[Solved] Just going to say something.

Mate I have to disagree the Women who have come on here recently are trying to get some justification for their actions they haven't come on here looking for help, support and advice what a load of rubbish their posts could be taken straight off that other Mums website that I've had a rollocking for mentioning.

I wasn't condoning that site or praising it in anyway I thought their posts would be best suited there.

I'm not slating all the Women on here as NJ, 1626, Kirsten are absolutely fantastic and I can't thank them enough for there brilliant help and support, they are helping their, sons, Grandson's ect try and get contact with their kids and I love them to bits.

These few Women who have joined recently are not fighting for their kids to see their Dad they're just having a go at the Dad full stop and male members on this site [censored] foot round them and encourage it!

They are not in the same boat as us Dads at all what a load of cobblers mate!

If you actually read their posts recently you will see what I mean and read what the sound ladies have to say on the threads, I personally haven't got the time of Day for them and find them very irritating, I've had 18 months of all that [censored] and I certainly don't like seeing it all over this site.

Everything else you have posted is bang on the nail 🙂

Slim 🙂

Speaking as a woman who contributes on here regularly, I don't feel at all disheartened when hard done to dads let off steam. Some women are psychos and nut jobs, my sons ex being a prime example.

When you've got mothers accusing dads of all sort of abominable behaviour, either in revenge or to get free legal funding, that's when I get disheartened. My overwhelming emotion when I read these kind of posts is one of shame. There are far too many women that resort to underhand tactics to maintain control at all costs.

I have to be open minded, I've got a daughter who's ex is a nightmare, he never pays her anything, not even petrol money so that he can see his son, he abuses her and he accuses her of terrible things. So I see things from both sides.

We do have women come here and we will generally advise but I do feel uncomfortable sometimes when I feel there's a hidden agenda. As the name of the website suggests, this is a place of information and support primarily for dads and it's also a safe haven for dads that are marginalised and treated badly by their ex's and the system....they are my main concern I'm afraid.

On occasion, when we have a dad that is behaving badly we will speak up and try and put him straight. ..I hope that the same thing applies when women come here that are looking to justify their actions, as Mr Slim has pointed out. Lets not give them preferential treatment just because they are women, far too much of that goes on in court!

I just wanted to say being a "new woman" on here, we're not all the same.

Slim, whilst I can appreciate you have had a bit of a rough time of it, we defo arent all like that. Ive been in some really bad times, Ive had the police at my door for nothing, Ive been hauled into the social services offices and accused of child abuse, accused of being a druggy and an unfit mum. All false allegations, yet despite all this, I just want my ex to see his kids.

I came on here for the opinions of some men who would maybe make me realise why hes like this.

I was so relived when I received the papers from court, finally some routine and stability. I sat with CAFCASS before the hearing and I told her about EVERY form of contact id put to him, I told them i was willing to give him what he wanted as long as it didnt cause any further disruption........then he cancelled the application. Do you know how soul destroying that is? Not only for me but for our babies?

Im not here to dog my ex, whilst Id glady see him strung up by his nads and beaten with a big stick, at the end of the day hes the kids dad, he can offer them things I cant, he cant teach them things I cant.

Ive never done this before, Ive no legal experience and to be quite frank, Im absolutly sh*tting myself about what the future hold for our kids.

So Slim, Im sorry if you think Im having a go at my EX, but Im not, please, dont feel the need to [censored] foot round me.

Trust me I [censored] foot round no one I was pointing out that others do that and they need to crack open a can of Man up 🙂

Hey All,

Seems to be a controversial topic then. I did not mean to upset anyone but this was something that I observed.

I have to admit, I think I've been lucky in that as yet, I've not come across any mothers that seek justification for their bad actions. I can't say it doesn't happen here just that I've not seen it.

I would like to think that within reason, we can all work and help each other for our common interests.... Our Children.

Well I'll add my view here too.

I love this site, I think it's a great place for perants to come and get advice or just chat in general, though general chat doesn't happen often enough and I understand that this is due to the nature of the issues that bring members here in the first place.

When I first joined I had no where to turn, I had no where to get advice or support for what I was going through and the forum was a gods send to me, as Mr slim has said it was an escape from what I was going through and somewhere I could air my troubles without judgement. People on thie forum come and go, and many members never comment or post, they just gather the information they need when they need it, but I have been in contact with some great people who just want whats best for thier children, usually this won't fit with the other perant which is why they end up here in the first place, but no matter what the reason they are all welcome.

Without somewhere to get advice and a release from what I was going through I honestly don't think I would still be breathing as I was in such a dark place, when you have no where to turn life is miserable, even the slightest issues becomes huge in your head and no matter what you do it doesn't get better or easier. I got such great advice from members that I managed to get through things and through court though still very stressful, I knew I had a release from that and anything I asked was answered quickly and with a great level of understanding.

Becuase of the support I recieved I always try and offer the same, I will give my oppinion and offer support in the same way no matter who is asking (male or female) we have had some dads on here over the past year or so who when you read the posts you instantly feel there is an hidden agenda, and likewise we have had mums on here in the same respect. I will always give everyone the benifit of the doubt as if they have become a member and have taken the time to post then the trubles they face are important to them, and as said if you have no where to turn then things can get dark and miserable. When I answer a post, I may not give the best advice, and I may miss judge the person asking for it, but to me that doesn't matter as I would rather miss judge than ignor the request for help.

Every member on here will have a different view on the issues posted and I think personally thats what makes the site the success that it is, not everyone will think the same of a new member, but there are enough regular members on here that someone will be able to offer support and an answer to there problem, and I'm sure they are grateful for that.

We have female members that have been here a while as you have said Slim, and the advice and support they give is amazing especially when you take into account that they are going through the same issues by supporting partners or sons in the same boat as the people they are advising, but I also welcome new female members here, they don't all have a hidden agenda or just want to have a go at the father of thier children, they have problems too, they may not be as severe in some cases but they are still problems. The other reason I welcome female members is I hope that they read the posts made by dads and see the horible things that are done to stop contact, and that they see that and think about how they handle to relationship between thier children and father after seeing the effects that these things can have.

I do feel that the family legal system is biased, but actually it's not the legal system that always causes the issues, it's mums that will not allow a healthy relationship between father and child. The legal system can only do so much and they can't change attitude, so by placing an order to say XYZ the legal system has done the first part of it's job. It fails further in my oppinion when the resident perant ignores that order due to attitude, thats where there should be more work carried out. If only one mum comes on the forum and the attitude they have is be changed by seeing what effect it has then in my view it makes it worthwhile having them here even more so than just to gain support in the issues they face.

So I'm happy to encourage mums into the forum and I will always encourage them to stay too. If a mum becomes un welcome due to continually baiting members they would be asked to leave in the same way a dad would be.

Well that's my view, I'm sure people will dissagree with it, but as said everyone has different views and thats why this forum works so well.

GTTS

You make some good points GTTS and in the main I agree with what you say, but......

When you look around the Internet there are many groups and most of them are geared to women, gingerbread, women's aid and Mumsnet to name a few. The atmosphere on these sites ranges from openly hostile to all men to them paying lip service to them....I know how relieved I felt when I happened across this forum and I did search believe me!

An example of this....Gingerbread is meant to be for single parents but when I received their last newsletter online I was shocked and dismayed to see not one of their photos and stories portrayed a father with their child. I wrote to them and complained and I unsubscribed to their newsletters because of it.

I've come to realise as I gained more experience that often the judicial system, particularly CAFCASS and Social Services are blatantly biased in favour of mothers and this has been my sons experience. The court proceedings were also tilted in the mothers favour in my sons case, and in others that I have worked on. I can't say this is across the board but it happens with enough cases, with enough frequency, right across the country.

Dads do feel marginalised, they feel largely ignored and misrepresented and they also feel that the truth is only the truth as a mother sees it. False accusations and lies go unpunished in court and certainly the children are not central to all decisions made on their behalf. Contact Centres are used with impunity, when the very ethos of Contact Centres was that they should only be used where there is a significant risk of harm to the children. The reality is far removed from that, we have a system where that isn't the case in the vast majority of cases and its just another obstacle, another delaying tactic to be used to keep dad and children estranged....and another service that targets the users pocket!

So my concern is that by responding to mothers that come here we may alienate some of our members, who may feel aggrieved that there is nowhere just for them, to vent, to be themselves and to feel safe. We have had members so badly hurt that they were contemplating suicide and in that respect feeling safe is so important. I have built up trust over years on this forum and I really don't want to see that damaged because I feel obliged to respond to women that may well have a hidden agenda...as you say GTTS, there's no way of knowing that and the same applies to dads that come here saying they have been falsely accused....in this instance it's trust that comes into play here...trust is a very, very, important part of what we do here.

Trust?
I've come on here being open and honest for advise, and more or less even told to sod off by some members.
What I could have done is come on here, completely reversed the roles, play the dad and then you'd be happy to give me advise because you wouldn't be jeopardising the trust you have?
What a load of [censored]!
I do get what you're saying but I'm sorry, I just think the whole site (bar a few, thanks guys, you know who you are) is very anti women!

I think a few members on here have been very badly hurt by their Ex's & are still having to deal with not being able to see their own children!

So, yes I understand why there may have been a few hostile posts but it's not an anti woman forum

There are loads of women on this site who's sons or partners are going through the court process to gain access

All the women in my family want to see my daughter & have stuck by me!!!

Everyone has a mother & father & a child should be allowed to have a relationship with both of them even if they are separated

I absolutely agree.
I have NO hidden agenda at all. I just wanted advice. I didn't want to make people feel that they had to be wary incasethey they broke trust for god sake!
I didn't come here to dog my ex or try to gain any sympathy.

Whilst the name of the site is Dad.info, some dads aren't all that, they do treat their kids like a weapon and they certainly don't deserve the love that that child has for them!

Phahahahahaha.................This site is obviously going to come across anti Women when the reason most of us are here is because of a Woman, same as the other site that I mentioned that I said you would be better off posting comes across as anti Men.

As I said earlier we all are glad to offer help and support to a person who has been stopped from seeing their Child on here no matter what Gender they are, It's the very few people who come on with a hidden agenda and want to get some strange justification for their actions that I've got a problem with.

Obviously I've read your posts and you kicked off very rarely asking for advice and guidance not on how you could get to see your child your son's child or any child that's part of your Family which this site is manly for, You've come on asking if what you have offered your ex seems reasonable for contact then basically slagged him off at every turn, your obviously going to get peoples backs up as that's all we get from our ex's.

As NJ said it is about trust and after reading your posts when other members asked about your situation you have completely dodged the questions that you've been asked and made out you're so hard done to and it seems the people who don't actually believe you, you make out them to be anti Women.

Trust me you do not come across as been open and honest at all I flagged that up on your very first post and I mentioned it to a few other members Male and Female who completely agreed with me, even you saying I could of come on here here and completely reversed the roles by acting as if you were Male is proper screwed up, why the [censored] would you want to do that if you didn't want to bash us Men?

I could easily go on that other site that I mentioned and pretend to be a Women and slag all the Mums off on there but what would the point of that?