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I am new to the website and see this as a good idea to share my views and gain advice...
I am currently in a happy relationship with my girlfriend and she is expecting my first child in october 2009, she already has a son who will be 3 years old in august, his real 'father' has paid no vital role in his life and rarely see's the child. I am finding it difficult to discipline him as he is a very energetic and sometimes very naughty young boy. He loves me to pieces and i see him as my own son but he is very disobedient and rarely listens to me without his mum getting involved. I don't want to scare him but at the same time i need to be firm with him so that we both know our place moving forward...
Anyone else in the same situation and have any ideas/tips??
Hi Superdad
I can't believe a year into Dadtalk and you're the first one to pick that name 😉
Not a stepdad myself but i know a few who are. I wonder however if what you are experiencing isn’t stepdad thing but a 3 year old boy thing! I have 2 boys aged 3 and 5. The 3 year old is being a pickle ❗ at the moment and is not taking any instruction from me what so ever. The wife and i sat down last weekend and talked about how to handle the situation and we are 3 days into it.
Is it working? Kind-a’ but its early days.
I think as one dad to another you should sit down with your GF and talk to her about it all and how you feel, chicks dig the whole IT MAKES ME FEEL thing. Tell her that what you’re concerned about. I would then take the kid out to the park for the morning or get the GF to go shopping for the morning and you stay home with him so he begins to see you as equal carer for him, staying home allows you to be less embarrassed if he kicks off, but do have a game plan for the few hours you have him and tell him he will get a reward if he's good. Do you use the naughty step or any other type of discipline technique?
If you’re not doing this already put him to bed a few nights a week and start to get him to see you as part of his routine.
It’s important that your GF backs you up and that you both are on the same page when it comes to discipline etc.
My 3 year old works well with rewards like stickers or if he's good all day he can watch his fav short dvd before bed. What would work well with your 3 year old? My old sons likes reward charts and they have both learnt that if i count to 3 then they need to respond to me.
If he's full of energy try giving a few minutes’ notice before you want him to do stuff like switch off the tv, come to tea, go to the bathroom etc.
Read these article too they have great content that might be relevant
http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/articles/top_t ... r_kids.php
http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/articles/the_p ... _words.php
Hi There
Thanks for the feedback i think your completely right about the whole stepdad/dad thing we r all in the same boat.
I do things like put him to bed and play games with him in the garden when he seems to be most energetic,and i think these things are making the bond between us alot stronger. I think that your comment regards making sure that me and my gf are on the same page is completely correct, sometimes i do think that maybe we see certain things differently and maybe we just need to work out exactly how to tackle certain situations as a team (not always bad cop/ good cop) routine.
Funnily enough my nickname for him at the minute is little pickle!, when he's being mischievous...
I received a text today at work which made me smile..we have just returned from holiday in the south of france and have a picture of me and him on top of the tv...he picked it up tday and took it to my gf and said 'theres me and daddy ben' so i think things are starting to move in the right direction.
Regards the naughty step...i currently give him a warning for doing something naughty, and then after i have told him its his last chance if he again does the same thing i make him sit in his room. Bedtime can sometimes be particularly difficult but between us we have found that if we both take him upto bed together he calms down and gets his head down.
I am definitely going to try out the naughty step to see how that works with him.
Thanks Again
SuperDad
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