[Solved] Moneys getting me down... Sick of not being the breadwinner

Hi EdensDaddy,
I'm sorry to hear you feel guilty about your situation.
For just over three years I have been bringing in less income than my wife. It used to be different, but now I bring in about a quarter of what my wife does. It probably took about 18 months to get used to the way things had changed.

Here are some thoughts that have helped me (in no particular order):
- Don't be so hard on yourself. The measure of a good Dad has little to do with money. You contribute what you can!!! Stressing yourself out won't help you or your child or your wife.
- You work as a partnership, or team with your wife and therefore providing the best that you can jointly. Its about working with your strengths and benefitting from your differences.
- It helps to focus on the time you are investing in your child. Children remember the time you spend with them. They like it when you learn what they like. They like you helping them discover their strengths and get better at those things. They simply like knowing they can approach you with their needs and questions.
- Whatever their age, children need to be hugged and know/hear they are loved by you - their Father.
- Children remember enjoying things and have no regard to their cost: a walk through the mud and searching for different leaves; enjoying the 'tradition' of visiting a local park/swings; making a tent in the living room with a sheet and chairs AND even sleeping in it overnight!!! Those are the memories that outlast plastic toys or long journey hoidays.
- you are giving your child a wonderful role model of what a male can be like.
- parenting is about being 'good enough'. Not perfect. We can't be super-human and provide what we simply don't have.

I don't know any blokes who think or say that I should be earning more.

We have a house to live in. We pay our bills. we have enough to get by and make whatever fun we want to.
I enjoy bedtime stories, visiting the park and having a helper when I washup or cook in the kitchen.

Your child will tell their childen stories of how you chased them in the summer with a worm.

Edensdaddy,

I am no longer the major breadwinner in the house - I work part time, do the housework and look after our thirteen year old daughter. My contribution to my family is not monetary - its my time. I am able to support my daughter through her teens ,help her with her homework, i clean the house, cook the meals, walk the dogs - doing what i do enables my wife to concentrate on a job she loves and that takes up a large amount of her time.

Traditional family roles have changed - i don't think there is any stigma attached to my role in my families life. In fact a few of my mates would love to be able to spend the quality time that i get to spend with my daughter (when she's not having a strop 🙄 ) with their kids.

Similarly you can't measure your role in your families life by the wage you earn. Be the best husband and the best dad you can be - thats the best way to judge if you are a success. A good dad is not someone who earns a lot of money but someone who is able to give their time to their kids and that costs nothing but is really priceless.

Hey everyone,

Just thought that I would write a quick post. Im married with a beautiful wife and child. My wife is ten years older than me and a lot more settled in her career than I am and earning a lot more than me. Sometimes I feel pressured because im only earning about a third of what she does. So my contribution to household bills, shopping, days out, etc. is not even to hers....by far.

It leaves me in a very difficult position because I would like nothing more than to be able to give more, but without going bankrupt, I just cant do that! I hate the feeling of guilt......It goes against the grain for me as I feel that a good dad should be able to support and treat his family.

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom to help me out here?!

Hi Edensdaddy,

Just had a read of your thread and there is some great comments!

Just picked up on the comment about bankruptcy, are you struggling with some debts?

If so, I work as a Debt Counsellor for the Consumer Credit Counselling Service and I am I happy to offer advice.

Sarah

yeah, like the above, i now work part-time and earn really very little. i look after my girl 4 days a week and my other half earns the dosh. it's great. it was really liberating in fact!

the money i earn just pays for a couple of bills, i save some for my daughter's future and that's about it. we really don't have very much at all, but when i think of people who really don't have very much at all, then i consider myself lucky. if i need the money for something major, then i look around the flat and just sell something. family is the most important thing. money just comes and goes.