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First off, I'm gonna say that I know that no-one can give me the real answers I'm looking for at the moment, but maybe some moral support/slap to the side of the head from some of you guys would help...so...
My wife is now 13 wks + 3 days pregnant, we had a bit of a hectic time at the beginning of the pregnancy, with our dr not even sure if she was pregnant (we got told she was 90% pregnant!! 🙄 ) and scans that didnt show anything, but after a while, everyone confirmed she was and we both got used to the idea (it wasn't planned, we even used the morning after pill but it didnt work). Then, about 10wks in,she started bleeding so we were given an emergency ultrasound. We were both convinced of the worst, but much to our joy, everything was normal.
Now, we had our 12/13wk ultrasound on Wednesday and while they said there are no problems, when they did the neck readings for Downs Syndrome, the result was 2.1mm. The woman doing the ultrasound said this was "within normal range" for a baby of this age but they dont give definate results until they've been combined with a blood test. Apparently if everything is fine we'll get a letter in 2 wks, if not, we will get a call within 3-4 working days. The only reason i'm worrying is that the Mrs said that with her first 2, the readings were 1.3mm and 1.4mm, so this is a bit higher.
I guess my point is that although we just have to wait and see, I'm getting sick with worry, all the while trying to keep a positive view on things, both for myself and the wife. Even if there are problems, I know we'll love this one just as much as the other 2, I'd just rather be prepared.
Has anyone got any tips to keep me positive, or indeed experiences of having a disabled child, how they felt and how they've coped with the situation?
Sorry if i've waffled on, guess I just needed to unload.
Hi Basdad.
That’s a lot to get your head round no wonder you're feeling worried.
Most people associate having a child with Down syndrome with older women. It is true that women over 35 do have an increased risk of having a child with Down syndrome, 80% of these children are born to those women under age thirty-five but in essence one in every 1000 babies is born with Down's syndrome.
Have you had much time to read up on it? It might help put your mind at rest about some of you main worries. Can i ask what are your main concerns? Are they money related, emotional based, are they about the impact on your family? Whatever your worries are they are probably based in a healthy desire to deal with whatever life is about to bring your way. It's great that you are seeking support and info so many guys don't.
Down's syndrome is a lifelong condition. People with Down's syndrome all have some degree of learning disability, and an increased risk of some health problems. However, everyone with Down's syndrome is different, and Down's syndrome is only a part of who they are. It is impossible to predict in pregnancy what any individual child's abilities and needs will be.
Just to say too, in case it's on your mind, Down's syndrome is not anybody's fault. There is nothing that can be done before or during pregnancy to prevent Down's syndrome. In most cases it does not run in families - anyone can have a baby with Down's syndrome.
I know that there are many dads on this site who have disabled children - our Tuesday blogger has a son with Cerebral Palsy so have a butchers at his blog posts ( some of the early ones are under Monday as we had a swop around so check those ones too) He gives a really honest view of being a dad to a special needs child.
I have a really good friend who when his wife was pregnant with their 3rd child was also told the same news as you. The child was born without Down’s Syndrome.
I'm really no expert but it sounds to me that if you think your worries through, and please come back and talk to us about them, you will find the answers to do a brilliant job of being your child’s dad. All kids are different, each child brings unique requirements to a family unit, I'm sure you'll do a pucker job of being dad.
There is an organisation called www.downs-syndrome.org.uk that you could check out too.
In regards to keeping positive i would say allow yourself to deal with how you feel don't just put a brave face on things. Talk about stuff, find the aswers to your questions, that will help you be there for your Mrs, your other kids, your baby and yourself.
Keep us all updated mate.
Hi HarveysDad,
Thanks for your response. Today is day 4 of the wait, hopefully if we dont hear anything today then we should be ok.
I guess my worries are partly emotional and partly the impact it would have on the family as a whole. We have friends who have a little lad with Downs (his mum was only 26 at the time) and the stress they went through when he was born was immense, so I guess part of it is that and maybe the other part of me is that it's my child with the mrs, whereas her 2 kids with her ex are perfectly normal, so it's that measuring up thing.
I know that we'd love it just as much as any kid without disabilities so that isnt the problem, i suppose everyone just wants their kid to be healthy and happy. Thanks for the words of advice tho, I guess it's something I already knew but had to hear someone else say it before it got through.
Thanks for the help
just an update...we got a letter yesterday saying that the little 'un isnt high risk, so that settles that.
thanks for the help, and letting me waffle 😉
That’s really good news mate. Lets us know how the rest of the pregnancy goes and don't forgot the we have expert midwives on the forum if you want to ask any questions of them..
😀
Hi,
I am a registered midwife. If you have any further queries regarding these test results or anything in pregnancy and/or becoming a dad again, please feel free to ask.
Just thought I would update on my other posts, we had our 20 week scan today, everything was fine apart from it didnt want to turn around so we could get all the measurements. Anyway, 2 hrs later and it decided to perform! the sonographer says it's just lazy 😮
anyway, we saw it yawn, swallow, saw all the muscles in it's mouth and throat work as it swallowed some of the fluid and then saw it's fingers wiggle.
Then we finally gave in and found out the [censored]...it was most definately a boy! 😀 D D
think he takes after his dad there... 😳 😆