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I was divorced from my first wife almost 30 years ago. We had 2 children and I used to see them at weekends. Then I remarried and was stopped from seeing them. The ex had a letter sent to me stating that it was her opinion that the children would be better without having contact with me.
Long story cut short.....I have recently tried to make make contact with both my kids,now 30ish years old, and have received some very angry responses from them,which is understandable after this length of time.
It has been suggested to me that all legal documents are kept on file for some time but I would need to know the name of the solicitor involved,but cant remember when or where let alone who was acting for either of us.
What options do I have other than do nothing???
sadly I don't think they would still have your case details,
your adult children may obviously had hoped you didn't leave it so long before you contacted and they have grown up without their dad regardless of what the mother said
it could look like to them you got remarried and 'forgot about them'
I would hope that you tried every way possible to stay in their life's to send them birthday cards to let them know you cared - without this I am not surprised they are angry also it won't do to put their mother down as she has raised them been their all the time, I feel in these circumstances I would bow down and admit you have not done enough to see them, thank their mother for rising them and say you would hope to build a friendship to get to know them and that you completely understand how difficult the situation is,
times were different 30 years ago I totally understand, but your children have grown up where dad's are much more hands on, etc
so my advise is tiny steps and don't try and fight them to prove who's fault it was or wasn't accept it was a horrible situation and in all that time you could have done more etc
this is of course if you want a relationship with them ... I would think that they contacted you back is a good sign and you can build on that
Speaking from the child's point of view, Eric is spot on. I turned 40 last year and finally spoke to my Dad for the first time a few weeks ago. I tracked him down through Facebook as I needed some medical history on his side. I've gone through all sorts of emotions over the years with regard to him, compounded further when I became a Mum.
I'm trying to build a relationship with him and not be too judgemental, I'm currently supporting my partner through contact issues so have a better understanding than most of seeing it from both sides and this goes in his favour..
Expect that they will be angry but also know that they will, for the main part, actually be quite sad about it. I think Eric's advice would be a start, my Dad has done this and it has helped massively with my decision to build a relationship with him. Good luck 🙂
... As you say, their response was understandable after all this time.
Eric and j1626 have both given good advice...perhaps you could have done more to be in their lives but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I'm sure you never stopped thinking about them.
There's no point looking back and getting hold of solicitors letters really won't serve any purpose...I guess you need to be the bigger person here and take it on the chin.
Losing a parent is almost like a bereavement in a way and your contact with them will have bought all those emotions back to the surface...anger, sadness, grief, confusion...but hopefully at the end of it, acceptance and a desire to move forward and build bridges. Just be sensitive to their needs and allow them to set the pace. It may sometimes feel like one step forward and two steps back but hang on in there and eventually, if you are patient and understanding and don't try to blame anyone, they will be ready to have you in their lives again.
Good luck.
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