Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi, I coach my 9 year old's football team. There is a head coach and 2 assisting, one of which is me. I'm the only one of the 3 with any previous experience in the game.
My son loves the game and everything about it. He just wants to play as much as possible and we as parents are happy that he has found something he is so keen on doing. He has a very good understanding of the game and is technically very good although his co-ordination and lack of speed hold him back a bit.
Up until recently, he has been playing every game apart from the 'rest weeks' (we have 13 kids for 10 spots on matchdays) and been doing ok. I honestly just want him to enjoy the game above all else, not to get too bothered if they lose etc.
Now for the issue - the head coach at the beginning seemed like a good fella, was happy the kids were getting to play football and rotated the kids so everyone got playing. Gradually his approach has changed to 'we must win' attitude and simply play the 'best' players with the other lads getting some minutes now and again. He also is very negative and vocal at training and during matches, shouting when they make a mistake etc. I kept quiet mostly until a couple of weeks ago until I had to speak to him about it. I said the kids are here to enjoy the game they love, every child deserves a chance to play, it's not all about winning at this age and it doesn't help them seeing and hearing you angry all the time. Needless to say he didn't like what he was hearing, somebody had to say it though!
I had a long think about it afterwards and instead of walking away from the team, I stayed on coaching mainly as I didn't want my son to suffer and leave all the kids without a positive coach. I have to say the other assistant (3rd coach of the 3) just keeps out of things and doesn't say much which is fine. Now though my son has went from playing almost every week to being left out altogether the past couple of games. I can only feel the head coach is punishing him because I spoke up and told him what needed to be said.
To be clear, my son isn't the best player in the team but he's definitely in the top 10 which going by the head coaches plans, will be playing from now on.
I know what I'd like to do but it wouldn't help anyone especially my son!
Any ideas on how to deal with a horrible coach like this?
That must be very hard for your son who probably doesn't understand why he's playing less often. Perhaps the three of you can have a chat to discuss this and find a way forward. Keep it amicable and use the time to talk about other issues too. The other possibility is to find another club! I wonder how the head coach was appointed if he doesn't have previous experience. Its great that you support your son with his interests and I'm sure he values the time you spend together.
@dadmod3 The head coach was the first parent to volunteer as at the time no one else stepped forward so fair play to him for that at least. The other coach and myself started helping shortly afterwards.
I have thought about another team and it will have to be an option.
The head coach is extremely stubborn and thinks his way is the only way. He has fallen out with quite a few other coaches at the club for various reasons too. I just hope I can hold my tongue!
The only reason I'm there is for the kids, I love that it includes spending precious time with my son. To be honest I'd be happy with what ever activities he wants to do and will accommodate as much as I can. Football seems to be his passion though!
@sam-crow Hi Sam, I have been involved in a sports club and encountered issues relating to performance vs participation. I love your approach, as I also believe that it is about having fun first and foremost and that is whether it is youth level or as they get older.
Within your club there should be a few people you can refer this too if you feel that the informal chat with the head coach hasn't worked. Whilst it is not the ideal scenario, the club should have a constitution in place, and even a selection policy. The Club Welfare officer may also be interested as the behaviour isn't sounding like it would be in-keeping with an approach to fairness that would be expected of a club official. If he has previous issues with other coaches then it may just be the final straw. The club will also want to protect their reputation.
Be careful though, as what may happen is for the Head Coach to be removed from post or leave of their own decision and that will mean the team needs a coach. You will be the first person they may look to and this may then create a new dynamic between you, your son and the rest of the team (players and their parents). I think its great that you have still stuck around though as it will be difficult and you will be frustrated, but it comes across like you have a passion for helping these boys get opportunities to enjoy playing football and being part of a team.
I hope that a resolution is found, as changing team is an idea, but if your son has also built up friendships it would be a shame to put a barrier to these.
Good luck! Keep strong!
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.