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hi folks
i am a single 32 year old father of one 8 years old girl[ live's with mum ].over a year ago i had to go to a solicitor to start court proceedings to get to see my wee girl [zoe] regularly.the mother and i were together for just over 2 years[after zoe was born].after that i went round the bend.i became a alco,plus started taking drug's.the separation wrecked me.i also lost my mother 4 years ago and my father left with another woman just before she died and my family just split and i had no one now only zoe.for years i didn't see my wee girl regularly cause wot i was doing to myself.i am now off the drink 5 years and clean off all drugs[even weed ] over a year.my head was wrecked but i knew i had to pull myself together and become a father.i went to a solicitor and started the ball rolling[personally this ball isnt very round].i now been to court 3 time's done a hair folical drug test that came back clean .but my hours is still 2 on a wed eve and 3 on a sat morn.at the minute i am in the process of changing my solicitor as i feel she has no faith in me.my daughter loves spending time with me as do i.she is the best thing i ever done and yes i should have pulled my head outa my [censored] sooner,[im from n.ireland and was just wondering if anyone in england or anywere thing that the courts are always on the mums side.the last day i was in court they had changed the main judge and all her solicitor done was come out with the same speal a stuff that she did the first day in court.the judge didnt seem to be to bothered about zoe's welfare.
Hi there and welcome to the Forum Kevin!
Anyone that can turn their life around as you have done gets nothing but respect from me! I think that losing your daughter and then your mum must have been unbearable, and its little wonder that you were sucked into this downward spiral...Thank goodness you found the strength to pull yourself together and your reward is having your little girl back.
I can understand your frustration at not seeing Zoe as much as you would like, but I feel sure that if you keep working at it, you will get there in the end. You have shown your strength now you must show your patience too... the wheels of justice grind awful slow! But you will get there, I feel sure of that.
Next time at court talk about how much yours and Zoes relationship has grown and how grateful you are to be given the chance to be the Dad you should be, and the Dad that she deserves you to be. Ask for the saturday contact to be increased so that you can take Zoe on outings, that will only have a positive effect on her, and improve her quality of life...all children love going on days out! Ask the court to set out a timetable of increasing contact for you and a time frame of how long it should take to reach optimum contact... and talk about what that optimum contact might be, the ideal contact that you would like to have eventually.
Best of luck with everything.
Hi and Thank you nanny jane
i am just back from my 2 hours contact and on a HI [as usual].i help zoe with her homework,then we play shops[she' learning maths while having fun].i love doing this with her cause i know how much important and how much they learn at these age's.on another note i was with my key worker [rehab and recovery programme] and we were talking about my daughter and the whole subject and they [she] have finally agreed [after month of me pestering them] to drug test me every month,so i have solid proof when im back at court.also i said i got a tip to write to the judge [THANK YOU] about the way zoe and me are so close.my key worker has offered to help me with this letter.thats a wile weight of my shoulder's.anyways thank you once again Jane and i will keep you informed in any news.
PS: To all who read this,i have been so happier since i joined.i am not as lonely and a lot more positive.THANKS
....Thats great Kevin, make sure you let the court know that you have insisted on monthly tests just to show how seriously you take your parental responsibilities. Its good that your key worker wants to support you, she can obviously see just how much it means to you.
I'm so glad that this site has helped you feel more positive and connected....a problem shared is a problem halved!
Hi Kevin
How's it going? Did you see your little girl yesterday and have you changed your solicitor yet?
I do hope you're still feeling upbeat about everything....I'd love to hear how you're getting on and what you and your daughter have been doing together!
Take care and best wishes.
hi nannyjane
i didnt get to see zoe on sat past cause she was at a wedding,but its changed to Monday. when it comes to things like[changing days about] that the mother is fine [if i want to change a day or her].its at the 3 month stage now,and have to wait on another 3 months,i'm back at court on the 23rd jan,on the matter of changing solicitor im going to call my present one tomorrow to see if she has applied for the next drug test, if so i'm going to wait until iv that done,i know the results will be all clear .so don't wanna change if she has arranged that. il know better tomorrow and i will message you.
thanks for being there
kevin.x
...Its a slow old road isn't it Kevin....but you will reach the end of it and things will get better, you'll see. Thanks for letting us know how you are... Keep in touch!
Its Halloween a week on wednesday, so dont forget to take her some scary treats!! π
HI
To all who reads this and to nannyjane who has gave so me so much helpful advice since i joined.first off i wana say sorry for taking so long to reply to you nannyjane,been up to my eyeballs trying to get the money for a drug test.as my last message i was saying about the solicator i had at the start of the court proceedings,had to get rid of her as she wasnt really that intrested in me or my access[just wanted to get payed],see thats the thing that rerally does my head in,they are meant to be repersenting a father to help him get whats rightfully his,anyways.have a new solicator now and feel that she has got faith in me.zoe's[daughter] mum wants me to do another drug test [hair test].after my last day in court the judge said he wanted to see six months of me being drug free.i havnt touched anything in near 2 years now and have no want for anything.
i was left under the illusation that my 1st sol was sorting out the hair drug test [when really there was nothing being sorted].after a lot of phonecalls and pestering ppl.i have a new one and she is good,but the drug test wasnt in any system π‘ .long story short,i have saved up the Β£400 myself for the test and my new sol is sorting it out today,i was also talking to the manger of the company NIVHA,and he said that he has seen and done these test to the same person up to 3 timesgrrr.so i said id do my best and go private.so come the new year i will be doing a test that checks all drugs from weed to opiates .so come the end of january [6 months from last court date] i will get zoes mum back to court and start giving her a taste off her medicine[soz for da pun lol].
i will be back online when i have more info.
TO FATHERS THAT NEED HELP:
KEEP FIGHTING IF YOU WANA BE A DAD IF NOT THEN DONT WASTE TIME IN THE COURTS [NOT WANTING TO SOUND CHEEKY]
so on that note im happy knowing that in the NEW year i will be proving a [censored] of alot of ppl wrong and i cant wait lol.
nannyjane i want to wish you a very happy christmas and a wonderful new year,thanks for advice
.and to anyone who reads this MERRY XMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR.
chat soon pPL
KEVIN
Hi Kevin π
Its really good to hear from you and to learn that things are moving forward for you! You sound really optimistic for the future and I couldn't be happier for you. I have every faith that you will succeed and will be the fantastic Dad that your little girl deserves.
I wish for you everything you wish for yourself and more, have a great christmas and keep us posted! π
All the best Kevin xxx
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