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I have a 50/50 shared residency order which is been in place for 6 years, i have 2 girls aged 9 and 11 .
Last weds night i had an issue of my ex informing me through email via a mediator that my eldest now wants to live with her. she raised some concerns she had for the last 6-8 months (first i had heard of it i might add and she didnt think to let me know!)
basically i went to mediation on the friday as it was the day i should have got both by girls back for my 7 days , foolishly in hindsight at mediation I let my ex have my eldest daughter a couple of extra days as she was upset and didnt want to come to me anymore, like a numpty i listened to what the mediator was saying and agreed to a day to see her over the weekend, i seeked free legal advice on mondaywhom said shes in breach and its her responsibilty to make sure she is available. i havent seen her again since and now ex is not only trying to get mediation to continue rather than return her and breaching the contact order but worse still my daughter is now screaming down the phone she doesnt want to come back to live with me and she hates me(I couldnt even agree to come for a night this week) she is definitelly being told what to say also as i heard ex whispering while she reeled of jargon regarding court orders and mediation, she says its her choice and noone can make her live with someone she hates. thats not my daughter speaking, the longer she isnt here properly the harder its going to be for her to deal with.
I just dont know what to do, i cant physically force her to come from school and her mum is allowing her to have the right to go to hers and not standing up for my right. she thinks i should mediate but i dont think i should until my daughter is back in the routine she has had with me properly.
my youngest is coming to me as normal.
what is likely to happen? do i need to contact the courts saying she is breaching the order? could my youngest be affected even though she is wanting to come to me ?
also i have to state my ex for the last 6 years has lived with her parents , at times with 2 sisters a brother and my kids, now just one sister there, she work full time and often the children are being cared for by her family, im pretty sure most days in the week she finishes mostly between 7pm.and 9pm
i work part time on a week on and off so around the children and have a stable routine . i think the reason for any of this is because mums is more 'fun' and there is more freedom and less routine.
will any of this be taken into account if i had to go back to court? and would the previous case too? it was proved she stopped communication etc previosuly and got torn strips off?
I just dont know im at my wits end π
my view on this is that this is a breach of the order and you should be going for enforcement (mediation doesn't seem to be helping at all). However, it will be a long process, so I'm not sure if you can get an urgent hearing to get contact resumed - anyone else have thoughts on this?
given the age of the child, an application for enforcement would likely warrant a wishes and feelings report and as actd says, be quite a long process. Unfortunately, if mediation is not working a court application is the only other option available. You could attempt to try to reach any agreement that you can in the interim so that there is some contact with your daughter while the case is being processed? It will be much harder on all of you if there is a break in contact. Good luck.
thanks for the replies, its soo confusing and upsetting, i feel my hands are so tied and im walking on eggshells π
just a little update, I have actually seen my eldest twice now for a few hours each time and although things between us were fine and we laughed and interacted well, im getting complete mixed messages as she seems to get cold as soon as mum is coming to get her. she actually said openly to me she would be happy coming every other weekend off her own accord (the week during which her sister would be with me) which I actually thought that was a great start at least.. UNTIL.. mum came to pick her up and as she is going out the door she says she doesnt know if that will happen .. thats how its now left. her mum is actually revelling in the fact she has the control and is trying to be seen to be offering me contact but backtracking when it comes to anything over night,; i shall try cant make her' is her response to everything.
little one was in floods because her sister isnt staying with us (shes still extremely adamant she wants to spend her time equally but obviously its tough on her not having the norm.we have had a fab fun week though i have to say) she hates leaving me as it is and often gets upset as im on my own here when i dont have my girls.
this just doesnt just affect my eldest but everyone and i think my youngest is going to need a lot of support as shes an emotional child anyway.
im absulutely positve her mother is manipulating the situation. one thing I have always been very good at is not slagging off her during their time with me (despite how i may feel most the time!) and i know thats not been the case her end over the years, many times the kids have cried because mum or mums family has said this or that or they had secrets they couldnt tell me, on one occassion after their grandad had picked them up ( i opened door and said ill just get them mate) they returned the following week saying dont call grandad mate he doesnt like it!
I was always of the mind set that when they get to an appropriate age and they really want to know the facts then i would allow that to happen, i was thinking more after they had left school but maybe some facts should be shared with eldest now if it helps her have a more informed mind? i just dont know, i dont want to upset her any more and nor do I want the court to frown upon anything i do, but surely she has a right to know if she isnt getting the whole story?
it wont be easy listening and shes only 11 , all i want is whats best and it is absolutely breaking my heart:(
the hardrest thing in all of this is that i just dont undestand whats going on. we never had a blazing row, i havent grounded her, i actually havent done anything major to cause this but its hard not to tak it to heart. part of me doesnt even want to take it to court or anything if its just going to hurt her more π
on top of this im extremely worried about how this is all going to affect our home, i have recently moved so the girls had their own bedrooms, i work part time and have to pay the bedroom tax for one room. i get Cb and tax credits for my eldest and ex for youngest as awarded by court, if i lose that I wont be able to stay here and dont know what i would do and there wouldnt be a cats hells chance my ex would swap so i got cb for youngest.
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