[Solved] Seeing / speaking to my daughter on her birthday

Hi Lee and welcome along.

Is there any order or injunction that says you mustn't make contact with the mother or the children?

Hi

Thanks. No there is no order or injunction however she has text a while ago saying see you in court.

I did have regular contact with my 2 children every fortnight but I recently moved house and I am now paying less CSA as I have brought a house with my girlfriend and I am helping to support her 2 children.

Once my ex received a letter about the CSA she just refused me access and it got quite nasty messages etc and since then I have not contacted my children.

My girlfriend who I live with went through a similar thing with her ex & it ended up in court but her ex did not show so access was given to her. She says I should not contact her at all now until after it has been to court. We tried mediation but my ex did not go to her appointment so they have closed the file

...that's not the best advice to be honest. If there are no injunctions to prevent your contact then I would advise that you continue to try and make contact. The family court really want to see parents working together in the best interests of the children, that's the aim of mediation, to get some agreement to avoid the need for court. As that failed then everything you do from that point should continue to show that you are being pro active in trying to resolve any differences.

Your first hearing will involve the court adviser trying to get you both round the table to try and reach some agreement about contact. It's very common for the parent with care to throw their toys out of the pram when child maintenance is reduced, or their ex moves on in another relationship and the courts are used to this situation. As long as there are no safeguarding issues, the courts won't be interested in the financial side of things and as long as your new partner isn't a risk to children, then it is your choice who you introduce your children to whilst they are in your care.

If your ex has a solicitor then I would suggest you write to them and request that they arrange for cards and gifts to be passed to your daughter. If she isn't legally represented then I would send a card to your daughter, get proof of postage to at least show that you tried. Otherwise she could say that you haven't bothered. Put a letter in the card, keep it light and just reassure her that you love her and miss her and are keeping her birthday presents safe for when you see her again. You can ask her about things like school, but make no mention of the situation, or anything that might inflame the mother. A little note to your other child would be a good idea too, and a separate letter to the mother expressing your regret that mediation wasnt an option and the hope that you can find resolution through the court process which will allow you both to move forward in the best interests of the children. You could point out that it is the children's right to have a relationship with both parents, regardless of any problems that the parents have...a nice non confrontational letter, and keep a copy! This is really more an exercise in showing on paper that you are doing everything you can to find a solution.

Perhaps you could start a keepsake box for your children and put little cards and messages in it for when you see each other again, starting with a diplicate birthday card and the notes that you write to them. Once contact is restarted you can go through the box together and it will show them that you have thought about them and missed them.

Always keep a copy of all correspondence, try to avoid phone calls as these can't be verified, texts, emails and letters are best.

All the best

If you decide to write to the mother, send it in a separate envelope and get proof of postage.

Ok thanks for your help

Hi there

I can only reiterate the advice Mojo has given you. Do not give your ex an opportunity to say you haven't bothered, you might find with the impending proceedings that your ex may allow some contact.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Ok thanks guys

What he has forgotten to say is that his ex a specifically told him not to contact her, so he would need to adhere to that due to her spiteful nature and mind games and the fact potentially she could be looking/ baiting for grounds to get a non molestation order so any form of contact directly or indirectly would make matters worse at this stage. The fact he has initiated the mediation shows he is doing all he can and it has been noted on the court forms he has wanted to contact the children but has not due to the above reasons. It is showing he is doing all he can to co-operate with her in turn building him a good character reference

Then that is all you can do for now. Hopefully an invitation to mediation might be successful. Good luck.

I feel your pain I had to miss my first fathers day, my daughters first birthday and I was barred from contacting my ex for 10 months last year.

I'd echo what mojo has said as that's exactly what I did I politely wrote to my ex requesting if I could see my girl on fathers day the same for her first birthday I never got a response but copied the letters so I had proof that I tried and put them in my court bundle towards the end of my case.

I found it help full by getting a little box and writing a letter to my daughter each week and put down how I was feeling I also bought her presents and cards for her which I've kept to give her when she's older.

Like has been said just be very careful in contacting your ex as the police will lock you up at the drop of a hat and you could so easily get an NMO slapped on you.

Try and sit tight you WILL get to be part of your childs life it just takes [censored], patience and a whole lot of the time, try and look after yourself do anything to take your mind off things nail it at work do a hobby you enjoy try and get away do some exercise what ever to keep you busy.

Good luck man

Slim 🙂

She has refused mediation so I have now done the court forms, have got mediation to sign so it shows I tried & have handed the forms in to the court just got to wait now. Thanks Mojo & Mr Slim that’s good idea about doing a keepsake box, writing letters each week & adding toys etc.

It helps to know that others have experienced what I am going through, I just feel for my 2 children as they are the ones that are suffering.

Thanks for your help guys