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Hi there this is my first post here so I'd like to say hello and thanks to all those responsible for making the effort to put this site and all its resources together.
I've recently split from my partner and we have a two year old son . We have both attended individual mediation appointments and l will be trying to arrange our joint mediation as soon as I can. It doesn't look like we will be able to agree on access and things will probably end up going to court it seems. We are currently able to talk but it usually results in a fight or disagreement and it's becoming harder.
I'm looking for some advice on what the courts class as reasonable access for fathers. I work away for a month at a time and then have a month off. I've been a very hands on dad from the beginning doing just as much if not more whilst I'm home and relishing being able to do so. I've spent much more time at home than away due to the downturn in the oil industry so have been in his life everyday months at a time. There have been plenty of days when It has been just the two of us. Typical days would see me up first and we would play together before breakfast. We would spend the day together and I would quite often bath him and read him a story in bed etc.
I'd really like to see as much of him as I can whilst I'm home from work. Ideally 2 nights a week and every other weekend Friday to Sunday. My ex partner is pretty insistent that one night a week and every other weekend is enough and any more would not be in his best interest. I dont believe this levelnof access would allow us to maintainin the strong bond that we have built up. If anyone can offer any insight as to how the courts might go on this I'd really appreciate that, thanks.
Hi There,
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It's difficult to say which way a judge may go, they take each case as it is and yours is quite different as you will be away for around a month at a time.
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I do think that you would hopefully stand a good chance of getting somewhere around what you are looking for as the judges do like to try and keep things so that the children get to spend planty of time with both parents.
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GTTS
Hi thanks for your reply. I would hope so, I don't see it as unreasonable in any way but like you say it all just depends on what that judge thinks on that particular day. Annoyingly she has decided that I can't have him overnight in the meantime until something is in place as this might effect her chances of getting what she wants. I'm still in the family home where he has his room and plenty of space to play in and she has taken him away to her parents to stay in an overcrowded house in a spare room.
What I'm really stuck on is what I can expect in terms of custody. With me working away a month at a time I'd really like to spend 4 nights per week with him for the month I'm home. I wonder if any court woukd agree with this as I very much doubt she would.
Apologies if this is in the wrong section could a moderator move it to the relevant place please
Hi there
I'm sure if you put it in certain terms....suggest that if you had a normal 9-5 job, then alternate weekends (friday - monday/3 nights ) and a weekly contact would be fair, (that equates to 8 overnights in a monthly cycle) but working with a month on, month off rota, your options are less fluid. Suggest that on the month that you are home contact should be every weekend Friday to Monday, plus a day in the week. That would equate to 16 overnights in a two monthly (60day) cycle, which averages out to 8 nights per month., which is the same amount of contacted if you were on the alternate weekends/weekly contact cycle.
There's nothing wrong with asking for more than you would be ok with, it allows you to compromise without giving too much away.
It's also a good idea to get extra time during the holidays and if your child is school age you could ask for a fifty fifty share of school holidays and shared/alternating special occasions such as birthdays and Christmas.
All the best
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