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Hello to all forum members,
Regular reader, irregular poster here!
Firstly I wanted to give a huge thank you to all of the moderators - their dedication to helping and supporting members is immeasurable. I specifically would like to thank Mojo, who has been a crutch to me and my husband through extremely stressful times - the spot on advice, encouragement and kind words has been what has seen us through - thank you again, Mojo ☺
Secondly, I just wanted to briefly offer our experience so far through the Family Court, in the hopes it may be useful to anyone going through similar. Our story has not quite yet finished, and certainly has not been as traumatic as many of the members on this site - however, as they say, knowledge is power!
The mother has been incredibly hostile since they separated when she was pregnant with his youngest child. Contact was frequently stopped with his eldest for months at a time, he was obstructed from all aspects of his childs life and he was never allowed any contact with his youngest and she refused to put him on the birth certificate. This all naturally took it's toll on my husband and so he made the very regretful decision to give up. There was never any DV or substance abuse involved, and he works in safeguarding. He is one of the nicest people you could meet.
After four years of no contact, and his cards/letters to his children being witheld, he found the strength to self represent and applied for a Child Arrangements Order and PR for his youngest. He also applied for a Specific Issues Order requesting shared travel as the distance between homes is over 100 miles.
The mother refused mediation and so they had their first directions hearing as she was disputing PR but agreed to a period of indirect contact. Cafcass confirmed there were no safeguarding concerns. At the hearing the Cafcass officer more or less forced the mother to agree PR. The order stated that the father should send cards/letters to the children on a monthly basis and the mother was to encourage a response, for an interim period of 6 months. At my husbands request, they also were ordered to attend a Separated Parents Information Programme.
In the meantime the mother insisted they attend mediation to which my husband reluctantly agreed. Following mediation the mother rescinded on agreements they made and refused communication. Therefore they attended their second hearing, a first FHDRA. At this hearing, it was ordered that direct contact take place averaging once a month (due to the distance), mother to share travel and she was allowed to supervise the first 4 visits for just the first half an hour. The mother wanted to supervise all contact on every visit but thankfully the Judge did not agree that this was appropriate. My husband was opposed to this due to the hostility she shows towards him and how this is projected on to their children. Again this was for an interim of 6 months with a second FHDRA listed. Also the judge ordered skype contact once a week.
Yet again the mother was insisting they attend mediation but my husband refused this time, as clearly it did not work. His relationship with his children flourished over the next 6 months (however, only when the mother was not present - whilst she was there the children were very withdrawn from him). Due to many disparaging comments that his children have repeated to him that they have heard their mother say, it is clear a degree of Parental Alienation is happening in their home.
They recently attended the second FHDRA as the mother again refused to communicate with him to come to an agreement. Shortly prior to the hearing the mothers solicitor stated the mother would now like a Section 7 report to be done and the hearing adjourned. Considering the mother had raised no concerns previously, this came as somewhat of a surprise! When we attended the hearing the judge ordered contact to progress to our home every 3/4 weeks - a mixture of day/overnights, travel to be shared. Skype once a week to continue and also email. He was not best pleased at her attempt to involve Cafcass at such a late stage without any basis, and thankfully he did not order this. He said that as proceedings have been dragging on for some time now, he would like them both to come to their own agreements for how contact should proceed (which is difficult when the mother will not communicate!) and therefore has closed the case - BUT he has stated in the order that my husband has liberty to restore the case within the next 8 months. So if the mother again refuses to communicate or they simply cannot agree, my husband writes to the judge and he will then list for a final hearing... So we will see what happens!
I hope this may help anyone going through a similar situation.
☺
Thanks for the update Jss... It's been a long drawn out journey, but you're getting there and I'm so pleased that things are working out for you all. I won't hold my breath about being able to reach agreeement, I feel a final hearing will be on the cards, but that's for the future and with any luck won't be necessary, despite my misgivings!
Mojo
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