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Hi,
This is my first time on here.
Im 20 years old and my 23yr old ex is about 6 n half months pregnant.
to keep things short, she doesn't want me to have anything to do with her or my future daughter. she has threatened to not put my name on the birth certificate, told me i will have NOTHING to do with my daughter, she won't have my last name, she will never come to my house or get to see her nan (my mother), that i will not witness the birth of my baby etc...
my baby mother's "offer" is for me to see my daughter "every other week end" as she likes to put it, which really means 4 days a month, Supervised by her, at her home with her family. (i obviously refuse her offer, not just because seeing my daughter 4 days out of a month is ridiculous & vice versa) but also for the principle that she is on a complete power trip and i will not give in to it.
(i am 200% willing to be there for my daughter, be the best dad i can possibly be, and give her the childhood i never had with BOTH parents around)
unfortunately my ex doesnt think that way. being raised by both her parents, i dnt think she understand how much of an impact it has on the child life when the dad is not around, and told me that it didn't matter and she can do it all herself.
Despite my efforts to make things work between us as parents, she really hates me, not too sure why but i think its because i ddnt want to stay with her to raise the baby as a couple, as our relationship wasn't too good and i could not see my future with that woman.
I would rather my daughter grow up with both, happy separated parents than to be in a fake and dishonest "family picture"
So since i told her i did not want to be raising this child as a couple she has turned into a completely different woman and is now doing her best to make me hate her, so i leave her and my daughter alone. . .
She doesnt tell me when the scans are, or any estimated dates what so ever, and doesn't get in contact with me at all. so all i can do to make an effort at keeping a civil relationship with her is get into contact with her, i.e i send her texts saying i hope her n the "bump" are okay and stuff, but she always find a way to argue or hurt my feelings.
Her latest way to do so was telling me it wasn't mine and hanging up.
Although it would bring alot of relief, i know its mine and shes just saying that to make me angry. (i told her all she needed to do then is to take a DNA test and she then said her word is enough.
Now, a couple of days ago the police called me, saying she had made a complaint, saying i give her "abuse" over the phone, and make her "stressed out" which isnt good for the baby, she said.
1st i dnt call her, i text. shes the one who calls me and start arguing, but anyway the police doesnt care what i have to say, and told me to stop having any sort of contact with her or go near her house.
So she wont get in contact with me, i cant have contact with her, so basically there is not way for me find out when shes giving birth or when to fill the birth certificate. Or is there?
I don't know what to do, i feel like I've just hit a dead end.
All i want is to know when my little girl will be born so i can be there, and also for my ex to change her "offer" to at least a week per month instead of just 4 days.
or can i just decline her offer and just see my daughter when i feel like it, take her wherever i want and just be a good dad instead of having to deal with all this [censored]? there doesn't need to be an offer is there?
Im sorry if this ddnt make much sense, or if i blab on about certain things. please, if you need to know anything else tell me, could really use some advice, Thanks
Hi and welcome
I think with the situation you are in, the first step is to look at mediation and see if your ex will participate. You certainly don't have the right to see your daughter when you feel like it, and if mediation doesn't work, you will be looking at going through the courts to get a contact order, and with a new born baby, it's likely that your contact is going to be very restricted anyway for a while, so I would say this is going to be your best hope initially.
In my opinion, if you are going to get anywhere, you need to try to put yourself in her position and think about how she feels - she is pregnant and needs support, and in the middle of this, telling her that you don't want to stay with her was never likely to go down well. You certainly won't be able to insist that you are there at the birth (the hospital will respect her wishes and if you try to insist on being there, you may find hospital security and the police being involved), and you need to give her time - she has gone from being part of a couple to about to be a single mother, that's got to take a lot of adjustment.
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