[Solved] My world is falling apart

Ahhhh........that explains why your posts are so late at night mate, you sound loads more positive man 🙂

I've hardly slept since I was in court on Monday that's why I was up wide awake when I noticed your post which has helped me loads as I don't feel so alone as the feelings you are showing were so much like mine.

I've been in agony too as I bought some new [censored] shoes for court and they've given me 4 huge blisters the size of 50 pence pieces! I've been hobbling around at work like a cripple and what with no sleep I've been a right mess the past few days I'm hoping and praying I get a decent nights kip tonight.

After feeling like yourself for over a year and spending 4-5 months getting my head in shape to fight for my Girls I feel amazing now I've got the first court hearing out the way is amazing I'm absolutely ruined like I say but the confidence it gives you standing up there fighting for your child representing yourself is amazing!

I'd say get your head right in a good place research and study this site like crazy and start the fight for your child once your fit and able.
Once you get the ball rolling and get a sense of time scale you can start planning your life, I'm a relatively well known international DJ and I've totally lost the plot over the past 8 months and I haven't played out or mixed in that time and as soon as I walked out of court I went to see a local club owner and got myself as few gigs this weekend so I'd say if you can find a hobby or interest to take your mind off things then do it 🙂

Keep posting on here man I I'll only get worried if you don't!

Take care

Slim 🙂

Hi all again

Wow I am overwhelmed if I am honest,I keep reading your replies over and over,I honestly thought I was on my own with everything. Been a tough night at work,just kept breaking down in tears thinking of my son and another man in his life,I guess I have to keep doing what I have been doing already and take it day by day.

Slim thank you for sharing that post about everything,means a lot,also thank you Nannyjane,Gooner and actd,I have got to get some sleep so I apologise for the short post but I will reply properly later today as there is so much to reply to and I personally think that your replies deserve my full attention.

Gooner I have got an appointment with A Gateway Worker,I have no idea what the process is but any information would be helpful,had to edit this post as I put Pathways but they have been mentioned to me by the Doctor aswell.Thank you all once again for being here to talk to.

Cool mate good to hear from you I got no [censored] sleep again last night I'm battling through for a break this weekend!

I advise you to get as much sleep as poss mate and don't worry about having a cry I do probs every other day.

Can I ask are you a drinker or do you smoke weed?

If you're struggling with taking everyday as it comes take every hour as it comes!

Keep busy at work I tried to do as much O/T as poss that helped.

Try not to think of your son ect so much concentrate on yourself for the time being also if your finances/home are a mess start sorting that out too it really does help.

keep posting mate we're all behind you man 🙂

Morning Lewy

....So glad you're keeping in touch with us and I must say you are sounding a little better thank goodness! It will take time but we are with you, each one of us willing you on...

Just knowing that others have and are going through what you are experiencing helps I know, Slim is a diamond and I'm sure you can relate to him totally, it the same for him too I think.

Sleep is good, as is keeping busy.... I'm just happy to hear from you and I just know you'll find your way.

Take good care of yourself x

Afternoon all

I know I have said it a number of times but thank you so much for keeping in touch,since my post the other night I do feel a bit better,having yourselves to talk to has obviously helped me because I did actually think I was dealing with all this on my own,i know I will have those bad times again but I know now I have somewhere to come to. The thoughts of harming myself have not just been thoughts before,i will be open and honest about this but in the last 2 years I have tried to take my own life twice,there is so much more behind my story about the current situation and things that have happened before but I am concerned about talking about it all on here in case someone sees it and recognises who I am maybe if you know what I mean.

Slim thanks mate for saying I sound like a top bloke,dont get me wrong I like to think I am but I have done many things wrong in the past and in regards to the texts/emails to the ex I have said some awful things whilst I have been drunk and in heated exchanges,those are things that I am truly sorry for but unfortunately cannot take back although I wish I could,i was not the best of partner to her at all,i let her down many times etc so maybe the all that has happened these last few months are what I deserve for not being the person I should of been,thats how I see it,maybe I am being hard on myself but I have no idea at the moment. Really happy for you mate that your hearing went well,sounds like it is going to turn out great for you,how are your feet today????

The answer to your question is I am a drinker,i know its not the answer but just to block things out for a few hours is a relief but I know that it just makes things worse as it is a depressant. My sleep has been awful for a long time now,i don't think my hours help but because I have everything swirling around in my mind I just cant switch off at all,Doctor would not help out and said there is a sedative in the tablet I am taking................I think my tablets obviously are missing that ingredient!! If I had the choice I would work 7 days a week,i honestly never thought I would say those words haha but we do set hours and overtime is not available.

Regards to finances I am in big debt but it is under control,i am quite a worrier when it comes to finances so I always keep on top of it. I read in your one post that your are a DJ,i completely love music but for me its Rock and the 80s but I am happy for you that you have sorted out some gigs,maybe one night I could arrange to come and see one of your gigs.

NJ in one of your posts you say the pain starts again once an ex has someone new,thats true and I realised that I obviously still have feelings for my ex and there is some jealousy inside me and also the obvious fact that he will be spending more time with my son than I do and that really hurts. I am not sure if I will ever get to see my son again but I know that at this moment in time I would be no good for him the way my head is,i do put on a brave face everywhere I go,make out to people that I am ok and happy,if only they knew,my family don't know what I am going through as I really cannot open up to them,never have been able to,we very rarely speak about my situation regarding not seeing my little boy,i just let them get on with talking to the ex.

I am sorry if I have not managed to reply to everything in your posts but I am thankful that you are still replying to me and listening to me waffle on but as I said before there is so much more to this that I cant really post on here and I think I will get recognised by my user name,didnt really think that one through so if there is anyway I can change that please would you let me know.

I am off to work now so I will be back on here tonight,speak to you soon and thank you again

Hows things Lewy...haven't heard from you for a couple of days. Hope you're bearing up. x

first of all do you work? and does your childs mom work, there is no legal aid offered now to people that don't work you need to pay for it all yourself's, I suggest if you havnt got a job get one, if you have then get it threw court, they can still play up even when its in black and white but as soon as she does you just go straight back to your solicitor. keep ur chin up, every child needs a daddy, you wouldn't want him growing up without one.

I am not sure if I will ever get to see my son again but I know that at this moment in time I would be no good for him the way my head is,

Get yourself into a good place - that's your priority for now. Once you have that, you have more chance of getting to see your son, and your ex may even be willing to help once she see's that you've turned yourself around, it does sometimes happen.

Hi Nannyjane and everyone else

Been a mixed few days really,Saturday was by far the toughest day though for some reason,just crying all the time thinking about my little boy. I am just so ashamed that the situation has come to this...............I walked away from my own son.

Recently I contacted the ex asking to see my son again but all I got back was a list of demands etc etc so I never replied.

Just so scared that my son will never know who I am and will see this other bloke in his life as his daddy

Hi Lewy

Good to hear from you, I've been hoping you'd drop by.

I'm going to ban the words "walked away from my son".....Lewy you didn't walk away from him, you just needed to take a breather from the emotional rollercoaster you were on.

How did you contact your ex, was it by text? It might help to write her a letter. Address her list of demands in a calm and reasonable manner and ask again if you can work out a schedule of contact.... Suggest some sort of supervised contact, would your family help with this? Even a contact centre would be a start, here's a link to their website, you could send her the information about the centre and ask if she would consider this as an option initially. You don't need to be referred to the centre by an outside agency, I'm sure there's a self referral facility on the website.

www.naccc.org.uk/

I think there are going to be bad days but hopefully when you start the counselling you will have less of these. If you weren't working on Saturday that may be why you found it a difficult day. Swimming or a day at the gym when your feeling low would help you combat the low times.

Keep talking Lewy, we all want you to get on that road to recovery and find your way back to your boy.

Hey Nannyjane

Thought it was the right thing to do to let you know I am ok,i realised after I sent it the words I used and say for the first time that yes I am taking a breather away from the emotional rollercoaster though I am not sure how long it will be because I do actually feel like staying away will be the best option.

The contact was via email but her response was accept these or don't bother hence why I didn't reply,there is so much more information I want to put but I am so worried that someone who knows my ex will see the post,so hard to try and keep things simple without the full story.

I have not had to work the weekend at all but Saturday was such a tough day,yesterday was better then today was back to being emotional again. I will admit I have found myself stuck in a rut,i want to do things but with the way I am feeling plus no energy everyday things are a massive struggle. As for Swimming that's not a possibility for a reason I am a little embarrassed to say on here and going to the Gym,my mate owns a Gym and has said he will do me a reduced rate but as I said I just have no get up and go at all,just feel tired and restless and I don't sleep well at all so getting there would be a struggle even though I used to enjoy it when I went a few years ago x

Hey dude!

Good to hear from you man! You sound more chirpy tonight! 🙂

You haven't walked away from your Son mate you sometimes have to take a step out the situation to get your head sorted to move on at least you are making efforts to see him, maybe write him some letters for him to read when he's older, I do the same for my daughter so she will know in years to come i have always been there for her, my mum does the same bless her.

Don't worry about another man being there nothing will ever change you been his dad. My ex has got back with the scum ball piece of [censored] who walked out on his daughter and wished she's died at birth because of her disability (I've brought her up as my own)

It makes me sick he's now seeing more of my daughter than I am but I can't do anything about it and it just makes me want to fight for both girls more.

I've had a little cry today as i've been lazing around all day with my thoughts you really have to keep yourself busy like NJ said although I've got an excuse as I can hardly walk still my feet are screwed! It hasn't helped that I've been out partying and dj'ing for 4 days straight although I've haven't had so much fun in years!

It feels good to be back in the saddle as my lifes been on hold since the court case started and the past 4 days have been amazing and what was needed for sure.

Try and do a hobby, go and see friends anything to keep you busy and not thinking I've bought myself a camera and I'm starting to take pictures at my mates dj events which gets me out and about meeting new people and it's shocked me how many peeps are in the same boat as me fighting for their children so you're not alone trust me.

keep us all updated and keep posting on here man 🙂