Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
hi guys I'll fill you in on my story and maybe you can offer me advice on what my options are and what I can do.
I was with my ex for 10 years, around 4 years ago I had a drunken one night stand. turns out the girl got pregnant. I told my partner about what I done and she gave me an ultimatum - stay and make the relationship work but I wasn't to see my baby or see the baby and that was our relationship finished. I chose to make the relationship work and not see my baby. it just wasn't working, so we split up 5 months ago.
I moved back with my parents and i started seeing my little girl. my mum and dad have had contact with her for around 2 years. they have a great relationship with her and it's great to see. since moving back in with them I see my girl 3 times a week, Tuesday's/Thursday's/alternating Friday and Saturdays where she would stay overnight. it's been an amazing experience getting know her and I've loved every second of it. she's changed my world completely.
my kids mum has made things very difficult. she doesn't like sharing our kid and threatens me with going to court every single week. she's stopped me from seeing her atleast once a week for the past 3 months over very stupid things. things like - not getting away from work early enough to pick her up saying my priorities aren't 100% with my kid. I work very hard and have crazy shift patterns and I do a lot of overtime.
well I've been told today, the only way I'll get to see my little girl is 2 hours every 2 weeks in a contact centre?! I'm not sure this is right? I fee like my hearts been ripped out my chest 🙁 I just want to be a dad to my kid and her mums being very difficult and not allowing it.
when we're together it's just amazing, we have fun, we do lots of stuff together, swimming, soft play, parks, painting, baking, zoo's etc it's only going to affect the little 1. she's bonded with me and she's not old enough to understand what her mums doing.
I've paid for my child since day 1 through CSA.
sorry for the big story and I hope I've posted this in the correct place.
any help would be appreciated, I'm just at a loss for what I can do. I know I've only been in my kids life for a short period of time but I love her so much.
Hi There,
.
I guess the chances are the childs mother is punishing you for the decision you made to not see your daughter from the start, so you will have to make up for that, in her eyes.
.
You would need to start off the process with mediation, where you and your childs mum would be able to talk in a room with a 3rd party to help keep things moving and calm, this is now needed before you can apply to court for them to make an order, if you can't make an agreement you she won't attend then you can apply to court, the mediator will sign your application form so you can show you have tried mediation.
.
As long as there have been no issues that could cause a threat to your child there shouldn't be any need for a contact centre these are usually only used when the courts deem there to be a threat to the child or there is no bond at all, this then allows contact centre staff to observe and feedback.
.
GTTS
thanks for your reply. I've been to see a lawyer. I'm getting a letter drafted up explaining I want my set days to get a routine with my daughter. if that doesn't help, then I guess I'll need to try and get a court order.
the joys :unsure:
Sorry to hear about what you are going through. Everyone makes mistakes but its how we learn from them and turn the negatives into positives. I don't know what your daughter's mother is like but believe you me [censored] hath no fury like a woman scorned. If she is bent on making you pay she will make you pay. I have been through this process and its not for the not for the faint-hearted if your ex is as bitter as gall. IF I were you I would write a sincere letter to your ex acknowledging your mistake and how sorry you are. Tell her that you have learned from your mistakes and simply want to put things right with you daughter while you still can. Just be open and honest what your daughter means to you since you started forming a bond with her after all this time and what it means to your daughter. Hand deliver the letter if you can if not post it. Wait for her response. She might respond she might not but at least you tried.
A letter from your lawyer will not really move her in anyway if she is upset. In fact it might just make her even more upset. Try and deescalate the situation and don't muck about when its your turn to have your daughter or pick her up from school. Too many people use work as an excuse. We all need money and want to make a good life for our family but work all you want and have all the money you want but without loving relationships its worthless. Your child/children will know that daddy was there for them every time when he was suppose to be. And when all is said and done later on in life they will be there for you.
Starting the court process should be the last resort. That's my humble opinion. Good luck and keep us posted.
Hi
You do need to have a life / work balance and if you ended up in court, even with a shift pattern, you would be expected to have a structured routine in place for your daughter. Court is a last resort that should be avoided but sometimes it's the only option. Hopefully mediation will work for you and it is mandatory to attempt this before making a court application.
I wouldn't set too much store by a lawyer's letter, they have no power to force your ex to allow contact and quite often frustrate matters further.
If you were to reach the court stage, a contact centre is only ordered when there are safeguarding issues that need to be considered.
Good luck
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.