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Hi I'm in a predicament.
I split with my ex a few weeks ago. We have separated before but this is he finally time. I was sent packing with no where to go and no car to get anywhere. Since then I have managed to find a bedsit so I'm surviving. I've been caused of all sorts and I am looking in to paying or a polygraph test so I can at least clear my name and hold my head up moving forward.
My problem is I pay my ex 150 a week out of my 400 wage I also make the car payments for the car she drives and her insurance. Before we separated we had built up debts. I know there in her name but I acknowledge them and I have said when I earn more I will pay towards them but it never seems to be enough. Once I pay my rent there isn't much left. Last week I gave her an extra 100 which she never acknowledged. This week I put 150 in her bank but she used my details and took the rest of what I had 300. Left me with 20
Couldn't pay my rent and after 20 calls she answered and said it was for bills that were overdue. Then followed a load of abusive messages. My next wage is only for half a week and that will cover me catching my rent up so I said to her to use her credit card and I would sort it with my overtime that is coming up. To which I was told she is taking me to court over finances. I've not seen my boys in weeks and now she won't answer phone to me so can't talk to them.
I think I've been more than reasonable with the finances and I think she is dreaming if she thinks a court would give her more but how do I approach all this.
I would die for my boys.
Any advice please as this is really tormenting me and I know what's gonna come on Friday when she gets no money off me but in effect she stole 2 weeks worth in advance.
Help.
DHi there
I think you are being more than fair with the amount you are paying...it's quite shocking that she was able to steal from your account and I would hope that you've taken steps to prevent that from happening again.
Are you married? She could ask the court to settle the financial side of things as part of a divorce, but I doubt she would get anything like what you're paying her right now!
Have you done a CMS calculation to get a rough idea of what you should be paying. Here's a link to the calculator
www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
Whatever the amount (for two children its about 16% of gross income) that's all you would be required to pay if you were paying through the CMS...She would have to take care of her own car/insurance payments and all other household expenditure. If you wanted to you could open a case with them yourself and ask them to sort it out, then you would set up a standing order for the payments to be made.
As far as seeing the children, they must be missing you as its only been a few weeks....it's so cruel of a mother to use the children as a weapon. They have a right to have a relationship with both parents and you do have options. Your first step would be mediation to try and sort out contact, you could also use it to try and reach a fair agreeement over the finances too. Here's a link to their services
www.nfm.org.uk
B est of luck
Just to add, I know you have said the debts are in her name but you admit liability; it might be worth speaking to a debt adviser who might be able to help you both negotiate repayments on the outstanding amounts.
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