[Solved] Wife over Son

Hi there.

I'm guessing your wife has trust issues with regard to your relationship with your son and by default, your ex, as she knows you left them to be with her. I'm not sure why she would want to have a child with you if she has so little regard for your relationship with your son.
He is the loser in all of this and should be a priority for all the adults involved, you're all capable of managing your own emotions after all. It's good that your ex is able to put her issues aside and allow you the Skype contact with your son though.

If things are so bad that you're having to go behind your wife's back & contemplating leaving her in order to have contact with your son, IMO I think you need to come clean to your wife about the situation and talk about a way forward, so that you can begin to rebuild a relationship with your son.

If you and your wife both want to make this work and you feel talking to each other alone won't resolve these issues, perhaps she would consider going to Relate with you to work through it all?

I can see that you feel caught between a rock and a hard place but that's not your son's fault. Hopefully you can rebuild some bridges and develop a relationship with him, whatever is going on in your personal life.

Thanks for the advice, Yes my wife does have a few on going issues, It is hurting me that I had to go behind her back in order to see and talk with my son but my wife is also pretty fiery when I raise the subject so I try to keep the peace as best I can by not brining it up, but my feelings and heart wont allow me to do what my wife wants any more. It is sad to say it will boil down to her or me going to Scotland to see my son

I agree totally with 1626 - go and see Relate and see if there is a way forward with your wife, rather than just assuming it won't work. It may well be that she will realise that she wants the relationship to work and that it simply means that there has to be some negotiation and compromises (on both sides).

Hi there ...

Well, to be honest, my opinion on the matter is rather simple.
No human being should ever be put into the position of having to make a choice between
partner and child.

Tc
Kirsten

Hi there ...

Well, to be honest, my opinion on the matter is rather simple.
No human being should ever be put into the position of having to make a choice between
partner and child.

Tc
Kirsten

That ties in so well with your signature, Kirsten 🙂 🙂

Exactly right.

My own answer is simple... Kids over any woman or anything. I know that is easier said than done and I am not judging your situation, but I really hate how SOME women corner men because of their pure and simple jealousy. We've all heard stories of the wicked step mother syndrome and that is one thing in life that really gets my goat. Too many poor children are neglected at the fate of the jealous partner. Technically if she doesn't trust you then it doesnt say much for her love for you, trust is a key building block to any relationship along with honesty. So you need to lay your cards on the table on tell her this is the way it's going to be. The child is your son and deservers a full father and son bond with no secrets.

But again, children should come first always. I say that as a victim of being put last all my life, you can grow up very bitter and feeling rejected, and im sure you don't want that for your son.

It is just a subject I care a lot about. I would love to have a charity for children and parents in this situation.

🙂

I disagree. Children should not come first where a person is not the non-resident parent. A life needs to be lived still and the guy should not be put in the position of having to put his life on hold just because his ex cannot tolerate his new relationship.

It will be hard but sort out the issues with your wife. Then agree a way together to take your ex to court to get access to your son. That way you have the best of all worlds. You cannot live the life you lived previously. You cannot be with your son 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. The landscape has changed. So all you can do is decide where you pitch yourself.

She does not have any rights to deny access judging by your post (drugs/violence/abuse) so do the right thing by yourself and your son. Get a stable life at home and you'll be a better Dad and husband.

...I don't think his ex is refusing contact, it's his wife that is refusing to accept his son, or allow him to have any contact with him. He is skyping his son in secret!

His dilemma is if he pursues a relationship with his son, he thinks his marriage will be over.