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[Solved] How to bond as a 'part-time' dad

 
(@CrossHatch)
Eminent Member Registered

We split while she's pregnant and she made it clear I will have as little contact with the baby as she can arrange. She certainly won't give me anything above what a court orders her to do so and as I won't be allowed to be at the birth (something which I can begrudgingly agree with) it could be many months before I see my child for the first time. She has also made it clear that the child will be brought up her way, with her values etc and neither I or any of my family are to buy or send clothes, toys etc as they'll all be binned. I expect birthday and Christmas cards to go the same way.

Anyway as it could be a long time before I spend time with my child what do I do to help create a bond with him/her when I will have such little and negligible influence on their formative years?

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Topic starter Posted : 07/04/2014 9:46 am
(@daver)
Noble Member Registered

Hi,

Spend as much time as is possible with your child and be there to support them.

I know that it feels like your influence will be little but dont bet on that.

What I mean is that your child will remember the time spent, youd be surprised what they do remember.

Be the reasonable, kind, gentle man that they will remember and do as much with them as is possible as shared experiences will bring you together and create the bonds.

We go to the beach, parks and swimming and have other plans for the holidays. Even just being around the house with them doing your thing, they will pick up your ways and learn from you.

Be there and be as much a part as possible.

Regards,

Dave

ReplyQuote
Posted : 07/04/2014 2:29 pm
 Mojo
(@Mojo)
Illustrious Member Registered

Hi there

There's not a lot you can do before the baby arrives, but once that happens I wouldn't waste any time getting contact sorted out.

You could then try mediation and if that is rejected you can apply to court. If she refuses to put you on the birth certificate you can apply to the court for that too.

When the baby is very young and dependent on the mother contact would be in in short bursts, but as baby gets older you should expect contact to increase. This can be address in the contact order.

Best of luck

ReplyQuote
Posted : 07/04/2014 11:09 pm
(@CrossHatch)
Eminent Member Registered

Cheers guys.

I have experience of bonding from the 10 years with my daughter so as the child gets older it won't be a problem, I have plenty of ideas there, my worry and concern is during the early years. The ex won't be going out of her way at all to encourage a bond so whatever access time I am granted will be need to be used very wisely.

ReplyQuote
Topic starter Posted : 08/04/2014 9:39 am
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