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Hi there
I understand how torn you must be feeling but my feeling is that the only important issue here is your relationship with your children. I think it's grossly unfair that your new ex should ask you to cut out your daughter, especially as she now has a child of her own.
Perhaps you should consider mediation with your new ex to try and get her to understand that ultimatums like that can't work, neither can holding someone to ransom, which is effectively what she is doing.
You mention trust issues with your new ex, how would you feel if you walked away from your older child to get back with your new ex and your relationship failed anyway. I don't mean to sound harsh, I know you are suffering right now, but there are no easy answers I'm afraid.
You might also like to consider couples counselling, I think if you can work through the issues with your new ex you may be able to save your relationship and get see both of your children. Here's a link to the Relate website
www.relate.org.uk
Best of luck
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