Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hello
I will jump straight in with some info and keep hopefully some helpful info from you guys.
Currently divorcing after 12yr marriage, we have 3 girls (9), (5),(5)..wife is cohabiting in our family home with new partner for last 16 months, I moved 2 years ago next September into a rented 2 bedroom flat in the same town. I have always had a close bond with my girls been a dad who cared from my children around my wife’s work and her around mine.
I had my girls at my home every other weekend and done school runs and pick ups for tea at mine midweek around my shift pattern. I have the girls in the holidays for a couple of weeks along with a week during school term while mum went to Vegas with her Partner, I help out around my wife’s work during holidays with looking after the girls. I have always paid Maintenance correctly and always funded school activities etc with my ex. It was all ok.
Mediation started but failed due to her not being truthful when her partner moved in and House valuations were done a 2nd time while I wasn’t present, incomes into the property were not disclosed etc (you get my drift I hope)
After I halted mediation to seek legal advice as it was all new to me, I wrote a letter to my ex stating some facts and info for us moving forward, she took that as sign that her proposals in mediation were not going to be met.
The situation is now that I see my girls every other weekend as usual but she has limited me to dropping them off at school only one day a week and Iam only allowed to have them for tea 1 night a week, she puts them into after school club for an hour untill she gets home from work but I am free and available to have them from school 5 days a week, you may say that this is acceptable and I would agree but I believe she is doing this to aid her case in the process of the financial order Form E that we are due in court soon and also she was trying to trigger me into starting a legal fight for more contact as she knows the girls and I are very close.
I can only afford to fight one battle at a time and as my contact was still there but limited we got started on the divorce and financial order, we have our first appointment in February.
The Form is is quite daunting but I am struggling to find any helpful info into aiding my position as a father who want to be apart of my girls live and give them the same opportunities that their mum will be able too, the boxes for previous family life, future family life, future financial outlays etc....I just don’t know what to put, seems to be a lot of help on the net for mums having arguments against bringing up there kids against dads needs but my 3 girls sleep in a triple bunk bed we have no garden and it’s a small flat, I do my very best but mum is in a big 4 bed detached with new partner and my flat is like us all living in one room when I have my girls over, summer is fine we go out and do loads but the winter is hideous staying in.
As it stands house price roughly £310,000, morgage £155,000
Our income salary is around £10000 difference in my favour I pay £500 a month in CM and I pay a joint loan off. My wife’s pension is big £120000 mine is £60000, she has income I should imagine from her partner and his salary is £40000+
She offered me £35000 during mediation for a clean break that is with money taken off her parents put into our first home to get us started.
Just do not know what will happen or how to put my case forward with the financial order without involving the specifics of the children as Ian told that’s a seperate fight.
Any helpful nuggets of info, good experiences from other dads or just your views and thoughts will help me get through this nightmare.
Kind regards
Martin
hi and thanks for sharing
I can offer no help in the divorce arena im afraid as i never took the plunge into the whole marriage thing
You say you seeked legal advice about the mediation and then wrote her aletter....did she go and you didnt to mediation?
We both attended mediation but it was not a honest or transparent picture my wife was giving the mediators so unfortunately it failed.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.