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I shall try to keep this simple.
I came into out relationship with debts, which grew as I tried to support the family. At no point did I tell my partner, then wife, of the extent of these until the preverbial hit the fan.
When it did, we had to try to sell the house (which she had put all her savings into buying) but due to the housing crash, couldn't and it was re-possessed. As there was still a loan in both our names which was secured on the house(*), which could not be paid off, along with the other debts built up on credit cards, we both had to go bankrupt. Since then we have only been able to rent
(*) - she did sign the form but now claims she didnt understand that it was secured on the house - obviously we don't have the record of the conversation, but in hindsight I can believe that at the time I thought she understood more than she actually did of what it was.
Five years on and the marriage is at an end, and she is now demanding her money back and wants to be able to buy again when the bankruptcy disappears from her credit record. She wants the amount she put into the house, plus the profit it would have made had we kept it, plus her mother wants all the money she lent us during the aftermath, as she is running out of the money left to her by her late husband and has had to downsize her home twice. The basic point is that they are not to blame for my financial mistakes.
The issue however, is that I dont have that sort of money. I have fallen off the career ladder and cannot get back on due to having been out for five years when the market has moved on, so am only earning a basic wage. My parents, brother and sister all own their own homes, so she is arguing that I should get the money from them taking out equity loans on their houses, as although she agrees it isnt their fault (although she does blame them for many things) she does feel they are better placed to take the hit than her and her mother.
How can this be resolved? If I had it, she could have it, but I don't and I cannot see how putting more financial strain on my family (who also put a lot of money into helping us after the bankruptcy) is fair or going to solve anything.
Is there any other avenue that I can look at to breka the deadlock...?
H Rover
I honestly don't think it would be right for your family to take responsibility for you and your ex debts. Life is full of ups and downs and to be honest I think as you are not in any position to pay her back then she is just going to have to get over it and move on.
Claiming that she didnt understand what she was signing isn't an excuse and wouldnt make any difference if she were to try and take you to court for the money...she signed it!
The housing crash isn't your fault, many people have found themselves in negative equity, it's a painful fact of the property market, prices go down as well as up! Although I'm not in negative equity, my house is now worth £40-£50,000 less since pre 2008 levels, like many I just have to swallow it.
I don't believe there is anything her or her mother can do legally to make you liable for all the debt. It's unfortunate that her mother is out of pocket, but not uncommon for parents to try and help their children financially and unless they draw up a contract when handing over the money there's no law that says they are entitled to it back.
It's a cruel twist of fate for you all, but I don't know of anything that will put this right.
I agree with Mojo - it's unfortunate, but your ex would have been more than happy to take any profit if things had gone well, she also has to take the hit if it goes wrong - that's what "for better and for worse" means in the marriage vows, and your ex married you - the rest of your family didn't take those vows. If you wish to repay (and it does seem like you are feeling bad about this), then that's between you and your ex and her mother.
Its not right that your family will be the responsible for your debt of your ex wife dude.
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