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Hey guys,
This ones a little difficult to explain, and it's something I've been putting off for a long time... Mainly because of the anxiety it gives me.
basically I left my ex wife around 4-5 years ago now, this was due to the relationship becoming domestically violent ( Had to leave after she put a knife to my chest, and told me the only reason she wouldn't stab me is because our daughter is in the other room.) So I guess you can get a picture of what she is like.
This took a huge tole on my health, I suffer from epilepsy - which seemed to of began around the same time she got worse.
I eventually moved to another city, around 1hr 30 mins by train, due to her harassing my girlfriend at work. The move hadn't mad things easy on seeing my daughter, for the first 2 years it was a struggle however the last year, I haven't seen her once. Each time there is an excuse, which inevitably makes me seem like the bad guy. Today I've had the same, I wish I had the time to go over everything but it's isolating my daughter from me and she's now believing everything her mom says to her.
What would be the best thing going forward? It's causing an incredible amount of stress, which I'm seeing a psychiatrist about. She has defiantly ruined my life, friendships and family. And now it seems as though my relationship with my daughter.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. And I'm so glad there's a forum for help such as this.
Kind regards
- Dean
Hi,
Sorry to hear that your going through a difficult time. How old is your daughter? If you are very keen to restore contact, there is option to take legal route. Sounds like mediation with your ex will not work, and you would frankly be able to skip it because of those incidents you mentioned.
@bill337 Hi Bill, thanks for the reply. My daughter is 8 now. I have been thinking about the legal route, I just get an incredible amount of anxiety when it involves my ex. So I have put it off as a result. That and I wouldn't know where to start. All I want is to be able to see my daughter and not have to deal will all the negative behaviour from my ex.
@bill337 Hi Bill, thanks for the reply. My daughter is 8 now. I have been thinking about the legal route, I just get an incredible amount of anxiety when it involves my ex. So I have put it off as a result. That and I wouldn't know where to start. All I want is to be able to see my daughter and not have to deal will all the negative behaviour from my ex.
It does sound as though the only option is the legal route. You can do this yourself or you can use a solicitor. There are some helpful guides on the advicenow.org.uk website which will explain the process. You are required to try mediation first unless there has been domestic abuse. I'm not sure if events 4/5 years ago which presumably weren't reported will give you the exemption. You may wish to try this route first anyway so the notice of a court hearing on your ex isn't a big shock. It will be a long slog as she'll probably play dirty but courts are very much in favour of children knowing two parents. You may have to see her at a contact centre first as you haven't seen her for a while but hopefully this will be short-term.
The first step is to think about what you want. You want to see your daughter but how often and when?
She is school aged and your distance to her school has big impact on how often your could see her during term time. This would likely be:
-Over night from fri/sat to Sunday 1800 every other weekend.
-Mid week pickup from school to then drop at her mums by 1800.
-Half the school holidays.
However if you move within 30-40min then you could practically see her more often. Because she is 8, her wishes carry medium weighting if she is interviewed by Cafcass as part of a section 7 report.
So take your time and think about what you want and the changes to your location or work schedule that you are willing to make to see your daughter.
Be patient as the court process can take 6-12 months. In the meantime, don’t contact her family, threaten her or turn up at her house, The first step I’ll be to attempt mediation or fill in a C1 form if you believe that you or your daughter have been a victim of abuse.
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