[Solved] social services ripped family apart. help please!

Things are not getting better. There getting worse. Ive been promised contact on three occasions and then let down when the time has come. Now burnley social has taken over because thats where she moved. So apparently the while process will start all over again. I was supposed to have a social worker at mine at 10 o clock the other day they rang me at half 9 to say they wernt coming because burnley social will take over.. so its not been confirmed when but she said there will be another conference in burnley anf the process will start again. So im guessing im back to square one not having seen my daughter for 7 weeks. I dont deserve this at all. Tge last thing my partner or ex partner said to me was she loved me and wabts us to be a family but told me not to tell anyone and she has been telling the social the opposite. I think her sister or the social has got her to get this non molestation order because she was making an appoinyment for the solicitor a few week ago at the same time as saying she loved me and wanted to be a family. The social are horrible, they are trying there best to do everything they can to stop me seeing my daughter and stop me ever havingaby kind of relationship with my partner. We were a happy family befire they git involved and just used my past against me. I cant cope anymore i cry every day and somehow i mabage to still work etc . I do everything i can. I even cry in work dream about them constabtly on my mind 24/7 its driving me crazy. I dont no what to do anymore ecery day is as painful as the next and its not getting any better at all. I just wish i could go sleep ubtil i can see them both but i cant even do that

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling badly....I know how hard it is for you right now but you must try and stay strong for your little ones sake.

Have you contact The Family Rights Group? They're very experienced with helping families that are involved with childrens services and may be able to advise you further.

www.frg.org.uk

In the meantime try and get some help from your GP. Do you have a close friend or family member that you can talk to? keeping busy is important and if you are having trouble sleeping a good hard work out could help with that.

It's early days and things like this have a habit of moving slowly, just keep trying and when you get in touch with social services make sure you remain calm and reasonable and don't show any anger as this will go against you, ask what you can do to help improve the situation and keep the best interests of your daughter central to everything. You dont pose a risk to your child, your past shouldn't be held against you as long as you can show that you've changed and can be responsible.

Best of luck 🙂

I had my first supervised contact session that was for 1 hour i had to travel 40 miles for. Because social services in a different area are taking over the case since shes moved, they are unable to tell me when the next session will be. I just dont want my daughter seeing me then not seeing me for weeks again its not fair on either of us. I dont know what im supposed to do to get my family back the day before she moved my partner wanted to marry me iv not been allowed to speak to her since. Shes not even been allowed contact with any of my family. How can i change this. Im doimg everything i can to show im a good dad and i think they know that. What they dont know is how much i want us to be a proper family again waking up next to my daughter every day. I presume deep down thats what my partner wants too i havent heard otherwise except from social services. We had a hoir phonecall the week after social got involved and she saif she loved me wants us to be a family but not to tell anyone. I presume shes scared of the consequences. What can i do to give us the chance and how long is it looking like? Im confused around the whole process to be honest. Thankyou x

Hi There,
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This is very difficult as there are 2 stories here, the one that you have heard and the one that social services have, the side of things where she says she wants to be with you she is telling you, but you have no way of knowing what she is saying too social services.
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My advice is to concentrate on your daughter and not her mum, I know this isn't what you want to happen, but while you are still in the mind set of you all being a family together again, you may end up making things worse for yourself. I know you are really going through it at the moment, and when you are feeling low it's easy to do something you may regret which could easily turn things into a further nightmare for you. I mean trying to contact you childs mum, on the phone or by txt, or even turning up (if you know where they are living).
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Your childs mum must be saying something to Social services for them to be telling you that she doesn't want you in her life. I know this is really hard to hear and again it is just my point of view, but concentrate on when your daughter, you never know further down the line when you are being a dad with lots of contact again things between you and you childs mum may change again into a relationship, but I feel that has to be a lot further down the line.
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GTTS

When will i have lots of contact again though. I have done everything i can, everything theyve asked except iv messaged her. Iv had 1 hour contact and its took 8 weeks. Iv not been in work this week because i went to go in on monday and on my way the social rang and said i wouldnt be seeing my daughter this week so i just went home and havnt had the courage to ring in or go in since as i dont think theyll be understandable and i dont want to tell them anything anyway im not in the right frame of mind for work i dont know how ive hacked it out this long already.

I do feel a little bit better after seeing her, i thought at 4 months old not seeing me for nearly 2 months she would have forgot me but she knew straight away. Its not fair on her me coming back in her life after 8 werks then going again after an hour. Apparently after them telling me the other week she wont be comung to do the risk assessment as the sicial from another area is dealing with it now she told me yesterday she will be doing the risk assessment next week. On the care plan it says no unsupervised contact until risk assessment completed. So does this mean this is my chance to prove i can cope with my daughter unsupervised? I have shown them i care about my daughter and i think they know i am a good dad the contact session couldnt have been any better but you never know whats gets said in the report when it was just one social worker there however i seem to get on with the social worker who is dealing with it. Can you tell me what i need to do or make sure of in the risk assessment. What do i need to prove. Do i set out her bed, toys, clothes etc how theywould be as if she was to stay ? I havnt veen given any advice whatsoever just that a risk assessment is being done. And what happens from then, what is the best sort of contact could i be expecting for a 4 month old baby who is 40 miles away? Would it be best to move closer? How long will it take for more contact? Even though i only just seen her yesterday i still woke up crying.. last night crying.. every day crying.. i know il never be in the right mindset until im seeing her regularly i miss her so much i miss sitting in bed watchimg tele with her waking up to her crys coming hone from work to her smiles i cant take any more of this but i am and i will because no matter how much im kicked down i always get back up every day is just a nightmare though the worst time of my life!

Hi There,
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It's going to take time to get to have regular contact again, there is no point in me saying otherwise, with SS involved things could well move slowly, so be patient, I understand that this isn't easy on you and you are really going through it at the moment.
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First thing on Monday I would return to work and speak with your boss explain what has been hapening and how you are feeeling, They will hopefully understand and be sympathetic, You will find it hard to talk about what is happening, but trust me even talking with your boss will help you, explain that you know you have let them down and how low you are feeling at the moment.
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It wouldn't hurt to lay out bed and things for when SS come and visit, show you are prepped for your daughter even if over night stays are a way off, this will show you are thinking long term and not just for here and now, ensure you explain that you aren't expecting your duaghter to come and stay right away but that you are ready for when that happens.
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Make sure your hime is clean and tidy, simply things like making sure washing up is done and dried and away floors vacuumed ect will go a long way to showing you are in control, even if you aren't feeling it.
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GTTS

Hi, i have still had no visit regarding the risk assessment, as they have used the excuse twice that burnley sovial services will be taking over soon. They have however told me the conference on tuesday will decide whether my daughter will stay on the child protection plan or whether it will be lowered to a childin need plan. My ss said she will say she thinks it should be a child in need plan now as i do not know where my partner lives. I have had two sessions of the better relationships course several meetings with probation and never missed an appointment with ss. My probation worker has been to most appointments too and says i am doing very well and cant understand why the ss have made it so hard for me as she has seen people far worse get it so much easier. It annoys me because we was a happy family and that might never be again depending on what my partner has been thinking/doing the past 2 months and her intentions in the months going forward until ss are gone. However i have used the ss in a positive way as i was a offender of the same types of stuff in the past even though i havent been done for anything for two years and changed my lifestyle as soon as my partner was pregnant with baby as i quit smoking weed and playing poker instantaneously and havent done either for a year now. The only positive social have brought on is that i have ebgaged in all the courses which has made me realise where i went wrong in the past even though now my heads clear from weed i realise what an idiot i was and how badly weed affected me. The negatives of ruining my family potentially forever and missing out on 2 months already half of my childs life completely outweighs this. Im not sure what effect it has had on my mental health as i v literally cried every mornig and night for 8/9 weeks on top of some strange nightmares etc, however i am quite proud of myself for coping as well as i have, iv struggled to maintain my full time job , i could have easily turned back to weed to drown my problems out but i havent even been tempted and i have done everything i can and more to sort this out.

Tuesday at the conference, i am wondering how much they take the views of the ss, because im really happy she has said she thinks it should be down to a child in need, but id be quite gutted if this didnt happen. On a posirive i get to see my daughter for the second time in 9 weeks on the same day, and the new ss in the other area have told me i will be getting regular contact once a week for 6 weeks and go from ther, so at least il know where i stand. I am wondering what i should be saying and concentrating on in the conference i was thinking maybe plan a speach going through everything i have done since the SS becane involved from the courses, probation, visiting the doctors asking supporting minds for CBT to help make sure my past offending never reaapears even though they said i dont need it, decorating house and making it as safe as possible for my daughter, accepting a referral from the drugs services even though i havent touched a drug in a year, kept my word with ss that i will fully engage with them, gave my partner money, saving money for my daughter, passing clothes, and saving money for a deposit on a mortgage. Things have seemed to have taken so long and been dragged out, but if she goes onto a CIN on tuesday and i get this regular contact, that has to be a step in the right direction to me getting my family back. Thanjs for your help guys much appreciated.

I'm sorry things are so painstakingly slow....but really pleased that you've managed to get weed and gambling under control and feel better for it.

Will your probation officer be at the conference? It would be hoped that their input will be considered.

At these conferences all of the views will be reviewed and discussed, it's good that you are able to attend as you can then speak for yourself....if that's the case make sure you keep a tight rein on your emotions as far as impatience with the system, a little bit of heartfelt emotion in expressing the love you have for your child wouldn't be misplaced though. If you are there it would probably be better to steer clear of talking about rekindling your relationship as this may be a sticking point for them.

It would be a good idea to have something written down that you can refer to, everything you've mentioned would be good. Your focus is on getting some contact in place right now and the fact that the Social Worker has said that you'll be getting regular contact soon is something to aim for.

All the best and please come back and let us know how the conference went.

Went to the conference today. The probation worker who said she was proud of me wasnt able to make it, the social worker who told me the other day she was reccomending it go down to a child in need did not reccoment this. Instead, i was having contact with my daughter prior to the conference and after half an hour, baby was taken from me, it was supposed to be an hour contact session. I then went into the conference, which lasted no longer than 10 minutes. I felt my views when in one ear and out the other. I kept my emotions to myself when the new social worker announced i would no longer be having supervised contact based on two reasons. One, i made a fake facebook account to tell my partner i loved and missed them both. And 2 because i had a 5 minute chat which was regarded as part of the risk assessmebt about my past convictions, which ended most recently was almost 2 years ago i was done for dangerous driving and apparantly i under exagerated what happened in comparison with the police reports. So all contact has been cut. I feel complete and utterly let down by the whole system not just because of the end result of the conference, but the lies my social worker told to me she was reccomending a child in need, the lack of information and reasoning for not letting me have any even supervised contact. I was told i might be a risk to the person that supervises it or eva. Im not being funny but iv had two supervised contact sessions, both went great. Iv handled all the ups and downs that have been thrown at me mainly downs such as promising me contact and then not giving me it when it comes to the date iv been given on three occasions. I had a comment from the chair something about iv made threats, i said where has that come from its rudiculous i swear on my babys life i have made no threats towards anyone since the whole ss got involved all i have done wrong is message ny partner telling her im proud of her i love and miss them both i hold my hands up i shouldnt have but is that enough to stop me having supervised contact, surely not. I know someone whi takes drugs batters his gf and mum cuts himself in his neck his face arms body and he sees his kid every week and has never had more than a week without seeing his kid except for him not tur ing up. He doesnt work or provide for his kid and he has said he wouldntno what to do with her if he ever had unsupervised contact. Theres police at his door everyother week because hes kicked off ir cut himself up. Yet i work full time dont take drugs never miss a meeting or appointment, have never messed up except message my partner, been doing everything they tell me to better relationships course, meeting with probation etc, going beyond whats expected of me set up bank account for daughter put money in it every week every contact session or meeting with social iv gone with bags of clothes nilk nappies etc to be passed over. I have a so far 30 page diary of what ive been doing every day. Iv got to laugh because ni way in this world am i being treated fairly. And no way in this world am i going ti sit back and let them take my little girl away from me. I already kniw there next step which will be to try and make out my partber is a bad mum so then they can take her . Im going to write to the councillor, the local newspaper, file a complaint with social services, and appeal the conference. Any advice with this would be greatly appreciated. Theres no wonder some people end their lives because there involved with social services, or turn to drugs etc i cant blame them. Being strong for my little girl is more important to me than the pain im going throughon a daily basis and now even more so. One thing they will never break me down, and another they will never stop me being her dad, il always be on the birth certificate. Advice please, and also if anyone will email me jkelshaw9@hotmail.co.uk we could possibly swap contact details, looks like i have a second job as of today and thats to get my daughter back!

It does sound very unfair, to say the least. Two bits of advice I'd give - firstly, don't write to the media - if you are going to end up in a family court (which hopefully you will), then the judges don't like family matters being dicussed in public, so it will go against you. Secondly, doon't make the mother look bad, again the courts aren't interested in battles between you and the mother - they are looking for you to be solely focussed on the welfare of your daughter and anything else will lose sympathy for you as far as the court is concerned. Assume anything you do is going to go before the court, and consider how it would look to them - you have to be pure white in your dealings from now on and let your ex dig her own holes to fall in to.

Its not my ex stopping me, its the social services. I have no problem with her whatsoever. They seem to think im a danger to them both its ridiculous we was a happy family before they got involved. All the reports are wrong like they say we split up due to an incident. No we split up because they said we have to.

And let my ex dig her own holes to fall into? What sort of advice is that its absolutely ridiculous. Why would i want my childs mum to fall into any holes?? Thats the last thing i want. At least if i cant see her i kniw shes with her mum who i know is a good mum. Shes told them i sent her messages but thats just the way she is and i wouldnt have it aby other way.