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I split up with my ex nearly a year ago, and have shared childcare for our 2 year old daughter roughly 50/50 with her since. For a variety of reasons I won't go into, I have agreed to go down to a 75/25 deal in her favour
My partner earns more than I do, and I currently pay £677 a month towards her private nursery. I checked the child maintenance calculator and it says I need to pay roughly £666 a month on the basis of my annual income. But my ex demands that I pay the £666 on top of my current nursery contributions. If I were to do that, I wouldn't be able to make the rent any more. She is using it as a bargaining chip to get me to stay at 50:50 with the option of dumping our daughter on me at short notice every time she has work or a date or whatever. Yes, it's s very unusual situation.
She has gone and done this when I am currently alone on holiday with our daughter, and I am currently so stressed out I can hardly sleep.
From what I have read, she has no legal basis to demand that I pay for the childcare AND for her maintenance. If she gets her demands met, she will take home nearly as much as the PM does! Am I right to think that?
In either case, her bullying has got me to the point that I think I'd feel safer getting this done through a lawyer. Are there any lawyers any of you might recommend in South East London, please?
Thanks!!
Hi
In terms of "child" maintenance, most people take one of two options: 1. Family based agreement (informal agreement between themselves), 2. One or the other parent applies to the CMS in which case it (the CMS) can make a statutory declaration of the amount of CM that is to be paid by one parent to another.
With a family based agreement, there are no rules and the "correct amount" is whatever works for the "family".
If going via CMS, this is an amount that is supposed to represent one parents financial liability to raising a child, meaning school fees, etc, are "optional extras" - you are not obliged to pay for these in addition to CM via CMS.
It is always advisable to obtain professional legal help in relation to finances - if only for the reason that you can share all details of your case with that person, and you have a degree of "insurance" if any advice were to prove incorrect. Neither of those two things are possible with anonymous on-line advice.
hope helps
Hi there
If it were me I would open a case with the CMS myself and get the amount set in a statutory agreement, either parent can open a case with the CMS. Once that's done you are only liable to pay the calculated amount, any extras are purely discretionary.
It sounds to me that you are being blackmailed with the amount of contact you get with your child, which is so wrong! Contact and maintenance are two entirely separate issues and one is not dependent on the other,although the number of overnights you have your child will have a bearing on the amount of child support you pay.
By the sound of it, you are a convenient babysitter, available without notice, as this suits her....she may be calling your bluff when it comes down to it perhaps.
I think you should initiate mediation immediately to discuss the finances and contact and try and get some resolution. If she continues to tie in contact with the money she gets from you, I would advise that you ask the mediator to sign off the application form for a Child Arrangements Order.
There are many Dads here that successfully self represent through the family court, or do some work themselves and get a direct access barrister for the final hearing. There's also the option of using a McKenzie Friend , it as they are a largely unregulated body it's better to,get some reliable recommendations to find a good one, we can help with this should you decide on this course of action.
I think it's just as important for you to stand your ground with your ex, otherwise you risk being under her "control" for the foressseable future.
All the best
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