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Well deserved sticky status...Another great and easy to read guide from Mr Slim, aka Sticky Master! 😉
Today was awesome and a massive learning curve it's shown me that the way I have approached everything has been spot on so here's a few pointers of how to conduct yourself throughout a Family Court case.
BE YOURSELF
Don't try to be something or someone your not there's some very clever people in the courts and they will see straight through you they've seen and dealt with every joker under the sun so don't be one of them.
TELL THE TRUTH
Don't lie EVER it's not worth it as above the courts have seen it all before if you do you will need a very good memory and every action or thing you say could come back to bite you in the [censored] it's also very self satisfying knowing you haven't lied your conscience will always be clear.
YOU CANNOT BEAT THE SYSTEM
If you try it will come down on you like a tonne of bricks it can't be done just don't let it beat you.
BE CHILD FOCUSED
After all this is why your there in the first place the whole system is set up with the childs best interests at heart and the law states that every child has the right to BOTH parents in their lives and the the courts stick to this like glue so if you come across as just trying to get one over your ex then they will weed you out.
SEVER ALL CONTACT AND COMMUNICATION WITH THE EX
This is a tough one if your getting endless abuse by text phone call FB messages ect then your best plan of action is to delete them change your phone number do not contact the ex at all outside the court, this was one of the hardest thing to do for me as my ex is obviously the mother of my child and I wanted to keep in contact to find out how my Girls were when I realised my ex was just trying to get me done for harassment and was using my Girls as weapons a Police officer told me to cut all contact as thats what the ex was up to they can slap a non mol on you these days at the drop of a hat and pretty much any text be seen as harassment so be careful.
DO A BULLET PROOF BUNDLE
A bundle is a lot easier to compile than you think and it is pretty straight forward once you get into it mine reads like a story it's basically just something which is easily referable to in court when you are arguing your case all your applications go in there, cafcass reports a chronology of events, a position statement, expert reports drug test results and any certificates of proof that you've attended courses ordered by the courts ect you can band in a section for supporting evidence things like photos, birthday and fathers day cards ect. I will do a how to do a bundle guide shortly it puts you in good stead for the court and it gets it straight in your head what you are actually in court for, start doing one early as possible then you wont have a mission to do towards the end of the case.
DO A BULLET PROOF POSITION STATEMENT
As above it's worth doing a position statement as early as poss it's basically just a brief outline of the history between you and your ex and how you've come to be at court, drop in your concerns if you have any and list your requests to the court basically tell them why you took out the application if you want PR for your child children and what contact you would like to have, again I'll knock up a little how to do a position statement guide in the near future.
CONCENTRATE ON YOUR ACTIONS
Do not worry about what your ex is doing concentrate on yourself if your ex is breaking the order ect don't worry about it just keep your nose clean be whiter than white and never be on the back foot.
JUMP THROUGH ALL THE HOOPS AND TICK ALL THE BOXES
Whatever the court ask you or order you to do DO IT no ifs or buts if it feels beneath you then just crack on swallow your pride and do it for your flesh and blood it will be worth it in the long run trust me, try to preempt everything too if the Cafcass reports say I think the applicant needs to do a parenting course go and find one and beat them to it.This worked wonders for me.
GIVE UP YOUR ADDICTIONS
Whether it's Drink, Weed, Coke, Speed seek advice and give it up as if you ex knows or gets wind of it it will be used against you, even if you smoke a bit of weed you will be considered a crack head in the courts they are so behind with the times it's untrue, if you can go cold turkey do it otherwise go and see your GP speak to a drugs help group it will be worth it in the long run trust me.
BE NICE TO EVERYONE
This is a tough one and I struggle with it big time but it's paid dividends be nice to everyone in court, the mediator, solicitors, cafcass, contact centre staff, the court office staff EVERYONE people have long memories so be polite and well mannered throughout the whole case.
Happy hearings
Mr Slim 🙂
Excellent Slim, haven't been on for a while felt really down, wife said last week she was going to start allowing contact never happened, heard this too many times, just going to leave it to court now what ever the outcome. I have phone interview next Tuesday, then First Hearing Dispute Resolution in two weeks, ive as you have said started bundle at the begging and position statement. Question, at this first hearing will we be just sent away to try mediation, I carnt see PR being settled straight away, ive asked for interim contact in court papers, should I ask for this during first hearing, I guess what i'm asking is what should I expect to be decided at first hearing, i'm usually very positive person, don't feel like that at moment.
First hurdle is the telephone convo with Cafcass, do not slag the ex of in any way shape or form leave all the slagging off to her keep everything you say 1000% focused on the child and be careful on every word that comes out of your mouth don't become to friendly with the cafcass officer they will [censored] on your from a great hight have a read of my do's and don'ts guide on dealing with that sack of ****.
You want a decent report as the court will more than likely go off their recommendations to the word so make sure it's a good one this will be the main point of the first hearing.
I'm sorry you are feeling down it is completely understandable but you need to get your confident head on you WILL be part of the little ones life it just takes time and don't let the ex drag you down else they have won also try not to think to much and analyse everything just concentrate on the next stage so get the telephone interview out the way then concentrate on the actual hearing read my sticky on first day in court it's really not as bad as it seems,
They may try and get you to go to mediation or they may ask you to do a spips course you can never be sure with the courts and yes its the perfect time to ask fo interim contact. As long as there are no major safeguarding issues then more than likely interim contact may be granted but it really does depend on that s2 report.
I can't really say how to deal with feeling down and not that positive I've been there and I don't know I have dealt with it if I'm honest I supposed I've just looked at the end game and theres nothing else you can do but fight on at each stage, it's so draining when your still in contact with the ex as they can bring you down at the drop of a hat thats why I cut all contact with the [censored] saved loads of hassle.
I've said it before but get yourself out and about keep your mind busy throw yourself into work thats what I did for 10 solid long hard months.
Keep your chin up mate we're all always here 🙂
Excellent post Slim. I'll add to your be whiter than white and giving up addictions - when I was going through my case for residency a few years ago, I mentioned to my barrister that I'd probably end up in court for riding a C1 without a helmet (for anyone who doesn't know - probably most of you - these were scooters designed specifically to be ridden without a helmet, and were legalised to do so in pretty much every country except the UK, and my friend had been to court and been found not guilty by the magistrates, but the police were still issuing tickets) - even though this was completely irrelevant to my case for residency and was a minor motoring offence, my barrister strongly recommended that I stopped immediately as he didn't want even this brought up in court if my ex ever found out.
I need alot of advise from you slim but im just figuring this site out and how to put my problems on here,, I've put up my problems but can't find them but I would like your advise once I've sorted this out cheers
If you click on your own username in the post above, it will take you to your profile, including the recent posts you have made, then click on those post topics (in blue) and it will take you there.
Hey mate yeah no problem once you get your head round this site post away I'm sure everyone will be pleased to offer you some advice 🙂
Hi slim excellent advice and I will be using this as my motivation, I'm going to print it off and stick it above my pictures of my daughter, please can you give me a example of your bullet proof position statement?? I need all the help I can get
Just keep it brief and to the point dont waffle on design it completely around your child and their best interests just focus on that you're wanting your child to have you in their life pm me if you need any pointers and ill dig out mine.
all the best
slim 🙂
That is really inspiring i have not seen my 2 eldest for a year and a half nearly as seems i don't have parental rights to them but i do to my 2 youngest what a stupid law even though i have pr for my 2 youngest i don't get to see them unless i go and get them from school and bring them back to mine myself if not i have no access at all. I have no orders or injunctions against me the ex tried to get me done for dv on 3 occasions but to no avail no charges were brought against me. It is quite clear ex wants me out of their lives and ex won't encourage the eldest 2 to contact or speak to me. I just want to know that i won't be arrested if i take the 2 that i have pr for home from school to spend the night with me at least once a week, i need to make up for all the lost time over the past year and a half so need to take matters in hand, i hardly recognise my 2 eldest i don't feel like a dad at all.
If you have PR you can't be arrested, but It's probably not a very good move to take them overnight without the other parents agreement....even with PR, as she could accuse you as a flight risk and use it to stop contact in the future.
The best option is to do it properly with the current options available to you, which is to attempt mediation and if agreement can't be reached, to apply to court for a Child Arrangements Order for a schedule of contact for you and your children. At the same time you can apply for PR for your two older children, and as long as they're under 16 you can also include them in the application for contact too.
There's lots of info about the process in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, but if you have any specific questions about the procedures, please don't hesitate to ask.
Best of luck
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