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I am married, have been for nearly 10 years, 3 chilrden. my wife had trust issues when we met, especially regarding money, so allowed her to control the finances with the agreement of, over time this becomes shared as trust/relationship matures.
Skip to present, I found myself isolated and controlled. We get a substantial amount of benifits per year with two children having DLA, both of these kids are now in full time education and manage well. I'm unemplyeed, career prospects are snuffed, I'm registerd as a full time carer. All i get is carers allowance, right now I found myself with 10k of credit card debt, majority all signed up by myself, most the time I have to use it to buy food for myself. (fussy with food, usually frozen chips/pizza) If I go out without permisson I'm locked out of the house. When all the details of benifits are in her name, what can I do?
If I do not do what I am told she refuses to pay my bills out of the family money, I have one defaulted account because of this, and being constantly being pushed to go bankrupt. Had to get a loan from a friend to pay for a car, as mine was off road for several years as I was not allowed the money for the MOT, mine ended up being scrapped. I cant belive I've let it get to this stage, but 100% focus on 24/7 care for my I child, only reflected on situation when they all now school full time.
I am currently being diagnosed with aspergers and she is taking the opurtunity to 'prove' to the medical team that I am incompetant as a father and fiancially.
I have met with the GP for some help, but little advice given, I have registed to prevent anyone doing credit searches without a password or something to that effect.
I have been controlled through promises and marrage. But her spending is getting out of control, I am due an inheritance of possible £50k+
With all the recent new of ransomware I've been backing up her laptop, found saved conversations of her saying how she would divorce if she could but needs me too look after the kids.
Where/how do I begin to regain some control?
Hi There,
.
It sounds as though your are in a bit of a mess, if you want to stay with her, then you are both going to have to make some changes, you could possibly benifit from counselling, and see they the counsellor would be able to help you both come up with ways to make your relationship better.
.
GTTS
Depending on what outcome you want from the situation, you might want to seek some advice from the CAB regarding your legal position with all of this.
Counselling might help if you want to stay together.
I really would get some advice from the CAB though.
http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/
these people might be able to help as well
shes sounds like a typical narc (Narcisstic Personality Disorder)
I managed to get away from mine after 12 years of marriage, much similar situation but i was financially abused and left penniless and in debt when i left
i am still in debt now due to her and her family but definitely much healthier and moving on with my life having got married again.
Its very hard but you need to make some tough decisions, will your situation change if it hasnt over the last 10 years?
I stayed for so long because of my children too but in the end i was only making myself worse
If you need anyone to talk to just message as i know exaclty what your going through
coercive and controlling behaviour is abuse and a criminal offence
here is some helpful information on the situation you are in
http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/a_to_c/controlling_or_coercive_behaviour/
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