[Solved] Victim of dishonesty

Sadly it's one of those things isn't it? If this other bloke is about it'll only be natural for him to get mentioned etc, you'll just have to grin and bare it as hard as it can be,

You have to just try not to get caught up in it all, just let it go over your head as you said yourself it may bring up old hostilities which won't be good for you or your son. Also if you are worried about it, do the sensible thing and just ask her about it. If she wants to lie then she's got to live with it not you. I just hope it doesn't affect your son in anyway if she is just playing silly games.

The main thing as I say is the dishonesty, the lies and the downright deceit. I never ever ask about her private life but she deliberately gives me false info to make me think something that is not the case.

I'm smarter and wiser than to jeapordise what I have going at the moment in contact terms. If I pull her up on her lies she will respond in the juvenile way I would expect. She will [censored] around with contact arrangements to get back at me for showing her up, leading me to have to haul her [censored] back in to court. And i just can't be bothered with it all. It's too much hassle.

I suppose I will just let her carry on with the lies a deceit. All I want is a little courtesy and respect.

If I did this to her and introduced my son to another woman she would go ballistic I bet.

Hypocrisy at its finest.

Oh it'll always be different from that side no doubt about that. It'll always be one rule for the mum and one rule for the dad when things like this happen, it's [censored] but it's the way it is.

The easy solution is to just let it ride, but I know perfectly well that it won't be easy for you to do that, I'm not sure what words of wisdom I can offer, if any, except that as you know, at least you can come on here to let off steam.

As I say, I always knew that my ex would meet someone and that person would be introduced to my son. The fact that my ex has met someone else is neither here or there to me. I've moved past our previous relationship, and got on with my life for the better, so that's all good.

I do admit I don't like the idea of another man playing dad to my son, but then there is nothing I can do about that. It is what it is. I wouldn't make an issue out of that.

The key issue for me is the lies and deceit on the part of my ex. In that she is blatantly lying to me to make me think she is still single and that she doesn't have a variety of men introduced to our son. I know she has had 2 serious relationships since we split up 18 months ago, the first of which she rubbed in my face 4 months after we had split. How many more has she hidden? Who knows.

But anyway, all I want is a little courtesy and respect from her. However, I know I won't get it, so that's that.

I'm not going to say anything to her about her behaviour towards me, because it will just ignite old hostilities. I unfortunately am dealing with an immature and foolish woman who will dive back into conflict with me if I so much as question anything she does.

So it's a case of pick your battles.

At the end of the day, I won the war back in october. I don't need to go back to it when she is towing the line 100% as far as contact goes.

Going to be a case of grin and bear it 🙂 Frustrating but perfectly tolerable.

Simon 🙂

Karma and all that - got a nasty bite sometimes and her [censored] could well be the target.

Hi simon,

I can empathise about how you feel. It sucks how your ex is behaving and this would really get to me.

Personally deceit like this really winds me up. I do think you need to move on as you correctly say any conflict is not likely to go well for you as the father.

I wish I could offer some more meaningful advice or help. I can only say I think you're doing the right thing for your contact and I fully appreciate how this must make you feel.

I hope karma exists and the women who choose to behave like this get their dues.....

MH

Been a while since I added anything to this thread, as I pretty much moved on from this issue.

Thought I would update it though for the sake of completeness, based on information I have obtained over the last month.

I think I had mentioned in some of my other threads that I get on well with my ex's mum and her partner. I take my son over to see them on sunday afternoon before I drop him back home to mum. You see, my ex doesnt take our son over to see his nan. She only sees him when I take him over. I believe that my son should have a good relationship with both sets of grandparents, so I' happy to take him over to see his nan. Not sure why my ex can't be bothered to do that, but hey, that's the way it is. I think it could be because her mum stands up to her and tells her where she dissaproves of the way she behaves and has behaved.

So, yes, over the last month or so, my ex's mum and partner have told me many things about my ex's past, and have been very critical of the way she has behaved. Of course this thread relates to my ex's boyfriends, and her not telling me who she has been introducing to my son.

I'm not stupid, I know my ex had a new boyfriend since last august, and like I said before, just got on with it as it's beyond my control. It turns out though, that my ex is now engaged to this guy, and still has not mentioned it to me. Perhaps I expect too much, and think I deserve the respect to be told that a guy is around my son daily, doing "dad" things with him. Is that really too much?

My ex's mum and her partner don't think so. They were shocked that I have been lied to for so long, and that deliberate efforts to hide the truth have been employed. My ex's mum told her that she should just be upfront and tell me the situation, but alas, I still have not had that little shred of decency. Alas, I'm not so bothered by it. My relationship with my son is burgeoning and is going better than I hoped so soon. And that is the most important thing to me.

Where things take a more disturbing turn is where this sunday, my ex's mum and partner divulged to me that during court proceedings, my ex had asked her to "lie for her in court" ie. "Mum, would you lie for me in court?"

Of course, during proceedings, I was never aware of my ex's mum saying anything about me. And that would be because she refused to tell lies in court. Thats the decent thing to do....don't lie about an innocent bloke to stop him having proper contact with his son.

My ex's response to this....well. it was "Well, my dad said he will lie for me in court."

Again, my ex's mum and partner are disgusted by this behaviour.

The funny thing is that my ex's dad did indeed lie to cafcass about me -- acusing me of committing a violent act he allegedly witnessed - and tried to submit a letter to court in the form of a witness statement that would detail the contact between my son and I that he had observed at his house (when contact took place there). I challenged the submission of that drivel, and thankfully the judge did not want to hear any of it. The other funny thing is, the dad took a holiday over the time of the fact find hearing, and therefore wouldnt have been present for my barrister to cross examine his lying [censored]. It's no wonder on that day, that my ex backed out of the fact find and agreed to my proposals. Unknowingly, by following good practice and procedure, I had destroyed the house of cards my ex's case was built upon. You see, she had built a case on lies and deceit and neither she nor her solicitor had the know how on how to follow through with it to best effect. Thankfully I managed to outwit and outfox them.....which always makes me think what god send this forum was, as well as FNF, because without the good advice, she may have done me over. I learned a lot and I learned it quickly, and in the end I wasn't the green LIP that my ex's solicitor thought I was.

The point here is that here is a woman who I gave the benefit of the doubt to after the hearing in regards to her decision to fabricate many things. But now, after discovering she was trying to recruit people to lie for her, to stop me seeing my son and to stop my son having his dad in his life, I have zero respect for her. How can I?

My family, after learning of this, are of course angry and upset. It boggles my mind how someone can sleep at night after stooping to such depths. I don't think she really understands what she put me through for the best part of 15 months with all the lies. Thanks to her I was treated like a criminal, like a nothing scumbag, and for what? I did nothing wrong. Ah well, thats all in the past now, and from the pile of burning ashes that she and her web of lies reduced me to , I rose anew like a phoenix. My relationship with my son is better than ever, and I can take solcace in the fact that I can move on without a callous, devious liar in my life and in my home. That's something to rejoice right?

Anyway, just thought I would share another part of the tale with you.

Simon.

Hi Simon

Thanks for posting this update, it's very uplifting.

Karma I think 🙂