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Sorry if this has been covered elsewhere, I'm pretty new to this whole separation lark, and I wanted some clear information as to what I have to cover...
We have 3 kids, they live in the Marital home with my wife, I moved out just after New Year.
A bit of background. She's self employed, with 2 businesses, one of which is still building up, so profits are currently low, and not guaranteed, and another, while well established, is seasonal, and again, money is not guaranteed every week/month. Some months nothing, other months, upwards of a a couple of thousand...
I'm quite well paid, and as such, we've always just budgeted for my wage only, and anything else was a bonus, but we were living payday to payday, and things were getting "heated" over money, etc...
We have been quite lax with finances in the past, we had quite a lot of debt on credit cards and stuff from before we got together, in her name, which she used as collateral to set up the business, buy equipment, etc...since then, we've had to buy a car, new kitchen, etc...all on credit, which at the time was just about affordable...until we had baby No 3, and then we were struggling to get by without maxing out our credit streams each month...
Around October time, we decided to apply for my wife (as most of the credit was in her name) to go into an IVA to try and reduce our debts, with the upshot that we'd have spare cash each month, and the worry would reduce, and the downside that her credit rating would be shot for 6 years until it was paid off...
I though that this was the start of a new period in our marriage, but it seems she had other ideas, blamed me for our financial woes, and we've now separated, and for the sake of the kids, and them not being brought into the ongoing arguments, bad atmosphere, etc, I moved back in with my parents...
Up to now, I've been paying all the outgoings, the full mortgage, utilities, car insurances, car tax, phone bill, Cable TV, house insurance, life insurance, her IVA and childcare costs...
Since we separated, she's applied for and now received Working Tax Credit, to the tune of £200 a week, and the Child benefit, which is a further £47.60 a week, as well as any money she brings in from work...so minimum about £1,000 a month...
She's now covering her IVA (£350/m), her phone bill (£25/m) and food for her and the kids (say about £400/m), as well as any going out she does...(which seems to be quite a lot recently)
This leaves me with about £800 a month left over after all the outgoings, but out of that, I need to travel to work, feed myself, clothe myself and also do my own thing...I can't stay at my parents long term (I'm 35 ffs) , as there's no room for the kids, but I also can't afford to rent anywhere big enough to have them all over comfortably either...
She's refusing to sell the house, knowing that her credit rating is toast for 6 years, and she'd end up having to either use her share of the equity to rent, or end up in a council house, which is not something I want for my kids...and I can't get a mortgage while I'm still on this one...but in an ideal world, I wouldn't want to sell it anyway, as its the kids home...
I suppose I just want to know what I can reasonably expect her to pay towards, bearing in mind she doesn't always have a guaranteed income on top of her Tax Credit and child benefit...
Hi There,
Welcome along, This sort of thing gets asked a lot, but don't worry, it's not always easy to find posts relating to your own situation.
if we look at what you "legally" have to pay, that would be a percentage of your wage as child maintenance, this can be agreed between you and your ex, or can be calculated by CSM (formally CSA) you could use the calculator on thier web site as an idea of what to pay and then try and agree with your ex on that or ask them to calculate for you, they can also collect the money and pass it on to her but they charge you an extra 10% on top and a smaller percenatage to your ex (4% I seem to remember) then you would have to pay half the mortgage whilst your name still appears on it as well as any insurance policies related to the mortgage.
This should give you a good idea of what you "have" to pay, from there you can look at what is reasonable to pay on top if you wanted too.
I would maybe suggest mediation for the 2 of you, within mediation, you can talk openly about finances and the children and come up with an agreement with a 3rd party present to help promote a compromise.
Hope this helps.
GTTS
Hi There,
Welcome along, This sort of thing gets asked a lot, but don't worry, it's not always easy to find posts relating to your own situation.
if we look at what you "legally" have to pay, that would be a percentage of your wage as child maintenance, this can be agreed between you and your ex, or can be calculated by CSM (formally CSA) you could use the calculator on thier web site as an idea of what to pay and then try and agree with your ex on that or ask them to calculate for you, they can also collect the money and pass it on to her but they charge you an extra 10% on top and a smaller percenatage to your ex (4% I seem to remember) then you would have to pay half the mortgage whilst your name still appears on it as well as any insurance policies related to the mortgage.
This should give you a good idea of what you "have" to pay, from there you can look at what is reasonable to pay on top if you wanted too.
I would maybe suggest mediation for the 2 of you, within mediation, you can talk openly about finances and the children and come up with an agreement with a 3rd party present to help promote a compromise.
Hope this helps.
GTTS
Thanks for the welcome, and the information...Its a horrible situation, but I suppose I'm lucky in a way, comparing myself to some of the other dads on here who are in what seems to be an even more horrible position...its a reasonably amicable split, in that we can spend the day together with the kids of a weekend, and can be civil to each other...and I see the kids most nights after work, before I go back to my parents, but the ideal situation is that I can afford to keep the kids (and by extension, my wife) in their home at least in the short term, while also supporting myself in a rented place at least big enough to have the kids over...
I'll mention mediation to her, but we've been reasonably good at agreeing stuff up to now...although if it gets to the point where we need to look at selling the house to enable me to afford somewhere, that may, unfortunately, change...
Thanks again...
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