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Hi please help I have been split with my ex since my 6 year old was born but have had regular contact for the most part. Recently I introduced my daughter to my partner who I have been with for some time and they get on brilliantly my ex dislikes this and has said so. After contact became sporadic again I approached mediation and as soon as she became aware my ex claimed my partner had hurt my daughter which is nonsense and claims it's gone on since day one. Whilst I know it's not beyond the realms of possibility that it's true I have been with her 4 years know her well and my daughter dotes on her and wants to be in her company all the time. Social services have been involved but were very slow to inform me and they have apologised for this. My question is do I keep going to mediation etc or do I wait until this is sorted? I have been accused of nothing at all but she still refuses any contact and nothing has been proved as true. How do I stop her doing this again in the future it nearly destroyed my partner who was distraught to say the least. Thanks in advance Steve
Hi having recently posted about false allegations of abuse by my ex saying my new partner hurt our daughter,which were fully investigated by the police and social workers they found there was no case to answer at all and indicated they thought my daughter had been coached in her answers.
The social worker involved gave my ex their findings and said there was no reason to with hold contact. My ex said no on the grounds she was protecting our daughter and no contact would take place while my partner was there. I offered to take that contact up until such time as a court order could be made which was met with a tirade of text abuse saying that both myself and partner had hurt my daughter and she had evidence of this, complete nonsense as no such thing has ever happened and in the event any such evidence existed it would have been presented to the authorities. Why would she do this when it is easily disproved it makes no sense at all is this just an attempt to keep my partner out of my daughter's life? I have a mediation meeting in 10 days does this effect that and does it need mentioning? Is this just an attempt to hold the contact process up?
I am struggling to cope with all this nonsense which is what it is I feel like screaming shouting or something it's ridiculous and harms my daughter she loves her time with me and the family I just really don't know what to do please help!
Steve
Hi There,
I would hope that there will be a lack of evidence which should mean that the case gets dropped.
I would continue with mediation while it is on going, as going to court while this is hanging over you could slow things down.
GTTS
Hi, I am more in your partners position...partner of a father with a child, which mother despises. .. its such a shame but unfortunately it happens.
Are you married with your partner?
To be honest i dont really know what my partner or i would do in your situation but maybe suggest to your ex, due to her concerns you will see your child without your partner present. I think reinstating contact is important and should be the first step. If she refuses, it will show that she is not being reasonable. It is in your childs interest to have contact with their parents.
Have you got a court order in place?
For your partner, just reassure! Its a great thing to be able to take on someone elses child and have a good bond with them. I have a good bond with my partners child but theres things that the child knows such as her mum does not like me and the child isnt allowed to mention me when shes with her mum, to the extend where my partner was on the phone to his child and his child asked to speak to me and her mother hung up and refused.
I received a lot of grief at the beginning (i think the mother felt i was a threat as another woman in the childs life, another mother figure - i have never tried to be the childs mum - im more of a friend to her), but now 4 years on since being introduced.. the only grief i get from the mother is dirty looks....and it hasnt intereferd with the bond their child and i have!
Personally, I dont see the harm in continuing mediation but maybe others on here can give more advise.
I agree with the others, I would continue with mediation.
As Ldad suggests, it might be worth agreeing to contact with your daughter away from your partner, but make it clear it's a short term solution and is in no way an admittance of guilt on your partners part, but for your daughters benefit, so that her distress at loss of contact can be minimised.
The best way to avoid it in the future is to get it discussed in court, and an order made.
I do feel for your partner.
All the best
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