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Hi All
I am new to this forum and to be honest I never thought that I would be posting about this subject.
I have been married to my wife for 19 years. She now wants to leave and has been in a state of in decision for the last 6 mths. I have evidence that she has been 'trying' to play away from home. No evidence of actual affair.
We have 2 children. One aged 14 years old that is aware of the situation and a 7 year old. The 14 year old wants to stay with me and we have already agreed not to separate the children. I have convinced my son that we should have shared residency in that they will saty with me for 4 nights and with the mum for 3. As per a Gov website I have told her what the child support payments will be to her based upon this arrangement. It was not what she was expecting!!
We have a large amount of equity in the house and I will be looking to remortgage and staying put thereby releasing about £150k to her.
Combined with her share of other assets, she will be looking to leave with about £165k. She doesn't currently work but not because she is unable but because she didn't want or need to at the time. Over the years she has started work and then quit when she didn't want to work any more. Even if she does go back to work there would be a big gap between her earnings and mine.
She is looking to put all of the cash she will leave with into a house even though she could easily rent. However, based upon the life style that she wants she feels that she can't afford to survive and has today raised the 'threat' of spousal maintenance.
So after all that ramble, what I really need to know is will she have a claim, since I will have the kids for 4 days, she will have a huge amount of money on departure and the only reason she maybe short each month is because she is un-prepared to live within her means.
For example she is still calculating over £100 in her budget for social activities when I don't even got out much. Another thing I would mention is that I have already agreed that she will receive a share of my quarterly commission when I earn it.
Thanks gents
You need to get proper legal advice on this - try to get a free initial consultation with a family lawyer.
As far as I know, there may be a possibility of a claim for spousal maintenance, BUT the courts do expect the mother to work if it is feasible, and with the age of your children, she is going to be able to get at least part time work, so I don't think it will necessarily be that bad, and as you will be the primary carer, she may even come out with less equity that you are expecting. Could be something to bargain with there - but as I say, get proper legal advice on this.
It depends on a few things, her age, is the main one I found. My ex was 38 and hadn't worked for 11 years. She had a few part time jobs as and when she wanted but nothing serious. Went to Financial Trial and judge rules she was young enough and the kids old enough (11/13) for her to get a job. Get a good solicitor and good luck. PS its going to cost a fortune but worth it. As far as I know SP lasts until she remarries or dies!!!!
I'm not a solicitor just been through it myself.
Hi
My ex tried the spousal maintenance thing, she too decided she didn't want to work not that she couldn't, we went to mediation which I think most courts will insist you go through these days. The said unless she was getting on in years and hadnt worked all her life she can expect maintenance. Or we had kids under 7. Other than that the mediator said " Trace you need to get a job" I could of cuddled the mediator. . . 👿
I have the same situation. I really do feel for you mate. For as long as our first child was born - who is now 14, my wife has worked part time. Got fed up and took breaks from employment and dipped in and out of various part time jobs - stacking shelves, dinner lady etc. She is not career minded and refuses to look for full time employment.
I have 3 kids. The oldest is 14 and the other two are 12. Old enough for parents to work full time. I grew up with both my parents working full time.
In anycase, the reason why she wont work full time is because of the benefits she gets. Not only that she is going down the route of taking as much equity out of the house as she can so she can then buy somewhere and have an equality of life. I have my kids 3 nights per week which classes her as the main carer. I pay maintenance based on 3/7th reduction and been left to pay the mortgage and associated joint payments (house insurance, mortgage protection) At the end of each month, I am left with nothing. I am drained financially because of the debt I have that is all in my name yet was joint spending.
She is now targetting for not only a massive pay out from the house, she wants 50% of my pension and spouses maintenance on top.
I think it is disgraceful that this can be allowed to happen. I am fighting this all the way. She should be forced to increase her hours to start earning her own money. Sponging off benefits seems to be far too easy. We would all love to work 9-12 during the day everyday but in the real world we all need to earn our living.
I cannot believe that she has been told she can secure a mortgage on her income. Tax credit and working families apparently go towards her annual income as regular income. Cannot establish how that is possible if the payments will stop in 6 years time!!
Maybe I am missing a trick here but it doesn't seem right.
Hang in there fella - we are all here to help and advice. I have found this site a great deal of support.
Sorry, I've just re-read - I missed the fact that the children are staying with you. Potentially, you might get more than you are expecting from the equity, though if you can afford to keep the house by buying her out, the court may be happy with that. As above, she is able to work - she's young enough and she won't be tied by children, so I think spousal maintenance will be minimal, though she may have a claim on your pensions. However, she will be liable to pay you child maintenance - though it might be worth keeping that quiet until it's al settled as she might suddenly decide she wants to keep the children - as a last resort, you could probably settle in court that you won't claim child maintenance, but 12 months on, you'll be able to open a case with the CMS anyway.
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