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Hi All,
New to the site but have been reading through the forums for about a week on and off and have found a lot of useful information, however I have one question regarding my situation that I'm not sure if I should be concerned about or not and thought I would ask.
A quick history:
Separated in April 2012.
My 3 year old son has stayed with his mother.
A private contact agreement had been reached in mid June, detailing not only regular periods but also specific holidays such as Christmas and the summer.
Agreement was firmly rejected initially by my ex, and in all honesty was not actually agreed to with any good grace whatsoever, although she did agree and signed a copy of the agreed schedule.
7 weeks later and 2 weeks prior to my holiday with my son, I receive a letter from her, rejecting several major points of the agreement, including a shortening of my summer holiday, and proposing significantly less contact.
On the advice of my solicitor, whose opinion was that the breach in agreement was sufficient justification to apply to the court for a formal contact order, I have indeed applied to the court, but will be representing myself.
My concern is this, whilst I fully agree with the opinion that the agreement has been breached and therefore any mediated agreement is likely to be treated with similar disdain, in reality how will the court react to my stating that I have not even attempted mediation. I'm firmly of the opinion that it would be a complete waste of time and money, and only really achieve a prolonging of the inevitable need to approach the courts, but is the court likely to understand or appreciate that fact?
Any thoughts or opinions would be greatly received, and I'm sure I will be back with further questions as I build my case and get closer to the first hearing date.
Cheers guys.
Did your solicitor not say anything about it? I was informed that the courts will not even discuss contact until you have been to mediation. I was also told you only have to go to one session!!
Hi there,
I think that the court would expect mediation to have been tried...court is considered as a last resort, and courts generally expect all other avenues to be exhausted first.
When you attend court the judge is likely to direct you both to mediation before proceeding any further.
If you initiate mediation prior to your attendance at court, your ex may well refuse to attend anyway...which would give you a slight advantage in as much as you appear more willing to reach resolution. It would indicate that the mother is putting her own feelings above the benefits of reaching agreement for the sake of the child.
My solicitors advice is that because we had reached a 'reasonable' agreement, that had been signed by my ex, that has subsequently been breached, any mediated agreement is not going to achieve anymore. In correspondence my ex has made it quite clear that she wishes to keep all contact to a minimum, and has no intention of 'allowing' anymore than she has to, and furthermore has proven not only with the agreement breach but in other correspondence as well, that she has no issue with changing her mind as and when she feels like it.
The application has been written by my solicitor, and provides examples that can be evidenced, as to why I would have zero confidence in any mediated agreement, and it all makes absolute sense, however it still bothers me. I know mediation will almost certainly be a waste of time, and whilst we may achieve some form of agreement, it would only be a matter of time before any such agreement is breached again, unless of course I agree to a 4 day summer holiday (to include existing weekend contact) and Christmas day at hers with her other children!! (her proposal not mine)
I would fully expect her to agree to mediation, as she has indeed mentioned it before, however I also know that she will not budge on the 2 key elements of discussion.
My proposal for a summer holiday is a continuous 2 week period, hers is 2-3 days attached to an existing weekend.
My proposal for Christmas is to alternate a 5 day period across Christmas, hers is either I spend Christmas day with her, or I can collect my son on Christmas day afternoon after his lunch and bring him back Christmas day evening.
I don't consider either of these proposals to be reasonable or indeed in the best interests of our son, and furthermore she has agreed to my proposal once already, why would she not agree again only to breach when it suits her?
I take your point and hopefully the judge will too, and agree to progress the application. Good luck!
I guess that why it bothers me, I know the reasoning is logical and not unreasonable, and yet my fear is that I'm going to have to be seen to be 'playing the game', which in all honesty is only ever likely to be a waste of peoples time, and simply prolong the time taken to achieve a reliable solution.
I fully appreciate that I may not get everything that I want, although I don't think I'm being unreasonable, above all else though what I want is a solution that I can trust and know that if I make plans they are not going to scuppered on a whim.
I agree with your solicitor and would argue that you thought you had already reached a solution, which the mother had agreed too.
It may be that a court would order mediation, but court ordered mediation is a little different in that you can ask that any agreement be taken back and enshrined within an enforceable court order.
If she was to break the agreement again she would be in contempt of court and may be subject to penalties.
Thanks for your comments guys, it sounds like I'm in a bit of a grey area, with a possible argument that may still end up going to mediation. However the fact that I can request the outcome of a court ordered mediation be formalised into a court order perhaps is the halfway house I was hoping for. At least if I can get something concrete, I will know where I stand.
Will see what happens I guess.
Thanks again.
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