[Solved] 2 year old gets very upset when collecting him

Hello MrB179,

I personally do not think you have anything to worry about at all.

This often happens and at that age you cannot reason with him and it would appear to be a short lived upset at the point of handover. The fact he is happy at your house, does not cry and you have a fun and loving relationship when you are together enforces my belief there is no need for concern.

I do not believe he is traumatized at all and also believe Social Services would not view the matter as a serious concern. Having said that I am assuming there has not been any safeguarding and / or welfare issues concerning your child.

What I would do to minimize the upset at changeover is to make the change brief (no standing about talking to mother or trying to pacify your son), have a happy disposition, and importantly take a favourite toy that is in your possession with you and give it to him as soon as you see him. Don't use a toy that his mother has as she can take it back whereas if you use your own it is in your control and possession. Don't hang about at handover, pick him up, say bye, bye, put him in the car and go, even if he is crying and throwing a tantrum.

Take a kind, positive approach. I am sure given a little time the situation will improve greatly.

Thank you for your reply.

There are no safeguarding issues I've ticked all the courts boxes regarding accusations. No cafcass reports ordered, Drug test pass, GP report no concerns and all positive contact centre reports. As I'm sure your aware all this takes time to go through the system and mine and my sons time has been limited due to this but I'm making progress slowly but surely through this stressful process.

A toy is a good idea to the door, I've been taking my tablet and putting Disney films in the car so that keeps him happy it's just that initial detachment from my ex which she seems to be heavily playing on.

I've have had my son 2 months since second hearing so I suppose it's still a bit new to him it's just the mind games of his mum maybe getting to me as I feel she going to try the traumatised issue as her last ditched attempt to prevent contact going forward and I just hope the courts will not consider her lies making there final decision and that I can go to full overnights fri-sun alternative without further delay as I know she will try slow this down as much as possible

[censored] crazy woman ay ha.

Thanks.

Hello MrB179,

Regarding your wife's approach / attitude this is why you need to be so careful as to not leave yourself open to false accusations. Remain above reproach and always be polite and courteous at all times. I'm sure you have saved all texts, emails, letters and a diary which may be helpful in proving any false accusations should any be levelled at you.

You have achieved a great deal.

I would not be concerned about your son crying when leaving his mother. As you say it could be because "it's still a bit new to him" or it could be a natural "clingy" phase which many toddlers naturally go through. This is why I suggested making the handovers brief because the longer the changeover lasts the more it can encourage the crying / tantrum to continue.

Stay child focused when in court and be honest and open. Whatever you do, do not get involved in any petty issues with your wife. The court's only concern is the welfare of your child.

It is a worry and a long stressful process for you when dealing with this type of mother but from what you have written, I personally cannot see any reason for you to be unduly concerned.

I would take some photos of him settled and happy at your home to counteract anything she may say about this in court.
Also you could say that it is your feeling that he is picking up on his mothers anxiety during hand over, as once your on the road he settles and is perfectly happy and thoroughly enjoys his time with you. Suggest that it might help if his mother were to do more to encourage him when handing him over.

It might be helpful to suggest that the overnights be progressed more slowly, starting with just one overnight for the first month, and if all is well, to increase that to two nights...that way you are showing thoughtfulness and it would weaken the mothers argument further.

All the best

Thank you for your reply.

I've taken lots of photos not for evidence but merely for memory's of the good times we are having but there will be plenty more taken and I will print out some for the hearing as it's a good idea. Ironically I've taken photos of him settled in the car and sent to the mother to make her feel at ease but soon as she don't like what she hears she will turn but I will save the information and prepare.

I have suggested once that maybe if she was comfortable that we try one or two overnight before final hearing so he gets use to the overnights but bottom line is I think she needs to be ordered by the Courts otherwise there is trouble. I know me having him on my own sends her crazy so I just got to prey that will get easier after final hearing.

Watch this space gentlenan and I will put my updated of how it going.

Thanks.

My daughter is the same. Crying, getting stressed out, asking for her mum. Then about 10 mins later forgets all about it. Just stay calm and take her off in the car, because if you get stressed too that will only make it worse. I know from taking my kids to nursery before things broke down, they often cry for a few minutes then settle and forget about it.

Today after she had been happily playing for an hour or so, she suddenly said that "mummy gets very sad when I leave", which confirmed my suspicions. She is picking up on her mum's distress and anxiety and being upset by it.