[Solved] A few issues?

Hi there and welcome 🙂

I think before things start to get too strained it might be a good idea to try Mediation. Once you contact them you would be given an appointment to go and discuss your concerns with a trained mediator. After this initial interview, which you would attend alone, they would write to your ex and invite her to attend for a meeting to discuss the issues put forward, after this a meeting would be arranged where you would both attend and with the guidance of a trained mediator talk through your concerns and hopefully come to an agreement.

Heres a link to the Mediation Service ~ www.nfm.org.uk

Strictly speaking the resident parent does have more say in what happens with the children, and things like holidays, although they should be discussed with the other parent, theres nothing to say it has to be! Where they attend school is something you should be made aware of, and you are entitled to liase with the school to find out how the children are doing, attending parent evenings, and receiving school reports. Who the children mix with, again there is nothing to say this has to be discussed.

Changing the name is a different matter and she would need your permission to do so.

I think that Mediation could be really helpful for you both and it will give you the opportunity to express how important your children are to you and how much you would like to be involved in all aspects of their life.

Yes you have rights as a father to know what is going on in your children’s lives, however the mothers seem to think that you don’t have any right to know anything other than what they want to tell you! …. Don’t forget though….if those rights were really rights then we’d not have pressure groups like Fathers4Justice or FamliesNeedFathers etc… I’ve recently been reminded of a program that Bob Geldof did for CH4 last year…. ‘Geldof on Fathers’ shows what a lot of us seem to be faced with.

I can tell you that when my ex started demanding to know where I went with my little one…who we saw and what we did…I asked her do you tell me? Then she started getting sh*tty with me and caused me more problems in seeing my child.
The fact was we were doing nothing different to what we normally did but the ex had it in her head that I was not doing what I told her we were!
This was around the time that she started seeing someone so maybe it was her thinking I was introducing my little one to someone else….i wasn’t and never have in all honesty!

She cannot legally change your child’s name without your permission, she cannot register your child at school or doctors etc… without the child’s true name…i.e. the name from the birth certificate.
However she can ask for the child to be “known as” whatever she likes and there’s very little you can do to prevent that apart from going to court and asking for a Specific Issue Order.
I’ve done this as my ex changed my child’s name just after when I started legal action for more contact……I only found out when I found out what nursery he was attending said they had not got a child with my surname there. I’ve a hearing at the end of the month which is going to be covering this issue as well as broken orders by the ex.

With regard to Schools and holidays – its simple….you would be expected to tell her if roles were reversed however I’ve had to find out about school via asking her in court as she refused to tell me when I’ve asked before….holidays I’ve found out about from my little one telling me through the few times I’ve had a month or two contact with my little one.
Again…if you were the RP (resident parent) she would be demanding to know these things!!

Anyway yes you have rights….but getting her to see that is very difficult when things break down between you.

Others here will be able to guide you on the legal side of things better than I can.

Hi There,

As said you do have rights, you need to play things in a way that you can always hold your head up and say "I did things the right way" the biggest piece of advice I would give is don't enter into petty arguements over anything, think before you respond and alsways stay calm no matter how hard this is.

As NJ has said mediation is always a good starting point and if it doesn't work you will have a pretty good idea of the issues should you feel you need to attend court.

Darren

.....say "I did things the right way" the biggest piece of advice I would give ...................

I think that's an excellent piece of advice - nice and simple.