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Hi guys, most of you know my situation. I am a Dad and was granted full residency along with my wife this year thus giving her PR.
During court proceedings, the flash points for conflict between me, my ex and my wife have been high. Myself & my wife have always remained calm and have tried to diffuse any situation that has arose.
Recently, I was away for work. My wife did the handover and my ex lashed out at her, leaving my son really distressed and in tears. My wife managed to calm him down and therefore persuaded him to go with Mum.
That weekend including the pick up at the end of the weekend was awful, this resulted in me applying for a non molestation order against my ex to protect my son, my wife and me. I feel pretty embarrassed to admit that I need protection from anyone, let alone a woman. It was a big step for me. Anyway, we went to court, she contested it as expected and it has now gone for a contested hearing. My approach is that my statement will read something like this "These court proceedings, wether for the child arrangements order or non molestation order have been lengthy, stressful and have made an enormous impact upon my immediate family. It is with this in mind and the fact that Miss xxx chose to proceed with a contested hearing and add yet further trauma to this already highly tense and stressful situation that I do not wish to cross examine her. My initial statement remains the same at the point of applying for this order and of course, I am willing to answer any cross examination from Miss xxx as she see's fit"
Would this be ok or is it better to cross examine?
We also have a child arrangements order whereby my son goes to her every fortnight, unfortunately my son has developed a tic and upon speaking with the doctor it appears that it could be tourettes. Now this is either hereditary which is out of the equation or from environmental factors such as drinking or smoking throughout pregnancy which is more likely. I know it would appear that I am looking for someone to blame but really I am thinking of my son and this tic has got severe in the last week. It appears to get worse at the very mention of his Mum and sometimes his 'episode' can last as long as 10-15 seconds which the doctor said was a long time.
Where do I stand on asking the Mum to have a break or having son for the day and not the night in order to reduce his anxiety? (doctor said that stress & anxiety is contributing to the severity of the tic. At the current state, my ex has blocked me on all communication which is fine by me but she is completely unapproachable and leaves me with no option but to speak with her upon her arrival at the handover location this week. my son doesn't want to go and I am aware that this isn't enough but I am seriously concerned about the well being of my son and as much as I do not want to breach the order myself, I also do not want to send my son in to a situation which will ultimately make his condition worse.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you
Because of the ongoing case, stopping or limiting contact could be tricky, it could be seen as malicious. As there is a non mol in progress, its unusual for there to be any contact between the parties, how come a third party wasn't introduced to take care of handovers. As there is no communication wbetween you, again it makes it difficult.
Can you get a letter from your sons GP? As you have had contact with a Cafcass officer, you could contact them about your concerns, give them a copy of the GP letter and ask if they could communicate with you ex to explain tha contact won't be going ahead for the next weekend and from then on, shorter day only visits will go ahead, just until your son has settled down.
The only other option is to apply for a variation within the existing case, using form C2. As long as you have some form of medical proof, it should be taken the right way.
Thanks Mojo, I didn't think about being seen as malicious. Thats not my intention at all. I have had to raise issues with my ex and it was being done by text as she requested. She then requested that we call her which we agreed to when problems arose. Then my ex rung and said that it was all getting too much and that if my son comes back anymore and says anything else thats it she wants nothing more to do with him.
We have been referred to a paediatrician this week so dont even have a diagnosis as of yet. I am not sure I could get a letter from the GP at this stage especially before the paediatrician appointment. The GP said he suspects that it what it is and that is what has caused it but he is just the gateway to the diagnosis. Proceedings finished for the CAO in May but the contested hearing is at the end of this month.
I feel that if the stress of seeing her is exacerbating the issue and the tic then surely it would be better to monitor that than allow it to get worse and put him under further stress?
CAFCASS said they have no further involvement. We raised numerous concerns that the risk for conflict was high but that wasn't listened to. We were basically told, you are adults and you will have to deal with each other.
It's not what I think, but it could be perceived in that way.
A letter from the GP to state a referral has been made to a paediatrician and for what reason, would be helpful, it's worth asking.
If you suspended contact, it would be down to her to enforce the breach... you have a sound medical reason to have stopped contact, so I doubt it would be enforced. How about an email to the court, under the existing case, to explain the new situation with your son and the actions you feel compelled to make, adding that due to the lack of communication and the other party's hostility, discussing your sons worsening condition is proving impossible and you would like advice on how to proceed with this, in light of the ongoing non mol case.
Thanks Mojo, I didn't think you meant that.
I will ask at the doctors and see if that is something I can get. When you mention the existing case, do you mean the CAO or the non mol? Contact is due to take place this weekend so I am pretty limited on time.
The CAO is finalised isn't it, so I meant the non mol.
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