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Hi,
Sorry if this is in the wrong section.
Basically i see my son every weekend either Fri - Sat or Sat - Sun, most of the time my ex is changing stuff to suit her needs (pub with current boyfriend) and leaving me with no choice but to drop everything for her. If i don't do as she says then she threatens to stop me from seeing my son although we've already been through court but they didn't put anything down on paper as she's a very good "actor" and they said we can sort it out between ourselves.
Me and my girlfriend can't organize anything or arrange any time to ourselves because of this messed up routine....it's coming between our relationship and i need to balance it out. My girlfriend also has a son which lives with us so there's virtually no kid free time to ourselves.
What i would like is to have my son every other weekend and on those weekends i would have him from friday after to work until sunday so that's all weekend for two weekends a month.
I'll say that to the ex and she would start throwing messages at me
"you dont care about your son - you hardly see him, you're putting her son first or your girlfriend"
She and her partner dont work and every weekend they are at the pub without fail even on weekend days that i don't have him they'll palm him off to someone else and in some cases people he hardly even knows at all.
She thinks that because i don't have my son in the week that i can do what i want and get loads of time but she couldn't be further from the truth...me and my partner work hard and struggle to fit everything in and it's putting pressure on us.
How can i explain this to such an awkward woman that thinks about herself and explain to her that she will lose to pee up weekends?
Help appreciated
To be honest you have very good contact. Many men fight to even get every other weekend.
Does your current partner's child have contact with his father?
Why don't you get a babysitter if she wants you to have the child when you have made arrangements?
If your ex uses a sitter, there is no reason you cant.
Another thing is why not suggest every other weekend and then a night or two in the week?
Hello Wiggyste,
I would recommend that you find a neutral person that can help you both to come to an understanding that allows you the access you need or better access.
Enyamachaela is right, there are many men out here who do not have the kind of acces you have but either way, it is important that you are involved in your children's lives, in a way that is both meaningful to you and them.
So I would advise a neutral party to help, make sure you maintain a cooperative approach, avoid conflict at all costs where you can, as this just compromises your chances. If you are struggling to find someone neutral then I would advise you go down the mediation route.
If you have any questions on mediation go to this link - http://www.dad.info/mediation
A tip for you to think about :
When I have worked with dads in your position, I have encouraged them to spend time creating artisitic objects and things that children can take back to the other partner, this could be in form of an art piece, a drawing, photographs... so that they can see that time spent with you is meaningful. You do not have to do this, but in most of the cases, it made a difference and made the main carer more supportive of the time spent with dad.
Let us know how you get on.
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