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Hi guys. First time poster.. Brief story then my questions....
Split with wife in march, half way through divorce procedure. We only married 18 months at split. We have 3 children 5-3-1.
Wife decided she loved me but not in love blah blah blah. Asked for space, I left home, for what was going to be 2 days and she never let me back. Weeks after i discover, from my 5 year old, another man had been staying in mummy's bed! Thats the truth why we split!!
This relationship lasted just weeks and i tried to reconcile, But she had zero interest. I became very depressed, had counselling for 3 months and started getting my life back on track. She now is in another relationship where the guy is staying most nights. I have not met him, but from what iI understand he is a nice guy?!! He is 24, no kids of his own. My wife is 24, I am 33.
I seem to have no power to stop him staying, or him seeing my children so regularly, My 5 year old even asked me why mummy has said this new guy is like another daddy!!!! heartbreaking stuff.
I am getting access to my kids every saturday all day. 9-6 ish. I would like to up this time, she is saying she will consider me having them friday nights to. I am happy (ish) with this, although I would like one week day evening to.
My issue at the mo i would like advice on is my wife has told me that I now am not allowed my 2 min nightly call to speak with kids to discuss day and say goodnight. She is saying she is within her rights that she can stop this? and that speaking to me is confusing my children?
Although she has other men stay in the house? surely this can not be correct. Is this allowed that i drop off saturday afternoons and have zero contact till following saturday morning?
We are in UK also, so dont know if rules change in different areas?
Also I pay her £100 a week child maintenance
hi mate, sorry to her your problems. I can relate, I neither get phone calls from my child basically due to his mum deciding that's the case. Basically your stuck with it unless she becomes more reasonable.
A solicitor might tell you, depending on which one you go to of course, the 5 year old should get to talk to you, the 3 year old is on the cusp of being to young/just old enough and the 1 year old obviously isn't viable.
But alas your like me, unless the mother is compliant, it wont happen. you would have to go to mediation initially which as I understand it is now compulsory in England I think.
Like a lot of us dads, your stuck with the situation as it is just now. maybe a solicitors letter to her initially will be enough to get her to allow the phone calls but if not your stuck, sorry
thanks brokendad, i know i am getting a reasonable deal with seeing my kids, i am struggling not speaking to them. every evening i call and text my wife to see if they ok etc... she never replies
np mate, I know the struggle. Your wife seems to fit the template of most unreasonable mothers who guys are dealing with on this site. the no communication route, blanking everything seems to prevail in the majority of cases.
Don't lose heart though, a few months ago, I didn't think I had the strength to carry on. some days I still feel so bad but there is a glimmer at the end of the tunnel in my case and' im sure it will work out like that for you to.
[censored] [censored] mate what a nightmare! I know how you feel man so to will plenty of other dads on here, try and calm down about things so you can think straight, you need to come up with a plan of action.
On the plus side at least you are seeing your kids that is a bonus so at least you have something to build on.
have you tried the courts or mediation yet?
i have wanted to keep it out of court but i fear its heading that way,
thank you for reply
It's no to bad the contact you have got already I would try mediation first if I was you see if you can come to an agreement through that and you have to try mediation before going through the courts but that will get your ex's back up bigtime, with regards to your ex seeing other blokes ect there's not a lot that can be done about that I'm affraid you're just going to have to consentrate on seeing your kids, you'll be also going through the hurt of actually splitting up, it [censored] hard I went down a dodgy road when all this started and I've not seen my Girls for 9 months its almost unbearable but I've got to be strong fit and able for my Girls :dry:
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