[Solved] No access to Child, never even met child, Advice??

Hi Guys,

I’m in a real pickle and I could do with some advice / useful tips.

The shortest version of the story goes as follows:

I met a girl whilst travelling, we spent 3 days hanging out, nothing too serious, hooked up and the end result was a baby. I hardly knew the girl and she lives in a different country (the states) She first told me of her pregnancy just 1 week shy of 4 months claiming she waited so long because she wanted to see if she’d miscarry. (despite going on gruelling 4 day hikes and uploading new pics of her travels etc during this time) The girl openly admitted to having had a sexual relationship with another guy just 4 days before I did. When we spoke once on the subject, where barbs were traded in both direction and I admittedly hadn’t reacted as positively as necessary given the girls previous promiscuity, it resulted in her blocking and deleted me from facebook whilst threatening to never ever tell me what was happening with my baby. I sent 2 weeks worth of Skype messages trying to be in contact with her, trying, like an adult to discuss things with her and to try and at least seek a reasonable conclusion… this reaction was the last one I expected and one that’s always irked me a little given the importance of the situation.

2 months later, after having had all contact severed against my will, I created a fake facebook account and started monitoring her facebook to see if she was proceeding with the pregnancy. She was one of those who publicly shared all her life’s activities on facebook. After about three weeks, once it became obvious she was still pregnant and in fact talking openly about her pregnancy on facebook, I sent her a private message and a few days later I added her. I used a very similar surname to my real one. I messaged her stating I wanted to be involved, that I was willing to move to the states and reside closeby to be there for my kid and that all I needed was for her to let me know what was happening so I could be prepared and see my child etc.. A day later she deactivated her account. I also sent messages to 3 of her relatives who had commented on a picture I had uploaded when I first met this girl, going back in my facebook timeline to find them and contact them just in case I couldn’t get hold of the mother. All 3 ignored my attempts at contact.. I naturally assumed, that perhaps this baby wasn’t mine and carried on living my life. I had literally exhausted all avenues trying to be in contact with her.

5 weeks post the birth of my first child, I get a message from the mother saying she’d been born, named, registered etc etc leaving her contact info if I ever wanted to get involved. She acted almost over overjoyed when I said I wanted to be involved, talked about my previous unknown about baby so excitedly, suggesting she’d come to my country to visit me, talked about my daughter eating sleeping and pooping a lot..how all of her family surrounded her and loved her..etc I asked how she was, asked for pics, exchanged pleasantries etc and then after re-adding to what was now a fully functional and reactivated facebook account I asked her about the repeated attempts both after she had blocked, threatened and deleted me from facebook to the later facebook attempts a few months further down the line with a completely different account. She told me.. “my account was deactivated”.. Naturally, I was very sceptical given not only had I watched her fully active for over 3 weeks, I had even documented some of her online behaviour taking screenshots etc etc.. I told her that at that particular time it was very difficult to take what was an obvious lie because it unfortunately came at a time when my Dad was suffering from cancer and there was a very good chance he would not survive. Things at home were chaotic and I couldn’t talk about the fact that I was a sudden new father given how far id gone up to 4 months earlier to be involved from the start. I asked the mother of my child about this, about why I was only just finding out given how far I went pre birth.. she responded “its only been a month” I asked what kind of future this girl will have without her real father.. whether it was just an aesthetic thing.. (she was adamant on adopting an African baby, I am of African descent) I told her that it was fundamentally impossible for me to both add or message her if her account was indeed deactivated pointing to the numerous amounts of evidence id taken.

Amazingly, she still continued to lie and started modifying her story when she realised the lack of credibility... I asked about the messages I sent to her family, she told me “yea, they thought it was just some crazy guy” acknowledging receipt of the messages but of course, they ignored them.

Given what I had going on at home, given the very sadistic, cruel, dishonest and deliberate actions of the mother of my child, I grew very angry and this was reflected in some very frank and honest emails where my anger was fully visible.

This girl had threatened me with my unborn baby 4 months into her life in the womb, blocked and deleted me from facebook, deliberately ignored skype messages, facebook adds and messages and then resulting to deactivating her account when she knew exactly who was trying to contact her, coming back post birth with a baby in tow, delighted, claiming her account had been deactivated the whole time, pretending she was doing me a favour by telling me completely ignoring what had happened in the past, ignoring the attempts to be there and see my child and when I grew angry of what was such an obviously twisted and messed up thing to do.. I grew angry and she used that anger against me to then claim that my child doesn’t deserve someone with so much anger and hatred in her life!!!! …Can anyone help me here?!??

Now, fast forward 17 months, my child is bigger beyond recognition, the mother continued to ignore me for 9 straight months refusing me any contact whatsoever, didn’t respond to a single email, skype message, video skype message, e Christmas card, the only thing I didn’t do was [censored] ring her.. .. I’ve never seen my child, she lives what I presume given from the mothers current facebook picture that my little girl has a new dad.. shes 17 months, I cant get any presents to her, her mother has claimed that I harassed her and filed a county court judgement against me, refuses me any access, deliberately waited 9 months before even contacting me back and when my little girls grandfather survived cancer she couldn’t even muster a word of support whatsoever.. instead continued with such an obvious and blatant lie distancing me and my girl in the process, . now.. now.. amazingly she is demanding I sign this county court judgement, start paying child support etc.. whilst I sit every godamn day across the atlantic.. thinking of my girl every [censored] day, it affects my work, sleep, daily life.. every day im reminded of how I have a little girl ive never seen, whos already so big and for whom I did so much to try and be with since before she was born, to now be told by her mother that none of those attempts were possible or even exist despite the irrefutable evidence, that ive made it all up in my head, that I got angry over something ive deliberately made up seeking “closure” and looking for answers I “want to hear”.. whilst demanding child support payments from me…

I am close to the edge.

Some please offer me some advice on how to handle what is the most difficult, irrational, heartless and annoying person I have ever come across.

I am at my wits end.

Thanks Juan.