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Evening gents,
I'm sure I find myself in a very common situation, and I'm sure cases like mine have been seen a million times, but there's so much information and so many case studies that I'm struggling to find a clear answer.
Bullet points:
- My ex and I have an 18 month old boy, whom we both adore.
- We've had a turbulent relationship, on and off for a few years.
- The last time we were 'off', she became drug and drink dependant, and started behaving erratically,
- She met a new guy, got more into drugs and put herself up for prostitution. While a prostitute, she was raped and robbed in her flat.
- I became concerned that I hadn't heard from her, and sent my mum to her flat, where she found her unconscious, beaten and close to death.
- I nursed her back to health, took her back, and and she declared her love for me once more. We vowed to make a final go of it.
- Her family, unaware of the drugs or prostitution, started to sense that her behaviour was erratic, and falsely attributed it to us getting back together, ignorant of the timeline. They gave her an ultimatum: them or me.
- She felt pressured, took drugs again and smashed her face up by falling on my wall-cum-radiator when totally out of it.
- She woke up, still drunk and high, and accused me of assaulting her. She then proceeded to cut her wrists and demand I drive her home. I refused, and she told me that my son and I would never see her again and left without a goodbye.
- At 2am the following morning, the police arrested me for suspected ABH and returned my son to his mum. It transpires that she left me off the birth certificate.
- Despite restrained emails asking how my boy is, I haven't heard from her in over two weeks.
- Her family are convinced of my guilt and have advised her not to speak to me or let me speak to, or see, my son.
What's my next step?
Do I get a solicitor to send a letter, inviting her to mediation?
Do I submit my Parental Responsibility and Contact Order forms together now?
I've not heard a peep from social services.
Really lost lads, any help much appreciated.
I miss my boy more than words can say.
Hi there
Are the police taking any action for the alleged ABH? That will have a bearing on any court application, or indeed whether mediation would be appropriate.
Don't bother with a solicitors letter, attend at the mediaton services yourself and discuss the issues, if they feel mediation can go ahead they will contact her directly and ask her to attend.
If mediation isn't an option, you can apply to court for a Child Arrangements Order, but I must warn you that because of this ABH hanging in the air, she may be eligible for legal aid for a solicitor.
If court goes ahead, CAFCASS will most definitely ask you about the recent incident and reference it in their initial safeguarding report for the court. If she or you have any history with the police or Social Services this will also be mentioned and you will be asked about it during their interview with you, usually carried out by phone. It's best to be open and honest with them and try and refrain from any bad mouthing of your ex.
I'm sorry, this must be tough for you and it's likely that you won't see your boy for a while longer...I wish I could be more positive for you, but patience will be your ally right now.
All the best
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