Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi all
First time posting on here.
Have found this page so helpful when looking for similar situations.
Would like other people's experiences and advice please.
My partner (representing himself)) took ex to court beginning of February for a contact order of their 2 young children 6 & 4.
Before they would met up and she would offer only supervised contact with her 2-3 times a week, out for dinner and play centres and days out etc on a weekend.
It was when it suited her and what suited her.
She would let him down alot.
So he asked her for unsupervised contact at least once a week.
She refused, so mediation application which she declined then court proceedings.
He's not seen children since January.
So long story cut short. In court she has used the text book accusations drugs and drink.
A test was ordered in first hearing and indirect contact only.
2nd hearing negative tests were produced yet she still would not agree to anything because she said she doesn't trust him.
Judge was somewhat annoyed by her attitude and new issues she suddenly had with him.
2nd hearing was June and because she didn't agree to contact (apparently judges hands were tied as he can't change an order without her agreeing and he can't make a decision unless it's a final hearing)
Judge ordered a cafcass S7 report and final hearing end of August so they had time to file this.
Sadly communication was awful and cafcass who were not at 2nd hearing were only told mid July that they had to do report by 3rd aug.
They asked the court for an extension until mid sept, court granted this and S7 is due this week.
This put the date off obviously and he waited from mid July until Last week to be given the final hearing date. Which is now the end of November another 12 harrowing weeks that's now going to be 5 months since the last hearing and 11 months since he would have seen his children.
Feel this is due to admin error and lack of communication.
In the meantime the Statements have come in. My partner's is a parent plan and a second statement about himself really, hobbies, lifestyle etc. (Judge asked for exactly that) He already his position and concerns in first one.
Wow his Exes statement is highly questionable and actually quite laughable with no evidence to substantiate her accusations of Him being of abusive, aggressive, threatening, manipulative and pestering nature etc. (Another text book accusations)
Yet after all these Accusations the only evidence she has included is stolen pics from my FB page, cover photo, profile pics etc of us having a life, out etc.
Not really sure why relevant or what that proves. Hence it's laughable.
He has managed to submit to cafcass and all parties a statement since contradicting her vitriol and lies with actual messages, police logs, picture and video evidence. Cafcass were very interested in these messages etc between them. They are derogritory, antagonising and threatening from her.
Seems [censored] for tat I know but he has had no choice but to send all this in.. he really hoped it wouldn't come to this.
I doubt the judge really cares, but it's been an eye opener for CAFCASS.
Besides being devestated and disappointed about new date and being put to the back of the queue because I can only imagine court is busy.
The big concerns are that the indirect contact is not being adhered to so sadly not working - its there to keep the relationship/bond going whilst no contact.
He sends a card every single week since January first hand written blank cards in envelopes and was getting no replies so he started to do via a postcard app thinking the children would see the photograph on front always of 3 of them and also the app logs all you've sent incase she says he's not sent any.
Anyway he has had 3 hand written cards back since January all written by eldest who is 6 but sadly you could tell by spellings and grammar it's something mum has written and she's had to copy.
Answering none of his questions and only saying what mum wants him to hear.
She has sent antagonising msgs about what he is missing out on and first day at school and offering to send pictures in uniform but didn't when he said yes please.
Then a message slating him for his impersonal postcards and how his 6 year old had binned it.
We question this obviously I personally think she's binned it and the children are not actually getting his cards.
Or if His daughter binned it then why? What are they being told about their father?
This must be so damaging for the young children.
He now has another 12 damaging weeks of not being able to build up or keep the relationship going with his cards being onsided and wondering if they are even receiving at all.
Do you think there is anything he can do? Should he just sit back and ride the next 12 weeks out like the last 12 weeks.
It all seems so unfair when he has complied and adhered to everything.
When you don't have a solicitor to ask sometimes it's difficult to know what to do for the best.
Sadly I'm sure there is nothing that can be done about court date, but what about indirect contact which is not happening?
Any advice appreciated.
Thanks
Hi there
What exactly are the conditions of the ordered indirect contact?
Is it ordered that the children send responses to how letters/cards?
Have you spoken to CAFCASS about the concerns over the indirect contact? He could ask if they could offer support for the children to receive the cards.
If there is a clear breach of the order, you do have a couple of options. You can write/email directly to the judge that made the interim order (by that I mean write across the top of the correspondence- For the Urgent Attention of : (name of judge)
Explain the breaches of the interim order and also, that due to the extension of the S7 and subsequent delays, contact with the children isn't happening as required by the court, which isn't in the children's best interests. Ask that the case be bought back to court for urgent new directions, to address the breach and the failed contact. With this option you're relying on the judge to agree to return the case...
The second option would be to submit form C2 to apply either for a return to court for new directions, or to enforce the existing order. There is a fee to submit a further application, but it should see a return before November, at which point I would suggest pushing for contact to resume under supervision ina contact centre.
Best of luck
Thanks very much for your reply.
The order is indirect contact from both parties and respondent was reminded in 2nd hearing how imperative it was and how she must adhere to it and if girls are being given cards their immediate reaction would be to reply.
Funnily enough yesterday my partner managed to get through to someone really helpful at the courts yesterday who advised him as you just have.
Told him instead of submitting the forms and paying the fee which takes 21 working days to reply to. It would be just as useful to send an email with complaints on time span which they will read and reply to in 26 working days.
Sadly this takes it only 5 weeks from hearing date just for them to read this and decide if a judge should see it. She doubts they will give a sooner hearing. But told him will look good on him for trying.
In the mean time just keep sending cards knowing they are not recieving them.
He will also email CAFCASS (as they never return calls) to speak about the indirect contact.
Not sure how much power they have in this I know they are only advisers but would be nice if they could talk to respondent about encouraging children to draw or write to daddy.
Failing that was thinking if an email to her solicitor would be worth doing.
Asking to have a talk with his client regarding her malicious communication and indirect contact?
Many thanks again for advice
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.