[Solved] Just going to say something.

I did not dodge any questions!?
I answered what I was asked.
I wanted to know if what I'd offered with regards to contact was unreasonable from a mans point of view.
Good to know you all go messaging behind the scenes though, very clicky on here I have to say, despite that I've had more messages than I have had answers to my posts and I go the answers to my questions.

I wouldn't want to come on here and pretend to be a man because I'm an honest and open person, I was just saying it's what I could have done and to be quite honest slim, with a stinking attitude like yours I wouldn't be surprised if some of the posters on here are already doing that.

God sake, ask for a bit of help and advise in [censored] times and you get pounced on!!!

I'll be leaving now. Clearly this is more of a private site than a public one!

Ok...I think feelings are running high and perhaps a little time for peaceful reflection is needed here.

As has been said we want to remain impartial and everyone is welcome to post, if there are some that disagree then that is understandable given the emotional context that brings people here in the first place, but let's keep it friendly and non confrontational please guys.

I think this topic is a debate worth having so can we please keep it within reason, as censorship isn't something I relish, but I will do so if this debate deteriorates further.

This wasn't my intention.

I did not at all want to upset anyone or make anyone feel they should leave. I come on here myself in the spirt in which it was designed for. To find help and support and to give it where I can.

I don't have any hidden motives, my motive is my child as it is for you all too.

People, we are all on the same side. We all want what is best for our kids, our flesh and blood.

This site and the people within have been brilliant to me and without them, my son would not have had the justice he's just had.

Please don't argue 🙂

It's ok Life, I think we all know your intentions were honourable... Even with feelings running high it's a good debate to have.

Thanks life, I've just got enough [censored] to deal with without coming on here and seeing slims snide comments and being accused of having ulterior motives, my head is wracked with enough as is it, I don't have the time or energy to sit around thinking of ways to be malicious.

As I said in a previous post somewhere, I personally find it refreshing having another woman here who
has contact issues with her ex and would like our help and advise.
Now, I see this issue from 2 points of view...
One...the father of my (now grown) sons very abruptly and suddenly told them he didn't want to see them
anymore or have anything to do with them.
My sons were considerably younger then but nevertheless....it traumatised them.
Whilst I tried to persuade him to have contact...the ex didn't want to know and even got his solicitor to write
to me that he would look favourably towards my new partner (now husband) adopting the children.
I still find it hard to understand why he did that to his own flesh and blood...( he went on to have 2 more
children)
So I can empathise with woman wanting guidance and help in similar situations.

My second point of view is that of a grandmother who supports her son in his quest to have a good and meaningful father-son relationship, where the ex is completely hostile, manipulative and plain nasty.

Every member of this forum, male or female, has a story and whilst this is a male dominated forum ( as it should be)
I have been made welcome and been given help and guidance along the lonely road of helping my son.
Yes, some of the ex partners, who call themselves "mother" should be sent for psychiatric evaluation as in my opinion
they clearly have a screw loose, are 2 sandwiches short of a pick nick, a bottle short of a full crate and should not have
children, I am afraid to say, the same can be said about a few men who call themselves "dad"
My ex husband is one of those species, fortunately I will never have to speak to him again but I know and will always
remember the pain my boys went through when their daddy effectively abandoned them.
If I could have turned to a forum such as this back in those days....I would have done. I have no family of my own here in the UK ( other than my boys) and I was incredibly hurt and lonely, having to deal with 3 traumatised kids on my own with friends and neighbours telling me things like..." Oh...your kids are better off without him" and such like.
They loved their dad, they adored him and wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, something I never ever
discouraged or stopped, no matter how nasty he was to me.

Times have changed...and I am now supporting my son with every fibre of my being....but that doesn't mean that I don't remember the past.
Time is too short to argue and all of us here need our energy for our upcoming battles and struggles, trials and tribulations.
I love this forum because the advise and guidance given is straight, no-nonsense and honest.
We share our experiences, learn from each other, help one another and above all else, we put the children first just as it should be.
If a person genuinely comes here for guidance, help and advise....does it really matter if the person is male or female?
" Life" is quite anxious that his post has created such a heated debate, as his name says " Life needs Harmony " which couldn't describe him any better.
Let's return to the harmonious and caring lot we are.

Kirsten

I don't get why you have such a hard time with trust! Other than the fact that a nerve has been touched!

You sent me a PM asking for advice and I was honest with you and gave you a valid reason why I felt uncomfortable about it, and against my better judgement i answered your questions fairly and without bias. I then explain further here on this thread how important trust is when dealing with people's feelings and you spit your dummy out!

Of course members use the PM facility, thats what it's for, it didn't take you long to start using it after all. It has nothing to do with being clicky.

If I didn't know any better I would think you are being purposely divisive to disrupt this usually friendly and cooperative forum. If you genuinely want to be a part of this forum, you would understand that sensitivity is required and that you are in a predominantly male environment here, who's members have been hurt and are vulnerable. You may argue that you too are vulnerable, but that doesn't mean that your feelings should automatically come before the members here....but lets face it, that's what a lot of women expect!

If its so [censored] as you put it, clicky and anti women, what are you still doing here? I think you're a trouble maker and you are enjoying the disruption you've caused.

People may have misread your motives, but at the moment you're not doing a very good job of proving otherwise.

Others have come here pretending to be something they're not...we're usually spot on at recognising them.

Ok, I am a little concerned with the direction this thread is heading.

Conversation, debate and different opinions is healthy however challenging another members motives and open barracking of each other is neither healthy or what this forum is about.

Just to be clear on this, the ethos of how this forum works:

We help and support anyone who comes here be they male or female.
When someone tells their story or history we believe them. we don't question motives.
We may challenge opinions or attitudes but we don't marginalise or attack anyone.
We value differences and the fact that this makes this a great forum to come to for support.
This forum is a safe environment for members to ask questions and get much needed help and support.

We have over 20k people visiting this forum a month looking for help, support and advise. Most read and don't post but all are welcome.

This thread started with a member of the community making a valid point and celebrating the diversity of our community. I feel it has been hijacked and now appears to have gone somewhere else.

I have decided that I will have the last word on this debate (something I have never done in the five years of running this community) and will lock this thread down.

Gooner.