[Solved] Manipulated - Sick Response to Solicitors Letter

Hi SO

You could ask your solicitor to write again and this time rather than making requests make it more of a statement of intent. Accept the contact centre but make it clear that this is short term and you expect it to revert to unsupervised with a schedule of increasing contact to take account of the young age of your child. Alternatively as she has communicated to your Dad that she is happy for members of your family to have contact, suggest that contact be supervised by your parents at their home for the time being. If she trusts them then she can't really object to them supervising, if she goes to court with this attitude then they will quickly see through her antics!

Briefly acknowledge your past medical history, classify her claims of self harm as historic and no longer relevant, also state that the underlying depression is being effectively managed and doesn't prevent you from any of the daily activities of life, including holding down full time employment, and it didn't interfere with your ability to care for her or the baby when she returned home from hospital.

Offering mediation is a good idea, as is offering to pay the full costs, it's shows you are making every effort to reach agreement amicably.

As far as maintenance is concerned, there's nothing to stop you from initiating this through CSA yourself. You can check amounts by googling the CSA calculator and imputing your details. As far as the court is concerned maintenance and contact are completely separate issues and they don't play out against each other in court proceedings.

Ask the solicitor to reiterate that it would be better for all concerned to come to an amicable agreement over contact, as court should always be the very last resort, but if that is not possible you will have no hesitation applying for Parental Responsibility and contact. State that you take your role as a parent very seriously and that it would be in your child's best interests to have you fully involved in her life.

Please try and be strong...no more talk of jumping out of windows! You have a very good chance of obtaining contact, you may have to accept that it is supervised for a short time but this won't be for ever. Lots of people suffer from depression and manage to be great parents regardless, if the courts stopped everyone with a medical history from seeing their kids there would be millions more children growing up without both parents!

Hi Nannyjane

Thanks for your response and good advice as always. This is the lowest point of my life. Dropped a stone in weight, cant focus in work, very little support and all i want is to see my beautiful 6 week old. Unfortunately im dealing with someobody very manipulative who enjoys this sort of pain and exclusion.

My main concern is that given i was caring for both her and child during her hospital stay and for three weeks afterwards, why should i attend a contact center? I am not a risk, and would eb conceding I am ? I am also extremely concerned about how this would represent me to others, particularly those whom we have mutually worked with etc

A very good chance of contact - its ridiculous isnt it! I co -produced this child and its oh so easy for the woman to call te shots and ruin somebody elses life, which she completely has. The law HAS to change soon. :0(

...Courts will always err on the side of caution if allegations or safeguarding risks are raised, also your daughters new born status will play a part. You have to concede that the courts in acting this way are only protecting the child whilst relevant checks are made. Once that is done and no risks are determined then usually contact is granted and an order made.

There are many dads that are not a risk and yet must attend several sessions at a contact centre first. You will not be conceding you are risk, rather that you are prepared to do whatever it takes to be in your daughters life. I agree though that more often than not contact centres are used when there are no risks, which is wrong.

I do understand how distressing this is for you but as I said before you must stay strong, there may be a long road ahead of you if this goes to court and taking care of yourself is important if you are to stay on track. Attend to the basics of daily life, eating and sleeping etc...if you are finding that difficult then try some strenuous excercise...it will help take your mind off things, encourage your appetite and tire you out!

Prove her wrong, she's waiting for you to fail so don't give her the satisfaction, start today to take back control, you do have the right to be in your baby's life and if you approach this in the right way you will be successful.

Agree with everything NJ has said. Don't think of the Contact Centre as a stigma - my daughter went to one for years and had a great time. What it does give you is the evidence that there aren't any problems - it takes away any allegations that your ex might otherwise make if you weren't there, and gives you the opportunity to build up a provable track record.

Thanks for your responses guys, but There is a matter of principle here also. I cared for both her and the child for 5 weeks, no problems at all, aside from the arguing. She always threatened to do this. I also work in the mental health sector, and am throughly opposed to people being discriminated against on the grounds of their health.She works in the same field and knows colleagues of mine and i am really concerned about the message she is putting out there.

Sick to the stomach of this whole situation. Cant eat sleep or focus.

Feel for everyone going through this farcical process.

SO

Woman can be devious, vindictive just because they have lost the control they thought they may have had over their partner or husband. It is all about a sense of insecurity on their part, especially around having control and being able to dictate what goes on. The courts and any organsation like CafCass will see through this.

My ex has done the same thing to me since I left 3 years ago...All was fine for the first 3 months. then i met someone else and the relationship became a serious 1, but my ex has sent a torrade of abuse, false accusations of abusing my kids and is now targeting my new wife directly in the street. This is intolerable as my wife has had a breakdown recently and getting help from local mental health services.

Woman are a very strange creature and will do anything to hurt you with anything they can get their hands on even if there is no grounds for it. I say Never give up, Never Surrender and stand tall be proud of who and what you are. Look what you can give to your child, love, support, care, kindness and most of all help the develop and grow as an individual and they will see in time who has caused all the pain and heartache. Not you. Good luck to you.

If you want to correspond by email, i can be reached at safarisid2012 "at" live.co.uk.

I do understand but what good is principle if you don't see your child....sometimes the bullet has to be bitten and compromises made for the greater good and for a better outcome in the future.

If you are offered supervised at a contact centre and she won't agree to anything else then it's better to take what's on offer, if you knock it back the court will not look favourably on it.

If she discusses the case outside of the four walls of the courtroom with anyone not directly involved with the case she is in contempt of court. Family courts are private and the rules are applied stringently. Is she is discussing it outside with work colleagues she is in contempt. You can get your solicitor to remind her of this in no uncertain terms, it's up to her solicitor to make it clear that she keeps her own counsel with these matters.

Nannyj - thanks again for being so kind to respond. Does it have to go through court to arrange the contact centre visits? From her letter it didnt imply that?

Also my biggest concern all along has been being on the BC or going for parental responsibility. Are people saying i should let that go short term? Im really unhappy about not being legally recognised as the father and being treated as a second class citizen.

Thanks

No it can be arranged between you both either with a referral from a solicitor or self referral. Here's a link to the contact centres website where you will find information on how to do this.

www.NACCC.org.uk/

No I don't think you should let it go, perhaps get your solicitor to write and tell her that you will agree to supervised contact at a contact centre and as a gesture of goodwill and in the context of trying to work together for the benefit of your child, that she agrees to signing the parental responsibility agreement.

Also request that a schedule of contact be worked out and agreed upon so that contact can progress to unsupervised contact at some point in the future. Acknowledge that your daughter is still very young and that you accept that contact will be in small doses to begin with but that it should be increased as she becomes more independent. Again suggest for her peace of mind that after say six sessions at a contact centre and all being well, your family be allowed to supervise the visits from then on, with a view to a gradually moving forward to unsupervised contact.