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Hi
I'm in the process of getting divorced and I live separate to my children. My son is 6 and my step-daughter is 16. I am currently paying Β£700 a month for the mortgage of the house that they are living in and also Β£455 a month through the CMS as she decided that she wished to go through them. Β£455 is the maximum amount I have to pay (as if I had no contact with my son) but I have him regularly, about 2 days a week. I know I can get this reduced but I am happy to keep it at this amount to help with the cost of their upkeep etc.
Now I have explained the situation I am in, my question relates to their mother demanding more money from me for childcare etc. I thought that my CMS payments were for these things and as I pay a huge amount for the mortgage, I feel that I am contributing enough. Am I being selfish or is she being unreasonable and expecting me to pay for her lifestyle that she used to have before we separated? We were only married for 2 years before we seperated.
Just looking for some support from other Dads who are in similar or have been in similar situations as I don't know if I am doing the right thing as I want to be a good father and provide for my kids, but I also have to support them when they come and stay with me.
Thanks
Hi There,
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The CMS calculation that you pay, is all that legally you have to pay, your childs needs should be taken care of from this, so clothes food, roof over head, and child care, if you decide you want to pay extra there is nothing stopping you, but as you already pay Β£700 a month on the mortgage then from my view you are paying enough, so I'd stand firm and not pay any more.
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I would be ready though and look into mediation and then court so you know what you need to do, if she pulls the "no contact" card as you have refused to pay any more, she may not and may just back down, but it's good to be ready with the knowledge of what you need to do, just in case.
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GTTS
Thanks for your reply
I currently have a solicitor for my divorce and he has given me some advice regarding mediation. I have a feeling she may play the "not seeing the kids" card as she has done this before. It appears as a man you are the bottom of the barrel when it comes to rights. Just wanted to get some opinions regarding this as I feel a bit lost with it all as I feel she is using guilt to make me feel bad and control the situation.
Hi,
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We are here for support, throughout, I think saying you as a man are at the bottom of the barel for rights, though may have been the case some time ago, the tides are slowly changing, I would say in a way resident parent (of either [censored]) hold the cards where contact is involved as they can stop it at a mins notice and then the non resident parent has to jump through hoops (mediation and court) to try and get it resumed again, but you do have rights and the courts are now working as well as they can to enforce them.
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GTTS
Yeah sorry that is what I meant, just a little wound up with it all!!
Hi,
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No need to be sorry we all get wound up, and this is a safe and great place to let off steam π
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GTTS
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