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Jeez, when it rains it pours. Not only do I have to deal with splitting with my current partner and all the nonsense surrounding custody of our twin boys, now it looks like my eldest (with a different Mother) is set to come and live with me. He's constantly warring with his Mum (who to be fair is a bad-tempered, perfectionist, control freak - that's why I left her in the first place) and now it sounds like it's turning physical. She's pushing him, he's pushing back. She's lost control and is losing her temper about it, constantly. He's no better and I've told him in no uncertain terms I will not tolerate him hurting his Mother, no matter what he thinks is due provocation... I have an almost daily struggle trying not to say what I think about her to him because I don't believe it will help him, or my relationship with her which I believe I need to maintain for his sake....
But she's making him miserable. I know he's hard work but all she can say is 'He needs to do what he's told. It's simple.' As i recall, dealing with teenagers ain't so black and white! Meh.
Anyway, please forgive the rant, the point is he wants to move in with me now and I think it's probably a good idea. He needs a bit of head space just to be allowed to be a teenager and constant fighting is not what a boy studying for his GCSEs needs... But I never got Parental Responsibility for him. To start with his Mum refused, point blank and moving forward it just didn't seem worth the upset and hostility that would have ensued if I'd gone down the legal route...
So where do I stand with Child Benefit, Tax Credits etc if I don't have PR? And what happens if, worse, she refuses to let him go?
....as I said in your other post, he can choose where he wants to live, how you mange this with his mothers hostility will need careful management though. She could refuse to allow him to take his belongings and he could end up on your doorstep with only what he stands up in....I hope I'm wrong!
Good luck with it.
As Nannyjane wisely (as always) says, your son is an adult now, and can choose to live where he chooses, his mother cannot prevent him from living with you.
I think there would be issues over child benefit, tax credits &c though, as in the eyes of the law you might be seen as just another adult that he has chosen to reside with, rather than his father. I'm no legal expert but I think you would have to go through the hoop of obtaining PR for your son, otherwise I don't think DWP will give you any money. I suspect there is someone with the knowledge of how you do this on these pages who will be happy to advise.
I think you are doing the right thing by your son; even if he turns up on your doorstep with just what he is wearing still embrace him as if he has been with you since the day he was born.
Best wishes,
AO
....I have known of family members such as grandparents and Aunts receiving child benefit for children that they don't have PR for. Are you named on the birth certificate Deveraux?
It might be an idea to give DWP a call then Deveraux, they must have seen thousands of similar cases. As I suspected, Nannyjane has a great deal more knowledge of this than do I, and is keen to help.
Best wishes,
AO
I've had a scout around for info on this and it is as I thought, you do not have to have PR to claim child benefit, an adult that has primary care of a child can claim it. Here's a link that confirms it
https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/claiming-child-benefit
Brilliant! Thank you for the input folks. And yes NannyJane I am on the birth certificate 🙂
As an update (for those who are interested) today all three of us went to CAMHS to, in Alison's words 'get help' for Kyle. She thinks he's mental, I think she puts unreasonable demands and restrictions upon him that drive him mad and *she* is the mental on. The diagnosis was that my son is a normal, polite and well-adjusted teenager... The Doctor also politely suggested that it might be better if he lived with me for a while and Alison agreed! Yay.
Afterwards I mentioned that I would have to claim benefits for him, wow did she shrink from that! To be fair she did offer to pay me the child benefit while he was with me but I explained it was more than that - Child Tax Credits and I might even be eligible for some Housing Benefit... She wriggled and wriggled, offering to keep paying him the £68 per week she's been paying him to help her at work in the morning's and after school (she's a child minder)... She also only wanted to send him to me with two changes of clothes as it would teach him a lesson about doing his washing or something and also mean he was more likely to dislike living with me and want to move back with her... ;;)
Gosh Deveraux, that seems like quite a success.
As you are on the birth certificate I cannot imagine there will be any problem with DWP when it comes to claiming benefits. It is up to your son where he lives now, I'm guessing you would just need something (perhaps a ' to whom it may concern' letter from him) to show he is not just staying overnight. I think it would be a good idea to get the CB changed over straight away; I can only see problems between you and his mother if she has to pay you money every week.
I think you should be really pleased with yourself, you have a chance to forge a really good relationship with your boy so grasp it with both hands.
Best wishes,
AO
That's a load of your mind I'm sure!
As NJ predicted, transferral of his belongings might be a stumbling block...she's already started on that with wanting to withhold his clothes! ....it's a very common control mechanism I'm afraid.
You would also be entitled to claim maintenance from her, once you are in receipt of the child benefit.
At least you can now give your attention to sorting out the situation regarding your twins.
Good luck with everything and we're here if you need any further advice, or just a good old rant!
May be a silly question, but does he still have a key to her house, and does he know when she's not there? If so, what's to stop him from going to collect his stuff. If you go with him, don't go into her house as you have no right to be there, but your son does and as long as he only takes what is his, there isn't a great deal she can do. Failing which, it might be worth having a word with the police and seeing if they can attend with him to pick up his belongings.
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