Never seem to win

Hi All,

First time posting on a forum so let me know if i get anything wrong.

My wife and I have 3 kids (Libby 6, Xander 20 months and Deacon 6 months), whilst trying to get pregnant with our second child we ended up having 3 miscarriages. It was a very difficult time and if im honest I have always bottled it up as I tried to do what every man does in that situation and stay strong for my wife.

Since then we had Xander and after having him we had decided not to 'try' properly but if it happened and we got pregnant then soo be it. As it was it happened [censored] quick and there is now only a 14 months age gap between them. They are both very typical boys and I wouldnt change them for the world.

The problem i am finding is that if one of them wakes up during the night this sets the other one off and it then takes hours to get both of them settle back down again. This is all made worse by Deacon having really bad eczema on his face and the top of his head. This ended up getting infected and he spent a couple of days in hospital where they figured out that it looks like he has CMPA (cows milk protein allergy) meaning he is now on prescription milk and we need to alter his diet as we have starting weening him. All of this is stuff i would usually be able to deal with but i have been properly second guessing everything I do. Always thinking worst case and what might go wrong etc and as a result I end up making stupid mistake. For example Deacon started crying the other night and after about 15-20 mins of trying to get him settled again my wife came in and asked if I had checked his nappy, he had pood!
It is stupid mistakes but mistake non the less. I dont know where this side of me has come from but it isnt getting any better.

Another example was I had gone out with my mates on a lads night out, something I havent done for literally months (pretty sure I didnt even go out when he was born to celebrate) I suppose that is par for the course when you have 3 kids. Anyway, got fairly drunk and ended up getting back at about 4am and went to sleep on the sofa so I didnt wake anyone up by going upstairs. Something that she commented on the morning after saying she hadnt heard me come in. Anyway later that day Izzy (wife) was getting Deacon to go down for a nap as he was due one and I was downstairs doing colouring in with Libby (manly task) as we dont get to spend much one on one time with her now we have the 2 young boys. I was knackered and after 25 mins of playing with Libby decided to have a lie down on the sofa, I hadnt fallen asleep when Izzycame downstairs and said"are you joking" she was pissed off as she was sorting the other 2 and I was having a nap. She then called me a selfish [censored] and said she didnt want to look at me.
Again later that day Izzy was having a nap as she had been up all night with both boys and was understandably knackered. Deacon was due a bottle at 3pm and I forgot. He was fine and was fed by 3.30pm. To which she flipped and said she doesnt want me anywhere near them if I cant even remember to feed my own son. I have never seen her like this and it hurt to see her so upset.

I feel like I am letting my whole family down at every turn. I used to feel very sorry for myself but now I just feel pissed off with myself for making such stupid mistakes.

She is a brilliant mum and wife, she has dealt with so much over the years as I used to be self employed and I am now employed due to things not going well with the business.

The house is always tidy and food is always in the fridge but having said that I would say I do more than some, I clean up after tea, alot of the time I cook the meals, I work a full time job running a site of 20 men building 11 houses for a company I only started for 3 days after Deacon was born so I am still trying to make a good impression.

I guess my big question is, am I the only one in this position and if i am not, how the [censored] do you all cope?

Sorry for the big post but there is alot flying around in my head.