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Hi All, I am seperated from my kids mum, headin for the big D. My daughter (8) is commenting that she is afraid that she will lose Mummy too. This is because, despite my having reasonable contact with her - a few times a week for short periods and one full day with occasional sleeps - she feels that I have left her/she has lost me. She seems to have a sense of abandonement and is afraid that whenever Mum goes she wont come back. This is possibly going to affect the time she spends with me. I am due to take her away to her grandparents (my parents) in half term and her mum is saying it may be best for her to stay, for her security. I need to know what is best for my girl. Should I accept this as it is the right thing to do to build her security or is there a way for managing through this process that would say different. I want to do what is best for my daughter and for her emotional well being... Any pointers??
Hi
8 is a really difficult age, lots of insecurities are natural.
My parents split when I was about that age, my dad gave me a friendship necklace ( one that is in 2 parts in the shape of a heart). He kept one and I had one - he told me wherever I was the other half was always with him and waiting to be joined again. It's sounds soppy but it worked - I remember thinking wherever my dad was he was thinking of me. I think Argos still something similar ( they are called split pendants). Could you or your wife do something similar ?
Mainly you need to be there for her whatever it takes, and you and your wife need to present a united front.
I hope this helps, good luck.
Hi
I'm sorry to hear that you are divorcing. It's a stressful time for all concerned and especially your daughter who may be feeling shocked and confused. She may also be feeling insecure and worry whether her remaining parent will leave her as well. It's important to try to understand what your daughter is going through and support her through it.
Reassure her that you still love her and always will, even if you no longer love your ex-partner. Sometimes children think that if your love for your ex can stop, perhaps your love for them can stop as well.
Also, it's important for your daughter to know that she will still see her grandparents and any other extended family members. This keeps a sense of familiarity and continuity. If you feel a week is too long could the trip be shortened to say two or three days away?
It may help you to get advice and support by talking it through with Parentline Plus who you can call for free on 0808 800 2222, http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk
I hope this helps.
Hi Pak Man
It must be breaking your heart to hear your girl think that. 😥 I have to say i like bowledovers suggestion and yes argos do still sell them.
You could try to have reqular contact with her via the internet ie get her and you a webcam that mum keeps but you can use to skype (free calls) each other. Or set up a private group for the 2 of you on Facebook (again if mum thinks 8 is to young for FB she can set it up etc)There are lots of safe sites out there for private parent child interaction.
if you don't manage to get to go away with her over 1/2 term can you stay over near her for 1 night and have a whole day together doing something nice, it doesn't have to be exspensive you could spend the day window shopping and finding out what her style is ( it gives you amo for future birthday and xmas gifts!) at the end of the day buy her a small keep sake like the pendent or a snowdome - she will value being together more than any amount of money spent.
Hope all goes well dude. 🙂
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