Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information β open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you β or someone you know β are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I was told babies would bring family disputes....:-(
My brother lives with my mother, he doesn't work and spends most of his time in his room smoking fags/dope. This smoking is confined to the bedroom only, not throughout the house.
My wife won't take our 6 month old to visit at the house due to the smoking.
My mother visits us and meets us out regularly, so no issues interms of how often she see's him.
My mother has kicked off a big dispuate saying the reasons for not visiting are "inaccurate and unreasonable". She says she would stop him smoking before and during our visit.
Is my wife being over protective? If my mother not being respectful of her decision?
Tricky one mate,if the smoking is only going on in the bedroom and I presume the doors shut and the windows are open then it seems a bit harsh not going round. Maybe you could have a chat with your brother,if he doesn't smoke when your going round hopefully your wife will go.
Good luck.
In my opinion, your wife is being overprotective, BUT - she is your wife so she needs your support. If you can't change her mind with gentle persuasion, then you need to explain to your mother that your wife is acting in the best interests of your son, and even though you don't necessarily agree, you married her for better or worse, and you are not going to go against her decision, as that will cause arguments and achieve nothing. As you say, there is no limit on contact, so a compromise is easier to achieve - but being caught between your wife and your mother is never going to be easy if there's a disagreement.
Hi Limey,
I did some searching. I was surprised at the info. It left me aware that smoke particles hang around and can be absorbed by others, especially children.
This was at the top of my search results:
How cigarette smoke in your carpet could harm your baby which has some information about third hand smoke left on surfaces.
As I searched more I found similar info about smoking:
Smoking outside the home still exposes infants to nicotine
How Should Parents Protect Their Children From Environmental Tobacco-Smoke Exposure in the Home?
I hope the above links might help your mother realise that your wife's concerns are backed up by studies/research...
My personal take on it is that we're surrounded by a world of risks and things which hinder the human body, so at a practical level I would hope that occasional short visits would minimise the risks especially that smoking is confined to a different room.
I imagine that this disagreement is a really difficult one for you, so thanks for posting.
Interesting stuff - never looked into it before. My ex smoked in different rooms to my children when they still lived with her - I thought that the risk was much lower, but looks like I was mistaken. π
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We donβt like to set βrulesβ, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.