[Solved] A start of a painful process

Hi All,
Ok I been and read a few things on here looking for advice. So, I thought I write my story and then continue to reading up as I think this separation is now going to get messy.

We split 9 months ago after nearly 17 Years. Have a 2 yo Daughter. Reason we split was she has not loved me for years. apparently 4 years. I asked why give me 3 kids in last 4 years. (we had 3 but 2 did not make it.) Her response was, “I hoping my feeling would change toward you”

She was just about to kick start a career. she asks me to move out with our daughter as she be working away a lot, be best if she lives with me. I said no we should stay in flat and you move out.

She no family here as they all live 300 miles away.

She picks my daughter up and started packing her bag. Said I’m going back to mum and will turn my family against you and you will never see your daughter again. So, I backed down and move out with my 2yo 3 week later in a rented flat.

Since then she racks up 30k debt in her name. I check the house and my name all is ok. 12k was for cosmetic surgery.
Day we move out she stayed in a hotel with a guy on our door step so a guy was involved but I can’t prove this.

Blackmail she kind of admitted it was a heat of the moment (in a text), but I said it work and I move out at no point you said I could stay.

Child arrangement we agreed and sign (ordered the parental plan from Cafcass). she has her every wed and every other weekend. It did not work as she was palming her off on her weekend. I also felt she should spend more time with her daughter.

I change it so she has her 3 days a week. We had spreadsheet. Before the month kick in, we could fill in the days we were not available or if we want our daughter. It works for 2 months till she has her cosmetic surgery. She had nothing in place for while she recovered so I had my daughter for 5 weeks. One point our daughter was very ill (Sepsis), She did not once come over to see her. She lives 5 min drive. She was working and seeing her boyfriend at the time etc. but could not come and see her.

So, fed up I suggested we see a mediation. no reply. Then I have an email to say she gone to see one will I be willing to go to a session. I agreed. Mine in a few weeks.
I’m annoyed as we both live in the same town but she chose one near her work which is 23 miles away.

She wants 50/50 which is fine. But I told her she should pay the childminding fees on her days. She thinks I should claim it on benefits since I can. My question is, I thought the benefits was for me and my daughter when she in my care?
I also say she should take 50% responsibility. E.g. her childminder has 4 weeks off a year. I done 2 of these already. she refuses to do any.

She also said our 2 yo said “daddy don’t clean her.” Had a 2-year health visitor check-up the other week, she has no concern! and her childminder who is Ofsted register says I’m doing a fab job. I bath her every night.
So, I feel this is going to get nasty.

On the finance side I want to move back in to the house. I need time to pay a loan off, 4 years and then I should be able to buy her out. Cheaper as well mortgage only £350 quid a month. I’m paying £800 living in a rented place 2 bedroom and no garden.
She says she going to force me to sell the house as she told me the debts are crippling her.
So, any advice on my first meeting with my mediator would be very helpful. From what I reading it seem get the arrangement done 1st?

Thanks guys.