Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi, I have a 9 year old daughter, to whom I seperated from her mother 8 years ago, I've always had a routine of her coming on a Sunday and monday and staying over those nights, I've always paid her maintenance above the csa calculator rates since the day we seperated, now her mother has married and got another one aged 4 and me any my partner of 6 years have a 2 year old son. My daughter was happy coming and spending time with us up until last year when all of a sudden she said she didn't want to come round, when asked she said she didn't know why and couldn't give any explanation. My girlfriend used to have a fantastic relationship with my daughter with her asking to sleep even when I was on nights, that until my daughter confided in my girlfriend saying she didn't like her new stepdad and asked not to say anything, now my girlfriend after much thought contacted my ex and said to her my daughter wasn't liking her stepdad and the reasons why hoping to help and asking not to say anything as it was a secret, my ex went staright to my daughter and told her off and my parners relationship with my daughter was severely dented! I inititated mediation to try and get some set routine in our lives, my hopeful outcome been the regular sunday,mondays and half the holidays and every other birthday and xmas, this was agreed at the meetings however straight away after broken! as my ex arranged for my daughter to go to dance classes the other side of town to where I lived on Monday night meaning she couldn't see me! Regularly on sunday's she arranges things so my daughter has to go back early to hers. Even telling her about other things they were doing on fathers day trying to get her to go back to hers! Now I've said on several occasions I don't think my daughter should have a choice as shes only a child and should have a set routine, but my ex insists she won't make her do anything, even if the mediators or court tell her to! I feel in a very difficult situation, I can't have any routine or install manners or tell my daughter off because she just goes back to her mothers then doesn't want to see us for weeks. My son is saying her name all the time and crying with missing her which I feel is very unfair. I can't afford the fees associated with court. There's too many occasions and events to list but I feel that Parent Alienation is been used against me. And i hate the way she's manipulating my daughter.
I think you ex is telling you she won't comply in order to put you off trying. I would suggest you initially suggest mediation - try www.nfm.org.uk to see if your ex is willing to attend, otherwise you may have to consider a contact order.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.