this. mention the things she is accusing you of, that you outright deny these and are seeking assistance from the court. Keep it to max two pages if you can. To be honest, going to the first hearing alone is usually easy as with these type of cases, it will either get sorted by agreement in one hearing or the court will set a further hearing and ask for reports and statements.

Sorry to hear this has all been going on. Best of luck

Thankyou Yoda it is good of you to take the time to help. I shall do as you have advised at once. One of the things I believe I have to do is turn up for every contact regardless of texts etc saying it wont go ahead as failure to do this is a breach on my part if this is correct do I have to do this right up until court? It's of no inconvenience more from the emotional stand point it's very draining as well as the risk of confrontation. From the latest vile accusations by the ex and can only imagine it will need reports as understandably the court will want it looked into by professional,s that being the case do I ask for interim contact until resolved? Do I ask for the first case to be looked at so a background of things is considered? And would it be wise to ask the court to get the social worker involved again? My thinking being this will be less traumatic for my daughter as she knows them and they her? Makes sense to me but is it wise to ask for these things? After reading many threads on similar cases it seems to be a case of parental alienation with her mother putting nothing but negative reinforcement in my daughters mind do I mention this? Apologies for all the questions but I just want to be prepared for whatever may come many thanks for your time and advice Steve

you can contact the social worker to see what they say if they work for Childrens Services - if you mean Cafcass - they won't talk with you until the court orders them to do so.

If she says don't turn up, then don't turn up. The last thing you need is accusations of harassment on top of everything else.

Get your application in and deal with it at court.

Thanks Yoda I took the time to ring the local police station and they were very understanding but did point out it could lead to them being called out despite the order, the lady said it's quite common for people to do this in order to claim harassment and obtain something called a non molestation order what is that it sounds dreadful?? She did go on to say that if mother had sent texts saying no contact technically I would be in breach but provided that is sent no reasonable judge would find me in breach for non attendance which makes sense but I know how silly this system thoughts on this anyone?? She added that if no text was sent then I could attend as it would go against me as she would simply say he didn't turn up again this makes sense but I would value any thoughts opinions or experiences so confused many thanks in advance Steve

Quite simple - don't turn up if she sends you a text or email telling you not to. She can't then say you chose not to attend.

If you attend when you've been told not to, she can use this to get a Non-molestation order and apply for Legal Aid.

Just get a court application in. I can't see any other way around it.

Thanks Yoda I put the application in for enforcement last week so just waiting. As you advise I will not attend should she text but as she is doing this on a weekly basis stating times and dates of contact I would have thought should she not send a text then I have to go or she will simply say he didn't turn up that day so breached would this be the case? Therefore no text I have to go or risk that? Sorry for going on but it just seems such a grey area and I just want to do things right. I have also contacted my daughters school regarding this mentoring mum has asked for they were very accommodating I must say and I have an appointment with the head teacher this coming Friday I made it clear that my only wish was to make sure my daughter received any help necessary being stuck in the middle of this farce, I do hope that was the correct approach or will they just assume some kind of admission by me? Seems paranoid I know but that's where this has put me to be honest along with moments of self doubt. Thanks in advance Steve

hi steve,

if she sends you messages with: NO, you will not see your kids. or don't pick them up, you cant see them. then thats good enough reason for enforcement. if you dont live very far, you could turn up to pick up kids. let her know your waiting. if she still says no or no reply, then atleast you tried. but i dont know what your like. in such a situation would you go mental and start banging on her door to let you see the kids? it would look very stupid on her; applying for a non-mol because she breached the court order when you came to see your kids.

Hi just an update regarding the mentor thing at my daughters school I made an appointment to see the head and went she was very pleasant but when I asked about this she claimed she did not know the answers ie who instigated it, who did my daughter see, what was said and so on, I am sceptical to say the least as head of the school surely she would know or have found out prior to the meeting!!!! My daughters new teacher also got in touch to update me on her progress which I appreciated she told me what a wonderful happy child she was as well as being one of the schools top achievers this obviously made me happy, that said it is hardly the things you would expect from a child who feels intimidated and afraid of her dad!!! To add to the insult I recieved court papers regarding the c79 I submitted February 2020!!! Ridiculous is there nothing more I can do?the poison and damage my ex can apply in that time is unthinkable!! In my mind there are obviously no safeguarding concerns from the school as social services have made no contact with me whatsoever, I need to get this into court asap before I am alienated all together is there nothing I can do? Thanks in advance Steve

hi steve,

some courts are busier than others. i made court application like a week before xmas. and my first hearing was booked for 31st jan the following month. what i would suggest is you regularly ring the court or email, asking if any dates have freed up before february so you can attend earlier.

A court order in child custody cases is as good as to wipe your [censored]. 50% of courts orders are not enforced.

lol its been working ok for me so far. i dont see what the benefit is for you to spam every post on here. its not benefitting anyone and it's 100% negativity.

Sorry bill dont get your reply that aimed at me? Bit bizarre

Sorry bill dont get your reply that aimed at me? Bit bizarre

hi,

which reply? the one where i suggested you to ring court to see if theres any available dates before your february hearing?