[Solved] My son wont talk to my partner or her son

Hi There,
.
I would imagine there is an under laying issue with your son that he won't tell you about, at 10 he is old enough to have his own mind, it could be many things, but it's possible that he see's your new partner as the reason you will never get back with his mum, that may be completely off, but it does happen, children seem to have endless amounts of hope, and maybe he thought that you and his mum would get back together at some point and he see's your new parter as the issue.
.
It must be really difficult for you, your partner and your daughter to go through, I'm guessing you have tried talking to him 1 on 1 to try and find out what the issue is?
.
Maybe some father son time could be the answer make some time for just him, get him relaxed and gently try and find out what the issue is, I know this goes against what you are trying to do, as you want the whole extended family to spend happy time together, but sometimes a step back can help you move forward.
.
The other possible option, is maybe if you get on well enough with his mum, he may tell her what's troubling him.
.
And now you have found us you have people to talk too, even if it's just to sound off.
.
GTTS

Thank you for your response, and yes i think there are a few underling issues. i have assured him time and again that i will always be his dad and will always be there for him. I also think there is jealousy issues as well. i have tried the 1 on 1 route as well but all he says is "i don't know". his mum does talk to him and he does say things to her but everything is things he wants me to change, which i am willing to do but it cant be all his way. I see it as respect and i dont think he has any for me or my parner. i realise that not every one can be friends but there has to be respect.

its got to the point where my partner doesn't really want to have my kids over because of the stress and confusion it is causing her and her son.

Hi There,
.
I get that, especially the respect part, I feel I am maybe old fasioned in my view that children show show respect to adults whether they like them or agree with them, I have a similar issue with my stepson, If he's told off he will argue as to why he is right in doing what ever he was told off for. I was brought up with the understanding that if an adult has told you to either stop doing or to do something then you just do as you were told.
.
It seems that so many families now, don't work that way, there could also be something he is picking up from your ex, maybe he hears her talking about things, you just don't know what's said when he is at home. I don't know what sort of relationship you have with your ex or if you get on, but he must have picked up his issues from somewhere as children are like sponges and just absorb everything they see or hear. Just a thought.
.
GTTS

Their mother and i sort of get on. we are making efforts not to discuss things in front of the kids. and she says that she never says anything bad about my partner and i to them. I am thinking that maybe the best thing to do is to take the kids to my parents for the weekends i have them and then try to introduce them to my partner and her son again over time, sort of start over again ( give my partner some space that way as well as this is starting to take a toll on her) or maybe take him to relate family counselling for just me and him. I want to spend more time with him and my daughter (1 on 1 and together) but if he refuses to even come to my home its hard to do.

I feel very lost on the whole matter as. I am seeing the kids every other weekend (when he allows it) and i see them alternate Mondays, Wednesday and Thursdays. But most the time he just sits there and doesn't want to get involved so i end up just playing with my daughter.

Its frustrating as i know of many dads that don't bother with the kids and there kids would do anything just to spend an hour with them.

Nightraven

HI,
.
I think that sounds like a good all round plan, you need to start somewhere maybe a step away will help you build the bridges with your son so that you can start again.
.
Keep us posted.
.
GTTS

Thank you for your support and i will keep you posted.

Well the weekend was mostly a success. During last week i got a text from my son/ex wife that he want to go to see Dynamo in London on Sunday night and if i took him that he would start coming over a staying the night. Well for me this was the final strew. I was being blackmailed by them to see my son. So i said NO. He should be coming to see my regardless. So i told them that if he started to show some respect and came round to see me as he should be anyway then i would be more inclined to take him to see shows that would nearly cost me £200 to see.

Well Saturday came and i went to pick them up first i told them that we cant go round and stay at their nan's and they would have to stay with me. Well that didn't go down well. but after his mum had a good old shoot at me, i managed to get him to go to the seaside with me and to the penny machines and on our way there i told him a few home truths about the way he is acting and that if he didn't change his ways he will be losing time with his dad and that it was his doing. and eventually he said he would stay over the night. and i have to say i think he had a really good time we had fire works and a very good time. so hopefully in a fortnights time he will come over again.

Nightraven

Hi,
.
That's great news and I think you were right to not take him to the show under the conditions he set.
.
Hopefully this will be a step forward for you.
.
GTTS